Achieving New Year's Resolutions Like Sisyphus
The new year is here. It's time for, you guessed it, New Year's resolutions.
Do you know whom I am jealous of when it comes to achieving New Year's resolutions goals? You will have never guessed it: Sisyphus.
Yes. The guy in Greek mythology who made Zeus so mad by cheating death twice, so Zeus condemned him to eternally push a giant rock uphill. Right before the rock gets to the top, it rolls back down to the bottom, forcing him to do it all over again. The process would go on forever.
This guy rocks, in more ways than one!
Yeah, that's the guy.
You might ask why I am jealous of that pathetic loser? Well. Sisyphus' situation might be tragic and miserable, but he isn't a loser at all. And when it comes to achieving goals, he's way more successful than my past New Year's resolutions.
1. Sisyphus must be in incredible shape. People think CrossFit is hardcore physical training. Try pushing a rock forever and ever. Over the years, his body must look like the combination of the Incredible Hulk and LeBron James. I can only dream of achieving that type of fitness through any New Year's resolutions.
2. He's very consistent and successful in his goals. He pushes the rock to below the peak every time and fails only at the last second. In New Year's resolutions terms, Sisyphus always fails on December 31st.
My resolutions usually fall apart long before that… somewhere near January 10th. After that, the only purpose of my New Year's resolutions was to remind me of my futility.
All that's to say: I was bad at this New Year's resolutions thing. I was like the Lazy Sisyphus. I could only wish I was half as successful and consistent as the real one.
This is what most New Year's resolutions look like in February
Now, maybe being jealous of an imaginary figure cursed for eternity isn't your cup of tea. But I bet you aren't great at this New Year's resolutions thing either.
In the United States, where I live, 41% of people regularly make New Year's resolutions. But of all the New Year resoluters… Resolutionalist? Only 9% keep them. You are more likely to have diabetes than achieve your New Year's Resolutions.
Now, all that changed two years ago when I accidentally discovered a way to stick to my goals far longer than I could have ever done in the past. In fact, my resolutions lasted six months.
Now, before you accuse me of still being a failure, let me just say: it's a giant step in the right direction. For someone who usually quits in January, June was a 500% improvement. No matter what you do in life, whether buying stocks or hair restoration, you take +500% all day, every day.
It's like my Lazy Sisyphus took a steroid/Red Bull/Adderall combo. Instead of tossing the rock away at base camp, murmuring, "fuck this shit," he actually pushes it halfway.
As a result, I had one of my most productive years: having the best year in business, starting two new blogs, quitting a few bad habits, getting my mental health back on track, and rehabbing a back injury to basketball shapes.
How did I do it?
It was simple. Instead of setting New Year's resolutions to be outcome goals: like making more money, landing a better job, getting promoted, losing weight, finding love, or going viral on TikTok, I set input goals: actions I could take and track every day.
My resolutions for that year were:
Writing for 1,000 hours
Getting up early for 200 (out of 365) days
Setting daily goals for 200 (out of 365) days
Charging my phone outside of the bedroom for 300 nights
Listening to audiobooks for 300 hours
Having conversations with admired people 200 times
Exercise for 100 hours
Spending 500 hours of meaningful time with my kids
Spending 100 hours of meaningful time with my parents
Not losing my temper for 300 days
For me, these input goals were much simpler to control, measure and achieve. I used a spreadsheet to track them every day, and received tons of pleasure every day when I put down progress numbers next to these categories.
As I mentioned, this lasted until June (again, astronomical improvement) instead of December. Why? Simple: I got bored. It's tough to set goals for the whole year. They started to lose pizzazz after a while.
Good resolutions changes things up to keep it fresh
So, to make it work this year, I am changing things up: instead of setting 10 goals for the whole year, I am setting 3 input goals every month.
For January, I am going to:
Write (or any creative work) for 90 hours
Get up by 6AM for 25 days
Set 3 daily goals for 25 days
Here is my spreadsheet to track my progress.
