My New Year’s Resolution
2021 is here. I am doing something I haven’t done for a while: a new year's resolution!
Why I shouldn’t do this: new year’s resolution has never worked, for me or anyone. I dug up resolutions I made in colleges and earlier in my career, they read like forgotten aspirations turned into mocking documents: reduce poundage to 165 lbs.; make $50K this year; be able to dunk a basketball; get a girlfriend. Basically, I made wishes at the beginning of the year, and had no plan and motivation to carry it out.
Why I am doing one this year anyway: 1. I need it. 2020 sucked. I am making 2021 an amazing year. 2. I spent the past two years researching and making an app on habit building, and I understand human nature and myself much better now. I am using all the research and insights to build a resolution that not only works, but also is fun.
(By the way, if you are still reading this paragraph, or even past the word “new year's resolution”, ping me on Twitter, I’ll consider you my friend.)
A real new year's resolution that doesn’t read like a declaration of incompetency in February needs to be these:
Actionable – Most people focus on outputs, which are basically a daunting wish list. We have no direct control over the outputs. An achievable new year's resolution should be inputs: a list of daily habits that we can develop by taking actions every day.
Trackable – I’ve attempted many things since I was little. Some definitively failed: digging a hole through earth, graduating college in 2.5 years, and becoming the next Allen Iverson. And some succeeded: getting into dream graduate school, writing a book, and becoming a successful investor. All the successes had this in common: I meticulously tracked my progress on a regular basis, so I know where I stand and can improve. To make this new year resolution's successful, I will keep a spreadsheet on my progress, so I know where I am every day.
Screwupable – The first thing I know about myself: I screw up a lot. But the key in every success I had was to not let a screwup make me quit. To make my resolution achievable, I am going to give myself an overall target for the whole year, measured in hours/times/days. So if I miss a day or two, my focus will be to keep going, not to give up.
Fun – The second thing I know about myself: I need to have fun to keep going. If it’s a goal that’s not enjoyable, I will give up in no time. So my first step of having fun is to share my goals with you guys and put public pressure on myself. My second step: if I can achieve all ten of my goals, I will buy myself a big reward.
Got to have a reward
My reward: a Tesla Model X. OK, I have thought about many rewards, such as traveling to somewhere exotic or new pairs of MeUndies or something. But all these rewards are things I would have gotten anyway with or without the resolution. So I decided to do something that I would have never done otherwise. Personally, I don’t believe in spending a lot of money on a transportation tool. But if I can indeed achieve all these goals, it means I will have had an amazing year, and it would be worth every dollar I spend. Plus, I get a car!
What is my new year's resolution: developing ten success habits in 2021. Again, these are inputs, not outputs. I indeed have hefty output aspirations for my business and myself, but I know if I focus on developing these ten habits, the outputs will take care of themselves.
Habit 1: Creative work
2021 goal: 1,000 hours
In an interview, Jim Collins, the author who wrote legendary business books such as Good to Great, and Built to Last, mentioned that as an author, he needs to spend 3 hours a day on his creative work. He would then track them every day. If by the end of the year, he can achieve 1,000 hours, he would have fulfilled his goal as a creator.
They say “Talent borrows, genius steals.” I’m going to steal this one from Jim Collins (who is also a genius and probably stole it from someone else).
Habit 2: Get up at 5AM
2021 goal: 200 days
I have always been a night owl, but that’s about to change. The book 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma details how many successful people get up at 5AM to do the most critical work for the day. For me, this is related to goal #1. I have also found that the three hours from 5-8AM are amazing for creative works. No noise, no kids, no distraction. This habit perfectly overlaps with habit #1.
To make this successful, here is my plan: I will go to bed at 11PM for every night (nothing productive happens to me at night anyway). I will then get up at 5, go to a room without any connectable devices, and use my new age type-writer (a laptop which I stripped of its wifi card) to write for three hours. At 8AM, I will end the creative session and sleep for another two hours. I will later get up at 10AM for a second morning, and start out my new day. All in all, I will have full 8 hours of sleep.
There is an added psychological factor in my favor: getting up at 5AM is like punching-yourself-in-the-face hard. Once I’m up, my cognitive dissonance will kick in, and literally punch me in the face if I don’t use the time productively.
Habit 3: Set daily goals
2021 goal: 200 days
Based on my research, I found that having a list of goals for a day makes a dramatic impact on my productivity. Even if I don’t achieve all of them, having them by my side will remind me to work harder toward these goals. Yet, I have never developed the habit of setting these goals.
That’s about to change. For 200 out 365 days, I will set the goals for the next day. It will be the last thing I do before going to bed. Putting things on paper will also put my mind at ease about all the impending activities, and thus ensuring me to get up at 5AM.
Habit 4: Charge my phone outside
2021 goal: 300 nights
You know what’s the worst for you? Eating snacks at 11PM. You know what’s even worse than the worst? Scrolling your phone at 1AM. Not only it’s a colossal waste of time, the blue light and dopamine hits will also keep me awake. But you know what’s a great alternative to phone scrolling? Listening to audiobooks and podcasts. There is a reason listening to bedtime stories helps us sleep, while watching TV does the opposite. But to listen to audiobooks and podcasts, I will need my phone, which when I get my hand on, I will automatically start scrolling. What should I do?
Here is my plan, with the help of Airpods and Apple Watch: I will charge my iPhone in my bathroom, out of my reach in bed but within the range of Bluetooth. I will play the audiobook, and jump in bed with my Airpods, so I can listen while getting into sleep. What if I need to change the volume, pause or fast-forward? That’s where my Apple Watch comes in. It has a feature as a remote control for playing content on the phone, all while keeping my hands off the phone itself.
Technology can be bad and addictive. But if you use the good tech to combat bad tech, you can win. Think about Terminators: using T-800 to battle T-1000.
Habit 5: Listening to audiobooks
2021 goal: 300 hours
“Your mind is like a garden. If you don’t actively plant flowers and fruit trees, it will be taken over by wheat and dandelions.”
I don’t know who said this, could be either Aristotle or a random self-help guru. Either way I agree with it. The reason I had a mediocre 2020 was that I let all the unpleasant outside noise occupy my mind, especially the all-consuming news. In the end, the news network and social media made me feel sad/mad/helpless and profited off my emotions. To actively combat this, I need to let useful and inspiring thoughts into my mind to block out all the unpleasant garbage.
To do so, I will listen to thoughtfully curated audiobooks and podcasts, content created by people I admire and want to learn from. The good news is my app, Audible already has a usage tracking tool, which will help me to gauge my progress every day.
Moreover, this habit will overlap with habit 4. Double-dipping on habit-forming is where my joy is.
Habit 6: Having conversations with admired people
2021 goal: 200 conversations
This is a perfect sister habit of #5. The only difference is that I will get ideas and inspirations from a live person, instead of produced content.
The old saying is that you are the average of five people you hang out with the most. If that’s indeed the case, you can guide yourself toward positive directions by simply hanging out more with people who inspire you. Over the years, I can’t remember how many conversations I had with people would not only inspired me to take positive actions, but had profound impact on my career as well. They include Chris Guillebeau who inspired me to write a book, Tony Hsieh (rest in peace, my friend) who inspired me to start a tech company, and Michelle Jones who invited me to speak at TEDxMtHood, which was picked by TED and reproduced to be a real TED talk. Had I not made these outreaches to them, my life would have been very different now. Moreover, I have also helped a few folks achieving their own dreams through conversations, and their successes give me immense satisfaction.
For this year, I have compiled an ever-growing list of people I will continue to reach out to, whether they are past friends or future acquaintances.
Habit 7: Exercise
2021 goal: 100 hours
As an avid basketball player, the Covid-19 pandemic has been devastating for my exercise routine. Gone are the days when I could exercise and have fun at the same time at the local park. To replace it, I tried daily power walks and weekend hiking trips. I even picked up crabbing, which is in fact quite a workout.
However, I still haven’t found a way to raise my heart rate on a consistent basis. Again, as someone who have a hard time keeping up with something unless I’m having a good time, running just isn’t my thing. In the new year, I made two purchases: a basketball goal and a Peloton. I will also consistently track my exercise hours.
Habit 8: Spending time with kids
2021 goal: 500 hours
In 2020, I’ve learned that to be successful, I need to delegate. Tim Ferriss’ Four Hour Work Week rings especially true in 2020. That said, there is one role I can’t never delegate: being a father. I feel yesterday, I first held this bloody mess of a crying infant, today he’s a 5 feet tall dude telling me about Mark Rober and his investment portfolio.
I also know that soon enough, he will become an aloof teenager who rolls his eyes at everything I say. To cherish the time before he turns sour like bad milk, I want to spend more precious time with him. So this year, my goal is to spend 500 hours of quality time with my sons.
The good news is that I already spend 1 hour watching sports every day, and 3 hours hiking ever weekend with them. This habit overlaps with habit #6 too.
Habit 9: Spending time with parents
2021 goal: 100 hours
If someone asks me who my best friend is, I would say it’s my wife, then my father. We talk about politics, news, parenting, and being a good person. Both my parents have been such rocks in my life, and I owe a lot to them, much more than just genetically. My father just turned 70, and my mother is approaching it as well. I know I can’t take their presence and health for granted.
When they are staying with me, I want to take every opportunity to hang out with them, whether it’s doing late night walks or watching movies together.
Habit 10: Spending the day in emotional control
2021 goal: 300 days
I am not an angry person, but once in a while I would lose my temper. No matter the reason, it’s more than just me who suffer when it happens. More importantly, I’ve learned that most of these instances are completely avoidable if I simply shift my mindset before and during outbursts.
So this is my goal, for 300 out of 365 days, I want to go through the day without losing my temper once. I’ve done this before, with projects like 30 days of no anger. It’s amazing what paying attention and actively trying to control one’s emotions can do.
There you have it! This is my 2021 New Year's Resolution and my daily tracking spreadsheet. Will I get my Tesla? I don’t know, but I’m dying to find out.
PS. If you have made it this far, follow and ping me on Twitter. I will follow you back. You are a real friend!
How I Made It to TED
On 12/6/2016, a fateful day, TED published my talk on TED.com. It changed my life. And based on the feedback I received, it also changed many people’s lives. Since then, the rejection talk has become a top 5 most viewed TED talk of 2017, with over 3 million views. Here is how it all happened.
On 12/6/2016, a fateful day, TED published my talk on TED.com. It changed my life. And based on the feedback I received, it also changed many people’s lives. Since then, the rejection talk has become a top 5 most viewed TED talk of 2017, with over 3 million views. Here is how it all happened.
Have a dream
It has always been my dream to give a TED talk. You can do it by either being invited to speak at one of the main TED events, or having your TEDx talk chosen to be featured on TED.com. Both are mystically hard. TED invites whoever they want, and less than 1% of TEDx talks get featured on TED.com.
Be invited to a TEDx event
In July 2015, I was invited to give a talk at a TEDx event in Portland. I was a little reluctant at first, since I did three previous TEDx talks. While some were good, none was picked up by TED. But I decided to do it anyway, since it’s an honor to speak at TEDx and I was friends with the organizer.
Prepare for the speech
I gave my all preparing and rehearsing for the talk. It helped that I had become an experienced speaker by then, speaking at many events for the past two years. I used each speaking engagement as an opportunity to get better, honing my stories and takeaways. I also got feedback from live audience.
Giving my speech
I was the first speaker on stage that day. Being the first had its advantages and disadvantages. You aren’t bothered by speakers before you, but you could face a cold audience too. I made sure I slowed down, made eye contact, and spoke about a very personal story to draw people in. It went great.
The (non)wait
All TEDx talks are published on Youtube. So was mine in Aug 2015. After that, I simply moved on and focused on other parts of my life/business, because waiting for TED to feature you on TED.com is a dumb game. It almost never happens (<1%), and they never contact you until they decide to do it.
Happyness
For the next 15 months, I never bothered to think about TED for above reasons. Then one day, I received a call from the TEDx organizer who said TED was interested. I still didn’t want to get my hope up. Finally, I received an email from TED to confirm it. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Aftermath
On the day when my talk was published, I didn't know what to expect. Nothing really happened, except the views for my talk was comparatively high. But the next few months, everything happened. It became one of the most viewed TED talks of 2017, and generated a lot of discussions and feedback.
Conclusion
Not all dreams are fulfilled, especially the ones that are out of your control. But you can push as hard as you can. It took me giving 4 TEDx talks, over 30 hours of writing and practice, over 50 hours of live rehearsal, and publishing a book to fulfill my TED dream. Do your best and let God do the rest.
Ask Jia 1: On Handling Rejection, Finding Passion, and Filming Yourself
I receive many questions from my readers. I will attempt to answer all of them... most of them... some of them here. Feel free to ask me more.
Question#1: How has your success affected your reaction to rejection? Have you experienced less rejection? - Anita
Just like anything in life, if you train for it, you get better. I forced myself to seek and handle rejections for over 100 days, and documented my progress and learning. Now I feel like a rejection ninja. My training provided me with a set of tools to use after hearing the word NO, and gave me a better chance to turn that NO into a YES. For example: here I was able to turn a rejection for a free night at a hotel into a nap in one of their rooms. To learn more about these tools, buy my book here. Both you and my publisher will be happy.