It's like my personal Sisyphus is setting up 12 stops along the mountain, and he's planning to get to one stop at a time. This way, it won't be an all-or-nothing venture.
Take that, Zeus, you vengeful, jealous, incestuous pervert!
Moreover, I am not only doing this, but also got 77 readers of mine to do it together. I am calling it the Sisyphi Camp. We can become a bunch of Sisyphi (that’s the plural form of Sisyphus, right?… Right?) and collectively kick Zeus' butt by pushing the rock to the peak together.
Check out the Sisyphi Camp!
How I Got My Email List Back
I love Mailchimp, an email marketing tool and use it to organize my email list and deliver emails to my readers, the people who made me who I am today. Mailchimp isn’t cheap, and I spend thousands of dollars for their service. But I care about my readers much, much more than money. So the money spent on good software is worth it. After all these years, Mailchimp and I are like an old couple.
That said, just like any relationship, my marriage with Mailchimp hasn’t been without rocky periods. In fact, for a moment, it looked like we were headed for a pretty nasty divorce. But the skills I’ve learned through the Power of Rejection saved our marriage.
Here is how it went down:
One day in June 2019, I received a message from my publisher (the company that published my book - Rejection Proof) telling me that they will run an Amazon promotion on June 26 to sell my book for only $1.99 on Kindle. They implored me to announce this deal to my readers.
Great deal right? What could go wrong?
You know what? That was an incredible deal. I loved writing my book and put all my energy and effort into writing it back in 2015. But in 2019, I had long moved on from marketing my book, or even trying to make money from it. At that point, Rejection Proof was only there to help others. So if my price-conscious (cough *cheap* cough) readers have the chance to read the book for the price of a pack of gums, I should let everyone know. Right?
Moreover, I was laser-focused on building a mobile app at the time. I hadn’t written emails to my readers for a long-time, and I felt guilty for neglecting them. So I thought I should send them a public service announcement email informing them of the deal.
So on June 26, I wrote the following to my email list:
I was trying to inform my readers about the deal while being self-deprecating. And after sending it, I didn’t think too much of it. Who bought the book, or how many have bought it, I didn’t know and didn’t care. With $1.99 per book, I wouldn’t make a penny. But this should build goodwill, and nothing bad will happen. Right? Right?
Boy, was I wrong? All hell broke loose after I sent this email.
Two days later, I got the following email from Mailchimp:
I was flabbergasted. What happened?
I right away replied to Mailchimp looking for answers. As it turned out, I made a big rookie mistake. Since I hadn’t sent any emails to my readers for over a year, many people had already forgotten who I was and how/where they signed up. When my first email was seen as “promotional,” without any fancy banners or graphics, many people mistook me for a spammer/scammer, so they complained and even unsubscribed. It triggered a red flag to a “large Internet service provider” (maybe AT&T, or Comcast, who knows), which sent a warning to Mailchimp.
For Mailchimp, a business built on delivering emails to readers, pissing off any “larger Internet service provider” was bad for business. So they questioned my use of email lists and suspended my account.
To restore service, they asked me to:
Delete all emails that were dormant for over a year. Justification: These emails are stale. They have probably forgotten who you are, so you should delete them, so they don’t complain.
Delete all emails I’ve manually collected outside of online forms.
Delete my social security number and birth certificate from the government. Announce to the world that I have sinned and should die.
I made the #3 up, but it sure felt like it at the time. And both #1 and #2 were true.
I was irate. What Mailchimp was asking was truly unacceptable.
At the time, since I hadn’t sent an email to my readers for a long time, almost ALL my emails would be considered dormant. So I would have to lose my entire list. Then what’s the use for Mailchimp?
At the end of my live speeches, I would verbally recruit people interested in testing my app to text me their emails. I would then manually load them up on Mailchimp and send them instructions. Deleting all these emails would make me unable to manage this group.
Over the years, I’ve paid tens of thousands of dollars to Mailchimp to use their service. I had never made any infractions, but only this one time. And even this one time was with innocent intent. I couldn’t believe Mailchimp would treat a loyal customer this way.