As I've become more successful, I haven't experienced less rejection at all. If anything, I've experienced a lot more because I make more impactful requests on a daily basis, and people reject me all the time. Some people think the more successful you've become, the more YESes you will get. It is true, but you will also get more NOs. The impact of your request grows with your success and ambition. Think about it, Donald Trump was rejected by a few folks here and there before he ran for President. Now that he has won, a lot more folks are rejecting and hating him. (No, this is not a political statement. It is a fact for all presidents and people with impact).
Question#2: How can I cure my oversleep and feel excited every day to chase my dreams!! - Tanu
Find your passion: I can relate to this question, because I overslept all the time and was even depressed when I wasn't passionate about my life and my job. Since then, I found my purpose through entrepreneurship and especially Rejection Therapy, life is now full of zest.
Make your goals public: when you make your private goals public by telling your family, friends and anyone who would listen, you create pressure for yourself and eliminate excuses for not going after your dreams.
Give yourself deadlines: Napoleon Hill once said "A goal is a dream with a deadline". By having public goals with hard, make-or-break deadlines, you become desperate, in a good way. This type of desperation brings out the most productive and creative part of you.
Do these and you will become much more excited about life. Oh, also go to bed early!
Question#3: How did you film yourself? - Spencer
Filming my experience was tough at the beginning. If I did it overtly, it would change people's reaction when they noticed they were being filmed. If I used a secret camera to hide the filming, I wouldn't feel good about it myself since I would have felt like a spy.
So I concocted a way to film my rejection sessions without either overtly showing or hiding. I hung my phone on a lanyard and wore it on my neck, and plugged in my earbuds. Then I pressed record. So most people simply thought I was just a strange guy with no fashion sense by carrying an iPhone in a dorky way. A few people got curious and asked me if I were filming, I always said YES and it was for my blog. No one cared.
I am not saying I am a genius, but...
How Trump Used the Power of Rejection to Win the White House
This past election, and especially the general election, has been a particularly challenging one for me, because I supported neither Clinton nor Trump. However, ever since Trump started leading and winning in the Republican Primaries, I have been analyzing him through the lens of rejection, like I do with almost everything else. As the results, the outcome wasn't a surprise to me at all. I published an Op-ed on Foxnews.com discussing How Trump Used the Power of Rejection to Win the White House. Please note, this article is not a political one, even though the comments reflect a few riled up folks thinking it is. I believe that the smartest entrepreneurs can, and have to learn from people they don't agree with.
Let me know what you think of my article!
Sharing My Proudest Moment with You
Life is full of ups and downs. But there are moments that when you experience them, you know your life would never be the same. Maybe your girlfriend just answered "YES"; maybe you got the acceptance letter from your favorite school; maybe there is now a newborn crying in your arms, or maybe you just landed your dream job... But those moments almost never just pop up out of nowhere. There was usually a long buildup. As a professional speaker, I just experienced one of those moments. I will now have a TED talk... and I'm still in shock.
For those who don't know, a TEDx talk is given at independent TEDx events all over the world, but a real TED talk is only given either at the annual mainstage TED Conference or is a TEDx talk being featured on TED.com. TED just decided to feature my TEDxMtHood talk on TED.com and make it an official TED talk.
But again, this didn't just pop up out of nowhere. It was a series of moments that led to this. If you know me and my story, you know my life first changed after I walked into that donut store almost exactly four years ago. My personal experiment of 100 Days of Rejection Therapy became a viral sensation, and I started telling this story to inspire other people. My first "speaking engagement" was at a local chiropractic studio to about ten people. A month later, I presented at a company to an audience of 100 people and got a round of applause. Three months later, I gave my first ever TEDx talk at TEDxAustin in front of a group of 1,000. I received a long standing ovation. From 10 people to 100 and then 1000; it was the perfect snowball.
And the snowballing didn't stop there. In subsequent years, I published my first book and achieved #1 bestselling audiobook, took many people through the rejection course and workshops, founded a corporate training company, and even acquired the original Rejection Therapy.
All these great things happened because I took the chances and opened myself up to the world. People related to me not because I was smart or awesome, but because I was real and open.
But now, it just got to a whole new level. Having a TED talk has been a dream-come-true.
You know, I am not here to congratulate myself, but to thank you, because other than God, I owe this all to you! I can't thank you enough for believing in me, supporting me, and giving me the courage I needed along this journey. After learning my story, many of you have in turn started your own journeys by risking more at work, finding better jobs, building new businesses, starting new blogs/podcasts, becoming artists... I could go on and on. You have inspired me every day.
So what's next, you ask. Well, to make the world an even more amazing place, I am asking you for one of two things:
1. Simply watch and share my TED talk with your colleagues, friends, and loved ones. We are all held back by rejections on some level, and this talk will make a difference in them.
2. Join me by becoming a Rejection Ambassador (here are the rules). You can lead other people in your organizations or communities to get out of their comfort zones and to start writing their own stories.
Because amazing things only happen outside of your comfort zone. Someday, you will share your own TED moment with me and the world.
Happy Rejection!
Jia Jiang
Taking Over Rejection Therapy
I have just taken a big step in life and business - taking over Rejection Therapy and moving my website from FearBuster.com to RejectionTherapy.com. Four years ago, I stumbled upon the Canadian entrepreneur - Jason Comely's Rejection Therapy concept while searching for a way to overcome my fear of rejection. It inspired me to start my own social experiment: 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. Little did I know that this experiment would one day turn into a book, TEDx talks, a growing business, and a self-development movement.
Both Rejection Therapy and my own blog - Fearbuster.com have thrived separately. Jason and I have remained good friends and been an inspiration for each other. Recently we reached an agreement for me to become the sole owner of Rejection Therapy. (You would think a business conversation between Jason and me would consist solely of us shouting NOOOOO to each other until we both passed out, but thankfully it wasn't the case). We made this happen for simple reasons: we both loved the Rejection Therapy concept and its potential to change the world and impact people's lives.
Going forward, everything I build will be under the RejectionTherapy.com. Not only the original Rejection Therapy game will continue to be featured, you will hear a lot more often from me to talk about rejection through blog and youtube, especially given the current political climate. RejectionTherapy.com will be a place people can come and find all kinds of ways to train their courage muscle and become fearless.
I aim to make Rejection Therapy a concept that will stand the test of time, and more importantly, impact millions of people. I dream to build a world free of the fear of rejection, so we can see the new businesses built, new art created, new jobs found and new love stories written.
I invite you to join me in this journey!
Talk That Makes You Rejection-Proof
Hello fellow fearbusters, how have you been? It’s been a while since my last post as I went on this crazy book tour around the US. I hope all of you in the mean time turned many rejections into opportunities. During my tour, I heard plenty of stories about you wanting to take your careers to the next level, or start something new, but you feel stuck in some way. A lot was based on the fear of rejection, failure, unknown, or just fear in general.
To help you move forward and turn fear into gifts, I delivered a talk at TEDxMtHood that was specifically written for you. It was based on the principles I wrote in my book – Rejection Proof, and designed to help you get unstuck from the puddle of fear that’s underneath your feet, and to know that if you embrace what you are afraid of, you can find your true calling and gifts.
Enjoy!
The Magic Word to Use After a Rejection
Speaking of rejection, no one likes it. Most people would naturally do one of two things wrong after hearing the word NO:
Run away as fast as possible and hide somewhere where the rejection can't find you
Stay and argue, attempting to persuade the other person to change his/her mind.
These are classic fight or flight reactions. However, not only are these both bad options when trying to get something we want, but they could have hidden consequences that we aren't aware of.
Wrong option #1 – Leaving:
This might look harmless on the surface, but we often walk away feeling a combination of disappointment, anger, frustration and shame. These feelings combined with the negative feedback we just received can lead to us losing confidence in our ideas, our businesses, or even ourselves. In the end, running away can cause us to give up more easily in the future.
Moreover, we don’t learn anything from the rejector on the reason we were rejected. Was it because she was in a bad mood? Was it because she didn't need what I was offering? Or possibly, was it because there is something seriously wrong with our offering that we need to change? Leaving a situation before we realize the reason why we were rejected doesn't allow us to learn the reason why. The fear of rejection triggers our body to run, but leaves us without the one thing we need in order to grow- the reason why.
Wrong option #2– Arguing:
Arguing can happen after a rejection for a couple different reasons. We might feel that the rejection is unfair or wrong. With indignation, we argue based on rules and morality. Or, we might feel that the rejection is counter-productive to both parties, so we try to argue based on interests.
However, when we're arguing we are trying to change the other person’s position and opinion, something not easily done. Position switch involves the other person’s emotion and ego. Most people are naturally repelled by the idea of admitting they were wrong in the first place or showing weakness in doing so. Arguing more than often leads to people feeling defensive and insulted. When you feel like someone is trying to "change you" or your deepest beliefs, it can lead to hurt relationships and more tension. There is no productivity in arguing after facing a rejection.
In my new book Rejection Proof, I revealed a list of techniques you can use to turn a NO into a YES after a rejection, and the first of which is using a word I discovered had magic powers to influence people and create amazing opportunities, that word is WHY.
Here's what you do:
Immediately after a rejection, before your fight or flight instinct kicks in, ask: “May I know why this wouldn't work?”
For those of you who have followed me, you might be familiar with this video where I planted a flower in someone’s backyard.
However, what you may not know is that something happened before this video. Before talking to Connie, I actually first asked her neighbor if I could plant a flower in his backyard. He was an older gentleman and said NO. But before he could turn away, I asked him why. As it turned out, he had a dog who would dig up everything he puts in the backyard. He didn’t want me to waste my flower and effort. In fact, he told me to go across the street and talk to Connie instead, because he knew that Connie loved flowers. Then the above video happened. And it happened only because I didn’t run after the initial rejection and ask the magic word WHY.
**Note that had I not asked why and simply left (like I did in my first rejection attempt), I might have thought the reason for the rejection was because he didn't like my flower, he didn't trust me or maybe because I sounded like a crazy person. I would have left the rejection attempt imagining all of the reasons why I'm a horrible and ugly person. Isn't this what we do after being rejected? We feel like it is blow to who we are as a person, some kind of indictment on our soul.
I could have done worse by arguing with him that he should let me plant a flower in his backyard. It could have turned unpleasant and even ugly. In the end, it wouldn't have done any good.
But because I asked why, I found out that it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him. In fact, he trusted me enough to refer me to his neighbor Connie. Asking why gave me another opportunity to seek out the backyard for planting my flower.
Because rejection is painful, we often succumb to our psychological tendency to fight or flight, just like our ancestors when they were fighting beasts in the wild. However, in modern day business negotiation and communication when intricate emotions and interests are involved, relying on our primary instinct is very unproductive. Use the magic word instead. Ask why.
Should You Be at Work Earlier Than Everyone Else?
Recently, I read an article on Inc.com on why you shouldn't be at work early, because it would upset other people and make you look weak. I had some thoughts I want to share on this subject in this video.
Strengthen Your Courage Muscle
Hi guys, it’s been a while since you saw my last video at the conclusion of my 100 Days of Rejection. A lot have happened since. I’ve since moved from Austin to Northern California, finished writing my book, and I am about to have a new baby. There are a lot of exciting things on the horizon for 2015, and I will tell you about them later.
But I want to discuss with you one thing today, which is the concept of the courage muscle. People have asked me: Jia, do you think you are a changed person forever now after you did 100 Days of Rejection? The answer is Yes and No. Yes I am much more confident, outgoing and fearless in term of being able to talking to anyone, asking for anything anywhere. I have used these skills to accomplish some major goals in life and business. But no, I am not changed forever. It’s not like I am this completely different person now with super powers. In fact, I am just much stronger mentally. But if I don’t exercise, I will go back.
That is what courage muscle is. Basically, none of us is either born a courageous bad ass or a timid coward. Sure, there are personality traits that make us different. But as we grew up and gain experience in the world, we started forming the habit and characters that make us either more brave or timid. By the time we became adult, these characters started to play a huge role in our success in the world. For example, it took me 30 years to really have the guts to really pursue my dream, because I wanted to the approval from other people. I didn’t want any potential rejections. Had I learned to be fearless earlier, I might have started a business as a teenager, or in my early 20s.
But it’s not too late. Right after I turned 30, I did these 100 Days of rejection. By keep asking for impossible things, I was actually exercising my courage muscle. And within a short period of time, I quickly learned that rejection is not something I should fear, but something I can learn from and turn into opportunities. So now I ask and try new things everyday, and my life and business have changed since. It’s as if I did P90x for 90 days, and I became a strong, lean and cut dude, but only mentally. But just like physical exercise, I found that if I don’t keep doing this, my courage muscle will weaken and atrophy. Eventually, I would lose all the edge I’ve gained.
So I want to encourage you to do the same thing. Go out and ask for crazy things. Start small, like asking for a burger refill, and gradually increase the difficulties, like speaking in front of strangers. By doing so, you are exercising your own courage muscle. And you will soon find out a change within yourself. You might not become a badass overnight, but you will if you keep doing this, you will become much more brave. Some day, you will ask for the promotion you’ve always wanted. You will start your own business. You will ask the cute girl out. And maybe you will give your own TED talk.