So I angrily wrote back to Mailchimp as such.
No. Mailchimp wouldn’t budge based on my “reasoning” and complained. They also added this line:
That’s it!!! At this point, I was happy to oblige.
Over the next three months, I tried all kinds of alternative software: Convertkit, Aweber, ActiveCampaign, etc. But here is the issue: switching was hard when you have used a service for so long and have been happy with it. All the other products didn’t feel right. For what I was trying to accomplish - newsletters, blog posts, and some interactions, Mailchimp was perfect for what I was doing.
More importantly, I started having second-thought about switching because of the reason in the first place. I had a fight with Mailchimp, if I were to keep using the marriage analogy. It wasn’t anything related to features, prices, and user interface. It was all based on emotions and a sense of injustice. Emotions, no matter how justified, usually result in lose-lose outcomes.
If somehow Mailchimp and I could kiss and make up, I would be happily back with them.
Do you ever get the feeling for your old software?
Here is where the marriage analogy falls short: with your estranged spouse, you have to sit down with her to figure things out. You are still dealing with the same person. And the person might not change after all.
But with business. Business is… well, business. Mailchimp is not a person with a single personality. It’s made of hundreds if not thousands of employees. So it’s worth to try with a different person.
Through the Rejection Therapy training, I knew what to do:
So I wrote them the following as the last ditch effort:
Dear Mailchimp Support Manager,
It's been three months since my account has been suspended. Before I migrate my entire list to another service, I feel there is a sense of reluctance and sadness within me. I have been using Mailchimp since 2013, and I have grown to become familiar with the service. I love Mailchimp, and it has served me well. Looking at what caused our issues and your demands, I want to give it one last shot to see if we can achieve a compromise before having to say goodbye permanently.
1. Removal of all contacts collected offline. I have already done this. In fact, I have deleted an entire list of emails that didn't specifically opt into my newsletter.
2. Removal of all inactive contacts added over 12 months ago and who have not opened any emails recently: this one is the one I had issues with because of its impracticality and unfairness in my case. I sent out one campaign in the past six months, ONE! What you are requesting is that I delete all long-time readers who didn't open that one campaign, which is the majority of my list. I was never informed that I needed to fulfill this requirement in order to keep the list active. I understand it's a suggestion and best practice, but not a requirement.
So here is my suggestion: you restore my account. I will be very cautious in sending out future campaigns. I will also ask them to unsubscribe if they don’t want to hear from me. My list is composed of my fans, and they are very loyal and engaged. But if they don't want to hear from me, I will be happy to remove them.
If my campaign triggers another warning, I would also be happy to shut down the service and leave.
I hope you can see my attempt and effort in trying to find a reasonable compromise to salvage our business relationship. Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks!
A long-time customer
In this email, I used three different tools in the Power of Rejection:
Loss aversion: I mentioned I had been with Mailchimp since 2013 to show my loyalty. I talked about the great relationship we have enjoyed. If we were to say “goodbye permanently,” it would be a loss for both Mailchimp and me. No business wants to lose loyal customers who buy from there over and over. So there were also incentives for Mailchimp to preserve the relationship.
Reciprocity: I mentioned that I’d made compromises to resume the relationship. People are emotional beings. Emotions can go either way. It can both hurt or help. In this case, I demonstrated goodwill by making an effort. People naturally want to return in kind when they see the other party making sincere compromises.
Solutions: I spelled out concrete and reasonable solutions to our current issues, including actions from both parties. For me, I wanted my service restored. For Mailchimp, they wanted to make sure I wouldn’t abuse their services, which I didn’t any way other than the one-time snafu.
When you take emotions out of business discussions and use these Rejection-salvaging principles, conversations would turn positive in a hurry.
A rep from Mailchimp replied right away, thanking me for reaching out and wanting to find a compromise. After explaining their original position, here is what they wrote:
And that is all it mattered. My service was restored.
Since that day, it has been all happiness and satisfaction between Mailchimp and me. I’ve continued to spend thousands of dollars every year. In fact, Mailchimp hired me as a speaker at one of their marketing events this year, so I made some of my money back. Hey Mailchimp, you are not the only one who charges people for service!
For the vast majority of us, this IS life. Our life is made of thousands of tedious negotiations. What if, through training and knowledge, you can maintain composure, restore and enhance relationships, and get what you want more times than not? Wouldn’t it make a difference?
Take the Power of Rejection course if you want to learn and practice the skills to win these negotiations in the face of rejections, whether it’s for spectacular victories or everyday small successes.
Jia
When Should You Quit?
“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never…” - Winston Churchill
“Winner never quit and quitters never win” - Vince Lombardi
“If you stop now you are a damn loser!” - my dad yelling at the young Jia
Are you inspired yet? These are the quotes we see everywhere: on wall posters, on images of clouds and mountains, and out of the mouth of every sports coach. You also hear real stories of athletes, entrepreneurs, and artists who have persevered through hell to accomplish unimaginable feats.
So you should never give up on your goals, no matter what it takes, right?
Never give up? Never never never?
But what if you actually never accomplish your dream? For every movie or athletic star, there are thousands, if not tens of thousands of people who tried just as hard but never made it. Some clung to their dream for so long that they spent their whole life or youth pursuing it. What if they had pivoted earlier and found success in something else? Wouldn’t that be a better life?
So you also hear these quotes:
“Don’t throw good money after bad.” - Croatian Proverb
“If that doesn’t work, try something else.” - Richard Russo
“That’s enough! Go home, for heaven’s sake! It’s time for dinner!” - my mom yelling at the young Jia
Forget about “to be or not to be.” The real Shakespearean question in life should be “to quit or not to quit.”
I teach people not to fear rejection, and not to give up easily after rejection. And I hear a lot of people ask this question, “how many rejections do I need to take before I should give up.” It’s easy to say, never give up. But I know that’s bad advice.
Life is about both victories and trials and errors. It’s about both perseverance and experimentation.
At what point do you let go?
So when do you give up?
The answer is up to you, not in a “follow your heart” way but in a number-driven way.
I teach people a tool I have developed through Rejection Therapy. It’s called the Rejection Runway.
If your dream and project involve the acceptance of someone else, you will consequently get tons of rejections. For projects such as getting your dream job, getting a promotion/raise, selling a product, getting funding for your company, etc., the Rejection Runway is a great tool to judge when to persevere and when to pivot in your pursuit.
Before your project, think of the number of rejections you would take before you quit. Write that number on a post-it note and stick it on your wall. That’s your Rejection Runway. Then, every time you get rejected, subtract one from that number. Don’t give up your pursuit until that number hits zero. And if it does hit zero. QUIT! And do so with your head up and no regret.
Now, the initial number is based on the nature of your project and how much it means to you.
For example, if the project is to convince my wife that we should go to Hawaii for vacation instead of Maine, that number is around 3. (If it’s Hawaii vs. Oklahoma, I’ll raise that number to 50 and think about breaking my leg on purpose.)
If it’s to get a dream job, say at Google, I might set the number to 100.
But if it’s for something so meaningful, say to save my kid’s life, that number will be infinite.
When to keep going and when to quit. The Rejection Runway will show the way.
Why the Rejection Runway is fantastic:
1. It prevents you from quitting too easily. We quit too early rather than too late with the vast majority of pursuits. The pain of rejection will have you second-guess your decision and run for cover all the time. In projects which might take 20 rejections to get a YES, most people quit after 1 or 2. Having an ample runway, say 50, will give you a much better chance to help you reach your goal before quitting.
2. It prevents you from quitting too late. Some people have the opposite problem - they keep spending time, money, and effort on a project beyond what it is worth, because they don’t know when to quit. Having the runway to guide you when to quit will prevent the following psychological traps:
The Gambler’s Fallacy - you keep believing the next try will give you the result, so you keep going until you gamble away all your resources and then some.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy - you’ve invested so much effort that you would not allow yourself to quit, because you can’t justify the resource that’s already spent, so you keep spending more.