Happy Rejection! [/showhide]
Stuart Scott Revealed the #1 Quality to Win in Life Before Passing Away
When I joined my first fantasy football league, my team was named OtherSideofPillow. It’s a strange name, and it was coined by my favorite ESPN host, Stuart Scott. During Sports Center highlights, when a player calmly sinks a jumper in the clutch moments of a basketball game, Stu would often say so and so was “as cool as the other side of the pillow”. He was always funny, passionate, and cool. But other than showing people how to be cool, he also demonstrated the #1 quality to win in life. No, it is not about being cool or making the winning shot in game. It is about handling adversities through actions.
On January 4, 2015, Stuart Scott passed away after losing his battle to cancer at age 49.
Well, the above statement would have been appropriate for anyone, but not for Stu. Stu would say he didn’t lose to cancer, but he won it by how much he battled cancer. In his acceptance speech of the Jimmy V Award, Stu said the immortal words “When you die, it does not mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer, by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.”
In another words, Stu didn't define himself by the existence or the results of cancer, which he had no control over. He cared about his own bravery and action in his battle with cancer, which he had full control. And that, in my opinion, is the #1 quality of a successful life.
We all have dealt with blows in life. They could be business failures, money problems, tough upbringings, divorce, physical shortcomings, mental deficiencies, and repeated rejections by others, which is the subject I write about. There are diseases that could be as debilitating and lethal as cancer. When they happen, people usually judge their successes in three ways: circumstances, results and actions.
Circumstances – some people base success on circumstances. They equate good circumstances with winning, and unlucky breaks with losing. When economy turns sour, when business gets tough, when jobs get cut, they internalize these circumstances and blame either themselves or others. They tie their self-esteem on the ups and downs of life events. Because we all suffer setbacks, it’s really easy to feel like unlucky losers at the end of the day.
Results – the vast majority of people, if not the whole world, base success on results. They understand that circumstances are not the end of the world. They also understand that their actions could affect the outcome. So they fight, they struggle, and they try to get good results. In fact, “results-oriented” is one of the most overly used terms on LinkedIn profiles. Just do a search. However, what they don’t understand is how pointless and even dangerous it could be to base everything on results.
For one, we don’t fully control results. No matter how hard we work or compete at something, there are always many more talented people who are just as driven to beat us at the game of getting results. Moreover, when we focus on results, we started risking to game the system by unethical or illegal means. Just ask Lance Armstrong and the wall-streeters who caused the 2008 financial crisis. Lastly, no matter how hard you fight, there are circumstances in life such as cancer that can simply overpowers you.
Actions – the real brave winners judge their successes on their actions, or reactions to circumstances, in spite of what the circumstances might be and the results they might cause. In the classic book, Man’s Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl described that when he was dealt with the worst circumstances imaginable in life – the Nazi concentration camp, which one might argue it’s even worst than cancer. Yet it was in there, he discovered meaning and his true calling in life and greatest contribution to humanity. Dr. Frankl knew he had no control of his circumstances (concentration camp and guards’ brutality), and no control of results (his own survival), but he had full control of his reactions to circumstances.
Stuart Scott and Viktor Frankl were far from the only people demonstrating how to win in life through our actions. There are many, many more stories of people finding their true calling through their reaction to adversities.
Elizabeth Smart was the victim of a high-profile child abduction case at age 14. After spending nine-month with his evil tormentor and suffering through endless pain and humiliation, she was rescued. She became a champion activist against human trafficking and crimes against children, and was a recipient of the Diller-von Furstenberg Awards.
While serving in Iraq, first lieutenant Scottie Smiley was permanently blinded by a suicide bomber. After returning home, he lived life to the fullest, by climbing Mount Rainier, skiing in Colorado, surfing in Hawaii, and competing in triathlon. He received his MBA from Duke University, and taught leadership at West Point. Today, he is a Major in the US Army and recipient of the MacArthur Leadership Award.
So next time when you encounter a setback in life, no matter how severe and debilitating, and no matter how dark and hopeless it seems, remember Stu’s words. “You beat (your adversity), by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.”
It is indeed the #1 quality to win in life.
New Year's Resolutions, The Rejection Proof Way
New Year’s resolutions. It’s that time of the year again – one of the few times in the year we feel determined to make a real change in our lives. We plan, we commit and we swear that we will lose weight, learn a new language, and get out of debt. We are going to get that promotion, and we will elevate our business by 20%. Maybe we will start our own business, and even find love. We feel great and ready to roll. But here is the problem – New Year’s resolutions don’t work. On January 1st, we put on running shoes, hit the gym and buy that $200 Rosetta Stone program. By February, most of us are already slipping or have given up. A few months later, these resolutions become nothing but painful and rejectable reminders of how lazy and disappointing we are.
There are a lot of psychological reasons why New Year’s resolutions aren’t the best way to motivate us for real life change. But instead of going into psychology, I want to propose a solution based on the Rejection Proof way.
1. Instead of setting goals, set actions – one of the biggest takeaways from 100 Days of Rejection is the need to focus actions instead of results. Results such as getting a YES or achieving certain goals are tricky and sometimes downright frustrating, because they don’t depend on factors that we can fully control. For example, no matter how charming and convincing we are, some people will reject us for their own reasons. Similarly, no matter how hard we try, we might not be able to get the promotion or lose the weight, because competition and genetics will also play a role in those outcomes.
Actions, on the other hand, are entirely controllable. And if we focus on doing actions, it will most likely lead to the results we desire. For example, if I let myself just focus on making the request, I would give myself a chance to get a YES. If I make five of these requests, my odds of getting a YES increase five fold, and maybe I can even get more than one YES. Similarly, if my resolution is set to take an average of 10,000 steps a day, or to memorize five Spanish phrases a day, the odds will be in my favor that I will lose the weight and became much better at Spanish.
2. Set resolutions for shorter periods – when I quit my job to start a new business two years ago, one of the smartest things I did was to give myself a six months runway, instead of proclaiming myself as an entrepreneur with no term limit. When I started my rejection journey, I did it for 100 days instead of forever. Because forever, or even one year, is a very long time and could be psychologically taxing on people. It’s hard to run for 5 miles three times a week for a whole year. It feels like there is no end in sight.
Shorter periods, on the other hand, are much more doable and rewarding. For example, running 5 miles three times a week for three months is much more doable. And once you are done, you can celebrate and move on. But more than likely you will have developed the habit and keep going, because on average, it takes about 66 days to develop a new habit.
3. Focus on fewer actions, preferably just one – two of my favorite books, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, and The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results both advocate the powerful idea that less is more. In fact, being able to focus on very few actions for a set amount of time can deliver amazing results.