Once you install the Rejection Runway, you will be able to properly assess how much this project means to you. It will tell you when it’s the right time to quit.
What if rejection can become your fuel?
3. It turns rejection, the problem we fear the most, into mental fuel. Think about gasoline, the thing that powers and propels your car forward. You will keep going until your gas meter shows zero. Now, rejection has just become your gasoline, and your Rejection Runway has become your fuel meter. So instead of you fearing rejection, you will start loving it.
Try the Rejection Runway in your next project that requires rejections, and let me know how it goes.
Jia
What You Did After Rejections
I asked many of my readers to send me their own stories about not giving up after rejections in my previous post - How I Saved $25K with One Simple Decision. To be frank, I was more or less expecting a few more passport/driver’s license stories.
I was blown away by what I read. Here are some of the stories:
From L, an author, and speaking coach:
My story: I wanted a blurb from a speaking mentor of mine who is an NYTimes bestselling author. I sent an email pitch to him and received a polite reply from an assistant saying that he felt it was too much overlap with what he did. It felt like a conflict of interest. I didn’t agree about the conflict but wasn’t sure how to articulate it.
Later that week, I happened across a LinkedIn post of Barbara Corcoran’s in which she shared the letter she sent to Shark Tank after she was turned down for the job. I woke up the next morning thinking: I can do this too. I wrote back saying that I must not have articulated the premise of the book well enough because, in fact, by reading my book, readers would be in a perfect position to take advantage of my mentor’s program (which I soft promote in the book.)
That day, my mentor personally wrote to thank me for the clarification, and if he were to write a blurb, what would I ideally want it to say? Success!
Jia’s thoughts: as an author, I know the pain on both sides of blurb requests. When I wrote my book a few years ago, very few people knew who I was, so I begged 20 bestselling authors I knew to blurb my book to give it more credibility. Nowadays, I have become an established author myself, I get tons of requests from other up-and-coming authors to do the same for their books.
In fact, it’s more painful to be on the receiving end of the requests because I am forced to say a lot of NOs. I simply don’t have the time to read other people’s manuscripts… heck I don’t even want to read my second grader’s homework, and his academic trajectory is that of a homeless person.
Me when getting another blurb request.
But how can I blurb others’ books if I don’t read them? What if the book stinks? What if the author advocates cannibalism in the book? If I endorse it without knowing, my name might be forever linked with the human-flesh-diet.
It’s a catch-22. So I will just have to say NO to all of them.
So, how did L get a YES from her mentor after the initial rejection? There were three Rejection Proof principles involved here:
1. Targeting - You are much more likely to get a YES if you target the right person. In this case, she asked her mentor, who knew her well, and she asked him twice. The mentor also had incentives to preserve the relationship. So it’s easier for him to say YES.
2. Win-win - she handled the objection by spelling out the benefit to the would-be endorser - promoting his program in her book. Let me tell you a secret: this is the face of most authors when someone else is promoting their work for free.
When someone's promoting your work for free.
3. Lowering risks - additionally, by selling her mentor the benefit of endorsing her, L demonstrated that she’s a savvy and empathetic person. In the mentor’s mind, this would lower the potential risks of linking his name with her book. Because a savvy and empathetic person usually doesn’t write books about eating other people in her books.
From V, a corporate employee:
This was one year ago when I was hunting for my first ever corporate job. There were a lot of rejections I received from my interviews.
Then I message people on LinkedIn--there’s one remarkable person who referred me to his colleague from his old company. This colleague interviewed me. But I never heard back from her again.
If I am too obedient in following that fate of rejections after rejections, I’ll just succumb to pitying myself. But I chose to message the person on LinkedIn and update him on my interview process. A few months later, the LinkedIn guy had a posting. I got it, with a desired position and salary.