So, instead of going all out with listing multiple end-goals in health, business, relationship and intellectual self-improvement, we should focus on one or two controllable actions within finite periods.
As for my own goals in 2015, I want to successfully launch my beta product – Rejection Gym, publish my book and make it as impactful as possible, and get into the best shape of my life. However, I know it would be meaningless to set these goals as my New Year’s resolutions, because of the three issues I’ve mentioned above.
So I’ve devised my 2015 New Year’s resolutions the Rejection Proof way, and I want to share them with you:
January – March Business: Launch The Rejection Gym Personal: Go through an entire round of P90X
April – June Business: Travel across the US and make 50 stops on the Rejection Tour in conjunction with the publication of my book
July – September Personal: Go through an entire round of P90X3 Business: Launch Rejection Gym for Business
A Newly Married Couple Is Doing What?
From Jia: when you think about people traveling across America in RVs, you envision people with gray hair and fat 401(k)s, not this couple... It's a strange story: one day a young guy wrote me an email asking for a meetup over coffee. Fast forward six months, he's driving an RV on the East Coast with his wife while contributing as an integral part of my business. It's also a great story though - one with courage and adventure.
From Heath: The ALS Ice Bucket challenge sweeping across the country is a really unique way to raise money for charity. I think it’s great so many people have gotten involved and the charity has gained so much awareness. I did not participate in the challenge, probably because I’m lame and didn’t get nominated. However, I did accept another kind of challenge this year that radically changed my life.
Hi, I’m Heath Padgett and this year I accepted the challenge of working a different job in every state across America.
Who challenged me? I guess you could say I was led to going on this adventure because of discontent in my “normal person” job. However, specifically, Jia Jiang challenged me.
He said it right to my face.
I had heard of this “rejection guy” from a mentor of mine. My mentor told me there was a guy who got rejected a bunch of times, had a viral video, and then something about donuts? I wasn’t sure of the details, but I wanted to find out more. I sent Jia an email, mentioned our mutual friend, and a week later we were sitting down together at lunch in Austin, Texas.
Jia told me his story and I listened in amazement as he mentioned being rejected from nearly a hundred people. When he finished talking, he asked me to share about myself. Why did I want to meet him? What was I trying to do? How could he help?
I told him I was about to quit my job, get married, and take a long honeymoon across the United States. I said, “I’m not content to just travel. I want to have a cool mission during my journey. I wanted it to be meaningful, and not just a long vacation.”
My current job wasn’t fulfilling to me. I had accepted a sales role in a company after college and didn’t see myself working there for forty years and then retiring. I wanted to do entrepreneurial things, I wanted to write, and pursue meaningful work.
He listened, and five seconds later said, “You’re young, and still figuring out what you want to do for your career. You should do something like work a different job in every state across America.”
It was the first idea that popped into his head. He clearly was just giving an example of something I could do while traveling, not that I should necessarily do that specific challenge.
I thought about it for a moment and said, “Yep. I’m going to do it.”
At this time, Jia was receiving a lot of inquiries from young people such as myself, so when I told him I was going to accept his challenge, I don’t think he really believed me.
A few months after meeting, Jia looked me up online and saw not only had I listened to his advice, I was actually working different jobs across the country and I was in California, where he was living! He immediately reached out to me. He told me so many people had come to him for advice, but few had actually done something with it.
It has since been seven months since my initial meeting with “the rejection guy.” However, he first empowered me to take one of the biggest risks of my life. Indirectly, he also caused me to get rejected by a lot of people when I asked for jobs on the road (I think this was his intention all along). So far, I’ve worked 23 jobs over the last four months and I’m nearly halfway through my challenge of working a different job in every state.
What have I learned? I’ve learned that sometimes challenges can be a great catalyst for life changing journeys. Jia experienced a self induced challenge to get rejected for one hundred days, similar to how I’ve accepted a challenge to work different jobs all across America. At the end of this type of journey, you can’t help but be changed for the better.
Since leaving Austin and embarking on this adventure, I’ve learned how not overthink things and instead take action on what I want most. I wasn’t confident about my writing skills or job skills before my journey began, however, through action I’ve grown confident in these areas of my life (similar to how Jia learned gained confidence through rejection).
A willingness to take action is all you need to get started in a journey or challenge of your own. Jia’s challenge to me launched me into the journey of a lifetime.
How to Get Over the Fear of Asking Someone Out
I know you’re scared of being rejected by girls (or guys). It’s intimidating. And what happens if she says no? What are you going to do in that extremely awkward five second walk away from her? You will most likely trip and fall into a giant water puddle nearby and all of her friends will laugh and throw their hair back like a scene out of Mean Girls. As this plays out in your mind, you slowly convince yourself of all of the reasons why you should play it safe and not talk to her.
I’m going to give you three solid reasons why you should get up, be a man (or a woman), go say the words that need to be said, and be a hero by winning her heart.
Reason One: A simple rejection isn’t a well informed decision about your character.
You’re scared of her saying no to you, or how hard the rejection will be on your self-esteem. If you’re a normal human being, you might even feel a tinge of self doubt. Am I even an attractive person? These are all normal thoughts, but they aren’t rational.
Here’s why: She doesn’t know who you are. She doesn’t know that you volunteer on weekends at the humane society. She doesn’t know that you’re a gentleman and a scholar. She doesn’t know that you were really nervous when you introduced yourself and that normally your palms don’t sweat like you just finished running a marathon in the Sahara Desert.
She is giving you an answer based on an infinitely small judgment of who you are as a person. A large majority of her opinion on how attractive she thinks you are depends on your charisma when you present yourself.
Key: Untie rejection and your self worth.
Reason Two: Her opinion doesn’t define your worth.
I had a wise friend once tell me that even if you’re the best looking guy in the world, there are going to be girls who think you’re ugly. It’s a fact of life. I’ve even met women who think Brad Pitt is ugly. I mean, c’mon.
The point is, one person’s opinion is just that- an opinion. I’ve found through my own rejection journey that opinions are the most abundant item on the entire Earth.
Key: Acknowledge that the opinion of one person, cannot and shouldn’t dictate the way you see yourself. For every person who thinks you’re ugly, there will be one who thinks you’re beautiful, smart, and extremely hilarious. Don’t quit looking.
Reason Three: The only way to develop confidence is through extensive practice.
So maybe she really is way out of your league and you’re going to try and pull off a homerun. In this kind of situation, don’t worry about the outcome of the answer. Simply tell yourself this, “There is a very likely chance this girl will say no to me.” Then accept that answer, and go for it anyway, embracing the craziness.
“Hi, I know you’re way too beautiful for me. But I knew I couldn’t leave here without saying hello. So hello, and if you don’t think I’m the worst looking guy in the world would it be okay if I bought you dinner sometime?”