The funniest part, the colleague who interviewed me also became my workmate.
Thanks for sharing this, Jia! I’ve been so stressed out about work lately, but this motivated me somehow. Have a great rest of the week!
Jia’s thoughts: V’s example here should be used in job search textbooks. The #1 tool I teach job-seekers is getting a degree from Harvard. If that’s not possible, #2 would be getting a referral, even from strangers.
Research has shown that while only 7% of job applicants have referrals, 40% of jobs are given to referred candidates. So V was very astute in asking for referrals here. She might or might not know this LinkedIn connection well, but a referral is a referral. That’s all it mattered.
Unfortunately, V still got rejected. In fact, ghosting is the worst form of rejection. That’s where most people stop with their effort. But she was able to turn it around by using a couple of additional techniques:
1. Mind-refresh - V gave updates to the LinkedIn connection who referred her. It kept her fresh in her mind. So when a job opened up, V’s name was at the top. In this busy world, our minds are occupied by everything everywhere all at once. Reminding people that you are still on the job market is a great way to get opportunities fed to you.
2. Gratitude - attitude matters a lot in handling rejections. V showed respect and appreciation for her LinkedIn connection even though the referral didn’t work out. It showed that V wasn’t just using her to get what she wanted.
It also unconsciously injected some motivation and perhaps a tinge of guilt in the LinkedIn connection’s mind because her colleague ghosted V. That might or might not have prompted her to help V with another interview and eventually the job, but it couldn’t have hurt.
What you do after a rejection shows a lot about you. Use it as an opportunity to demonstrate your character and emotional intelligence to others and yourself.
Every rejection is an opportunity to show your character.
From D, an artist
When I wanted to study classical painting in Italy, I couldn’t afford tuition and applied for government help in Switzerland, where I was living.
The rules in Switzerland were:
1) financial support is only given to domestic educational institutions,
2) financial support is only given for education that leads to a recognized degree (Bachelor’s, Master’s),
3) another rule I can’t recall now.
My situation went against all three rules: studying abroad, just getting a diploma instead of a recognized degree, and one more thing.
What drove me to find a way was that I REALLY wanted to study at this particular school. I had traveled to different countries to find the best school I could find, and it was the one in Italy. I just had to study there. It felt inevitable.
I wrote passionate letters to government officials. And I got the vice chancellor of one of Switzerland’s art universities to write a statement for me, confirming that the type/quality of education in drawing & painting that I was looking for was no longer provided in Switzerland. The authorities finally agreed! I graduated after four years of studies, and although I had to reapply every year, I received financial support throughout. This made the studies possible that have been the foundation for my livelihood during the past 10+ years.
Apparently, when my motivation is strong enough, I will attempt to do what seems impossible.
Jia's thoughts: Congratulations to D for realizing his dreams and building a great career. This story is a classic example of someone who wanted something badly enough, and he moved mountains to make it happen, even after being rejected over and over.
We all face similar situations in life. D is an inspirational story because of his burning desire. But life decisions are usually not that cut-and-dry. What if your desire for something is strong but not THAT strong? What if it’s for something very nice to have, but you also have other attractive alternatives? How much effort do you give to make this particular desire happen? At what point do you say, “this is not worth it,” and just give up and try something else? Is there a right answer here?
Yes, there is.
I’ll tell you when you should quit and when you should keep going with your dreams in the next post.
Jia
How I Saved $25K with One Simple Decision
My two hands: one was holding a mini American flag, and another was semi-raised in the air. Words of the United States Naturalization Oath were coming out of my mouth, and the sound of the Star-Spangled Banner was about to be played. I couldn't stop smiling. It had been a long wait to become a US citizen since I moved to this country decades ago. Now. I am finally an American!
This happy day comes with complications...
But one of my happiest moments also brought some complications – I needed a new passport, fast. I would need to travel to London in two months for a high-profile $25,000 speaking engagement. I can't get there without my new passport. The expedited passport service takes 5-7 weeks. It's tight, but I can probably make it.