(Heyo! You killed it, nice job.)
“No thank you.”
Well, you tried. The best part about this experience was now you are one step closer to developing the confidence you need to calmly talk to women and ask them out on dates. Think of it like constantly going to the gym. If you don’t work out for six months and then try to bust out an hour on the cardio machines, you’re likely going to throw up or fall over from exhaustion.
It’s the same for talking to women, if you never practice talking to them, introducing yourself, and figuring out which talking points work or don’t work, then you’ll never quite build that mental dating muscle.
Key: The more you ask women out, the better you’ll be.
If you’re trying to figure out a practical way to get over your fear of asking someone out, I have a challenge to nudge you in the right direction. Go out and get five women to reject you in a public place. Don’t be a creepy weirdo, just ask them if they would like to have dinner with you. The rules for this challenge are you can’t lie nor break the law. Outside of that, be creative and enjoy learning how to get over your fear. While you’re warming up for your challenge, watch this video of me getting rejected by five women in the Whole Foods parking lot.
Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking
It is often said that people fear public speaking more than death. But if there is one person who can attest that the fear of public speaking can be conquered, it would be me. Two years ago, I was a shy guy who was self-conscious about his accent and was extremely fearful being in front of a crowd. Failure had a lot to do with it: I bombed most of my speeches as a student and an employee. Even when I became an entrepreneur, I still had a really tough time with speaking in public.
Fast forward two years – now, not only do I speak all the time with ease, composure and humor, I actually do it for a living. I frequently talk at companies like Google, and conferences like the World Domination Summit. My TEDxAustin speech became one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time.
Of course, I do have something to talk about now days. I lived through an unusual story, and people love to hear inspiring stories. But plenty of people with good stories and great content are still crippled by fear when delivering them. So what happened to me - the shy dude who got rejected a lot?
Well, a lot of rejection happened. More precisely, rejection training happened, especially with these two:
In each one of these episodes, I was honestly scared beyond my imagination. When making an announcement in front of a plane full of passengers, I thought someone was going to mistake me as a terrorist and tackle me. When doing unsolicited speaking on a street corner, I had no idea how I was going to be treated by people walking by.
However, by not retreating from these types of mentally challenging environments, and actually carrying through with my speeches, I gained the toughness and confidence that I would not have been able to obtain under any other circumstances. When I finally went on real stages with a real audience, I relied heavily on these tough experiences.
This was my speech at World Domination Summit one week after my street practice.
In his book The Obstacle Is the Way, author Ryan Holiday discussed that obstacles not only don't inhibit success, but actually create it if we respond to obstacles the right way. The same goes for public speaking, when we are put in the least welcoming environment and endure the situation with our actions, we gain enormous courage and confidence as the result.
Since you might not always have the challenging environment at your disposal, such as company presentations in front executives or startup pitches in front of investors, what you can do is to create these environments, like I did on the plane and the street. In other words, you can manufacture obstacles.
I can’t promise that you will become a professional speaker afterward, nor can I guarantee you success on Youtube. What I do know is that you will become a better public speaker in whatever you do by facing rejections head on, and use them as your tools.
Overcome the Fear of Judgment
Of all the fears that affected people, the fear of judgment had both stung and stunk the most for me. This is the fear of what others will think of you, especially in a negative light. Am I portraying a lack of knowledge by asking this question at work? Am I making a bad impression by not working at night (while leaving my IM on so my coworkers can see me working)? Do I look bad in public wearing shorts to this event? If I take on this new venture, will my friends and in-laws lose respect for me?
These questions used to constantly put the fear of judgment in me, so much so that I worried about what others think of me all the time. They sapped my energy and creativity, and enslaved me to other’s opinions. This is why when I first started the 100 Days of Rejection, I was so scared and I almost threw up before I went up to the security guard asking for $100:
Link to me asking $100 from stranger
It wasn’t all about fearing to be rejected, but I feared the judgment from this guy – a stranger whom I’ll probably never meet again. I was terrified what he thought of me. Would he laugh at me? Would he call security (in this case, himself)? Would he check the nearest mental hospital to see if an Asian patient had just escaped?
These questions sounded silly, but they indeed ran through my mind. If the fear of judgment could actually make a guy sick when he was looking for rejection in the first place; if it made him almost quit in an environment where there was little risk or danger, think about what this fear can prohibit you from doing in real life situations.
Then this rejection attempt changed me:
After panhandling on the street, I put myself in the middle of all kinds of judgment from thousands of strangers. Some people gave me money, others didn’t. It was scary at first, but liberating afterward. I learned that if I knew what I was doing, if I had a good reason, I could do anything I want without worrying about judgment. It made me brave and cool under pressure.
Why you should try it too: asking for money like a panhandler sounds crazy, but it forces you to go out of your comfortzone and develop a thick skin. You will learn that what people think of you really doesn’t matter. You are still the same person before and after. It’s what you think of yourself and what you do that really matters.
Go out and try this: ask $10 from people, and tell them why (prepare for a good and authentic reason, i.e. donating to charity). If they say NO, ask if there is anyway they would give you the money (i.e. let them decide where the money should go). Collaborate with them to make this happen. If their answer is still NO, shake their hands and say goodbye. Hold your head high and know you just kicked the trash out of your fear.
Rejection Therapy: How to Become Fearless
As someone who grew up wanting to be an entrepreneur, I never believed in any sort of self-help or even business training. I thought worrying about my emotions were for the weak. Instead, I should worry about real world achievements, such as making great products that people use or inventing awesome technologies that change the world.
My mindset changed when:
1. I witnessed how much fear of failure and rejection had held me back in the first 30 years of my life. I didn’t put myself out there and stayed in the cozy comfort zone. When I had good ideas, I quickly abandoned them after someone I trusted told me how dumb they were, only to see someone else made it a wild success later.
2. I eventually went all in trying to pursue my entrepreneurial dream and rejection from an investor made me cry and almost abandon everything. It was then I realized how fragile I was in that moment.
It was apparent that fear had made a direct impact on my business and personal life. If I wanted to be a successful entrepreneur or business person I would have to develop “emotional intelligence”.
I did so by having people reject me for a hundred straight days (thanks again to my friend Jason Comely’s inspiration). After my rejection journey, I made a breakthrough. I realized that rejection isn’t something I should shy away from, but something I could use to my advantage.
By getting rejected, I learned not to give a damn about people’s opinions and judgment, and became relentless in going toward my goals. I learned that I can’t control and don't want to manipulate others’ feelings and attitude toward me, and the only thing that mattered was what I can control – my own actions, emotions and reactions.