The first thing I did after the naturalization ceremony wasn't downing two Big Macs or buying a shotgun at Walmart to show my new Americanness. It was to make a beeline for the post office, where people apply for passports. (You would think passport service happens at the embassy, State Department, or at least Social Security office, but NO, the freaking post office! I would rather get a colonoscopy than go to a post office. But this was for $25K. Daddy's got to eat!)
After waiting through a usually long line while chewing through one of my nails, I still had my genuinely bright smile. I asked the clerk, "I just became an American today. Where can I get a passport?"
The guy's face didn't move a muscle, "you need an appointment."
It's not like I was expecting a warm bro hug or a secret welcome-to-the-brotherhood handshake. Still, I was kind of hoping for a simple "congratulations!" But this was the least of my concern now.
"Wait, an appointment? What for?" I asked.
"To turn in your required documents." His face still didn't budge when speaking.
"Why do you need an appointment for that? I have all the documents here with me." I didn't know if I was impersonating a whining American or just becoming one.
"You need an appointment, bro." Still no facial movement other than his mouth. I tried to replicate it that night in front of a mirror but couldn't. I think talking without expression was this guy's superpower.
"OK, can I make an appointment now?"
"You need to do it on our website."
"How long would it take to get an appointment?"
"Two to three weeks."
All my excitement and pride in becoming an American are now gone. "I don't have 2 to 3 weeks! I have a speaking event in London in eight weeks. So adding the 2 to 3 weeks appointment wait to the 5-7 weeks it takes to process it, I am not gonna get my passport in time."
"Nothing I can do, bro." Who says a poker face isn't infuriating?
"Come on. There's got to be a way."
"You need an appointment, bro."
After giving a few more exasperated words and only to have a few more non-empathic "bro" s in return, I left.
Seriously? This is where you get a passport?
"Government bureaucracy… I can't believe this." I shook my head while driving my car, all while thinking about switching from Independent to Republican.
If this were me before 100 Days of Rejection, I would have accepted my fate, rushed home, and gone straight to make an appointment, hoping for a miracle that the passport would somehow arrive early in time for my flight.
But I was the Rejection Guy now. I was trained to think and act differently.
"Let me try this again," I said to myself.
I searched for another post office using Google Maps, and pulled up to the nearest one. I went in, waited through a similar line, and got to another clerk. I started my pitch:
"Hello, I just got my citizenship today, and I need my passport ASAP so I can make it to a speaking event in London. I know you usually need an appointment for this, but my event is in 8 weeks, and I might not have enough time to wait through the appointment and processing time. I have all the documents with me here, and I am looking for someone kind enough to help me. Would you be able to help me?"
This was a prepared statement injected with 3 different Rejection Therapy principles. I threw the kitchen sink at it.
"OK…" he nodded. This guy had more facial movement in one second than the other guy in 15 minutes. "I think I can help you. Are you sure you have all the docs?"
"Yes." I handed him the envelope that included enough information for someone to steal my identity twice.
"Here is the form. Fill it out. I'll take your application now. No need for an appointment."
"Thanks, man! You just saved me." I said profusely.
And he did. I got my passport seven weeks later, a few days before my scheduled flight.
London was amazing, by the way. I gave a great talk and collected $25,000, all while having a paid trip to one of my dream places. I am not into fish and chips, though. England, with all the land you've conquered in history, you named smelly fries your national dish?
I was this close to not being able to speak in London.
But looking back, it was a close call. Most people would treat rejection from one person representing an organization, such as "the government," as a rejection from the entire entity. But me? Rejection Therapy taught me that organizations are made of thousands of people with different mindsets. So if I can find the right person, and say the right things with the right attitude, I'll always give myself a chance to get the results I want.
After rejections, my Rejection Therapy training gave me the instinct to try again and the knowledge of what to say.
Life is full of decisions like this. Being able to handle rejections can make a huge difference in the long term. Maybe a better job, maybe a raise, and maybe the love of your life.