Lastly, I learned that courage is not like height or even intelligence, which are mostly genetic. Instead, it’s like muscle, and much of which can be gained through exercise. In this case, repeatedly seeking rejection is the exercise.
This past month, I designed and hosted my first ever product – The Rejection Gym. Six brave souls took the challenge to be rejected everyday together with me for 30 days. The results were nothing short of astonishing (I will go into Rejection Gym later). I learned that I was helping people to not only overcome their fear of rejection, but fear of a lot of things – judgment, networking, failure, saying NO, public speaking… It’s like finding a remedy… or exercise to overcome fear.
Let me know what your biggest fear is. I will help you to beat it.
What Can Luis Suarez Teach Us (About Rejection)?
If you are a sports fan and don't watch the World Cup, let me tell you something: you are missing out! This is an awesome tournament with tons of drama. If that's not convincing enough, know that there was a player from Uruguay bit another player from Italy in front of millions of people watching. His name is Luis Suarez. He is famous for outrageous actions on the soccer pitch, including playing soccer with hands without being a goalkeeper, racially abusing another player, and being a repeated biter. Yes, this is his third biting incident. Maybe Burger King could get him to do a commercial.
As punishment for mistaking Italian player with Italian food, Suarez was suspended for four months, including from the remainder of the World Cup by its organizing body – FIFA. Without his service, team Uruguay lost the next game in the knockout stage.
We all have either laughed or showed outrage toward Suarez. However, Confucius once said, “If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher.” Is that possible that someone like Suarez can teach us anything? The answer is YES. Or more precisely, his actions could.
1. Don’t bite people (if you hadn’t learned it by age three, now is a good time). 2. Rejection/acceptance says more about the rejector/acceptor than the rejected/accepted
The world has been shocked with his out-of-control acts, and generally felt the punishment was way too light. It seems like Suarez was universally condemned and rejected.
However, there is one group of people who not only didn’t reject him, but also embraced and united behind him – his own countrymen. Not only Uruguayans didn’t blame him for damaging his team’s chance to win as well as shaming his country, they relentlessly defended him and blamed the western media for picking on Suarez and causing such harsh punishment. When Suarez went back home, he received a hero’s welcome, including that from the Uruguayan President Jose Mujica. Mujica went as far as insulting FIFA and western media as “fascist” and “a bunch of old sons of bitches”.
How could that be, we wonder? How can anyone objectively blame anyone besides Suarez himself for what happened? The guy caused all these himself... by freaking bit someone in a soccer match! Are people from Uruguay illogical and plain mad? How could the same person elicit such stark contrasts in reactions as Suarez did from Uruguayans and the rest of the world?
After I went through 100 Days of Rejection, the reason became rather obvious. Suarez illustrates one truth about acceptance/rejection: they say much more about the accepters/rejectors than the accepted/rejected.
Think about who Luis Suarez is to Uruguay as a country. He is an extremely skilled player who appears once in a generation for a country. His talent should be appreciated by everyone.
His country, Uruguay is not particularly big (#91 in size), rich (#63 in GDP per capita) and powerful (#77 in overall GDP). It has stayed relatively peaceful and thus out of the world news. For an everyday Uruguayan who is proud of their sports, culture and country, Suarez almost represents the image, hope, and pride for an entire nation. As the results, people take the rejection of Suarez extremely personally. It really didn’t matter what Suarez did. Short of for something very extreme, they will defend him. (After the biting incident, during which the “extreme” line was clearly crossed a few times over, even that is in doubt).
The so-called persecution complex exhibited by sports fans as well as group of people looking for respect is a great example about the subjectivity and irrationality of preferences and opinions. In fact, it goes much beyond sports. We see that in culture, law and politics all the time. People rally around a person who represents them, regardless of circumstances.
When people accept or reject you or someone else, instead of arguing or getting mad, find out the ‘why’ behind their action, because it is a great opportunity to learn about them.
Why You Should Write a Book
Before I set my mind down to write my story into a book, I wasn’t 100% sure about this decision, mainly because of the time commitment and opportunity costs. In fact, just after finishing 100 Days of Rejection, I could have turned this into many things: I could start a reality TV show, film a documentary, make a podcast, which I would love to do down the road. However, I chose to write a book, for many reasons. But here is the biggest thing: I know I would love doing it the most, I will be pretty good at it, and it will have an impact. What happened after my decision was nothing short of amazing. I abandoned almost all my social life, both online and offline. I wrote, wrote and wrote. There were lots of coffee-binging, face-palming and hair-pulling. In the end, it was the most productive and creative eight months of my time writing this book.
I believe if YOU also have something to say, some thoughts to express, some wisdom to share, you should also write a book. For these reasons:
1. It forces you to think. In our hyper-connected social media ADHD world, who thinks anymore? It’s all about go go go, click click click, scroll scroll scroll. However, writing a book forces you to sit down and dig deep into your mind and soul, and shovel the most creative stuff out of yourself. It’s an amazing process that gets the best out of you.
2. It documents your life and story. We all have our stories and thoughts. If we don’t write them down, they are gone forever. By writing a book, you document what transpired in your life and in your brain, and forever leave a legacy for yourself in the world and in your family.
3. It inspires others. Yes, it really does. I am continually amazed by how many people tell me they can relate to my story, even though we don’t know each other at all. Just you know, every time you face a crisis, or discover something cool, or found a solution to a problem, someone else can also relate. Your book will inspire and help them, even if you don’t know them.
4. It moves you forward. Writing a book will propel you to the next stage in life. You will see things and experience events with much more clarity and purpose. It will also become your brand, like a business card. You can give to others as a gift, which brings credibility you shouldn’t have otherwise.
None of the reasons includes making a lot of money, because you probably won't. And if you write with money as your number one goal, you will likely be disappointed.
What do you think? Ready to get down and write? If you do, feel free to reach out to me with your book idea.
I AM BACK! (From Book Writing)
I just pushed the SEND button. Now my manuscript is in the hands of my editor. I am so excited that my neighbor asked me if I was celebrating a World Cup victory.
Ever since I signed my book deal with Random House last year, my life had changed. I toiled away for eight months at writing at coffee shops, dark rooms, hidden office space, coffee shops, libraries, parked cars and flying airplanes. Now I am done, and it feels amazing.
My book was about how to overcome your rejection fear, and making rejection your friend. It is filled with stories, research, learning and tools from my 100 Days of Rejection. I am very proud of my work because I know it is good and will help and entertain a lot of people.
If you want a copy, make sure you subscribe to my blog. I will run specials just for my blog readers and followers leading up to the publication date.
What’s next: I am going to reignite my blog through videos, writings and experiments. The world we’ve discovered together in this past year was an amazing one, and we are just getting started.
…LET SEE WHAT HAPPENS!