Do you have experiences like this – you got rejected, but you didn't give up, tried again, and eventually got what you wanted?
Share with me. I'd love to hear it.
Jia
[Cracking Resolutions] Weapon 1 - Developing a Routine
Do you know what words I dreaded the most from my mom growing up? It wasn't "have you done your homework" or "why are you so messy?"
What I disliked the most was "what do you want to eat today?" She would ask me this question every morning.
"I don't know, mom! I'll eat anything you cook." I would reply.
"What do you like?" she would ask again. No, it's not the same question. She changed 'want' to 'like,' somehow always tweaking a word or two to make it OK so she could repeat the question.
"I don't care! Just give me anything!" I would answer with a little exacerbation.
"No. What do you want?" She would change the word from 'like' back to 'want' to make it OK to repeat the question the third time.
It usually ended with me picking the same thing I had yesterday. And she would tell me to pick something new, and I would get frustrated and tell her to stop nagging me, and she would tell me how ungrateful I was. I was already tired from the choosing and arguing before my day had started.
From the look of it, I should have felt great about being able to pick my food. That's freedom, is it? But the reality was that I had no interest in making that choice. Whether important or trivial, making choices takes brain power, which I wanted to reserve for something that's more worthy… like whom I should hang out with school that day, or how I could get away with not doing homework.
Interestingly, I've never tried to figure out why my mother kept asking me these same questions in the first place. Perhaps she also disliked making that choice, so she would continuously attempt to delegate that obligation to me.
Freedom is great... until you have to use it all day every day
In western society, the one thing we value more than anything else is freedom - the freedom to do whatever, to say whatever, and to vote for whomever you want. That freedom works amazingly well for art and innovation, but not so when it comes to productivity. That’s because complete freedom means our mind has to painstakingly make decisions on what to do next frequently. Indeed, researchers have discovered that our executive functions are a limited resource, which would deplete throughout the day as we engage in making choices.
To combat decision fatigue, legendary innovators like Steve Jobs would develop a routine to wear the same clothes and engage in the same morning activities so they can reserve their brainpower for making more important choices.
And developing a routine has become the most important weapon in my journey to conquer New Year’s Resolutions so far this year.
At the beginning of the year, I wrote an article on my 2021 New Year’s resolutions. Because New Year’s resolutions are notoriously impractical and soul crushing, all I wanted to find out was if the act of sticking with and achieving ambitious New Year’s Resolutions is even possible.
When I started, it quickly confirmed my suspicion: it was really, really hard, because of one problem: my free-flowing lifestyle wasn’t conducive to achieving with multiple goals throughout the day.
As an entrepreneur, I had the freedom to set my own schedule. It sounded beautiful in theory but was hellishly chaotic in reality, especially when trying to hit multiple goals. Throughout the day, I had to continually deciding what to do next. By the end, I was not only exhausted from all the choosing, but also wasn’t hitting the goals at all. My night would descend into pleasure-seeking/pain-avoid behaviors, such as watching TV or surfing the web late into the night while eating unhealthy snacks. These behaviors would impact the time and mental state I would get up the next day, and the circle of hell would continue. I just wanted to give up. To get my Tesla Model X, I knew something had to change.
To get this, I need a change
Then the much needed change came: I developed a routine the first time in my life, in order to hit all my goals without having to think what to do next.
Here is my routine:
Every morning, I would have business meetings and run errands from 7-10 am. Then I would drive for 45 minutes to a mostly empty parking lot overlooking the Pacific coast.
During the two-way commute, I would listen to loaded audiobooks and podcasts (habit goal #6: listening to books for 300 hours) to get into the inspired and creative mindset.
Once I arrived, I would park my car in front of the ocean and spend the next 4-5 hours writing (habit goal #1: 1,000 hours of creative work). The beautiful view of the ocean is like a continuous injection of creativity into my brain. Who needs a corner office when you can drive a car to wherever you want and work there all by yourself?
At 6 pm, I would get home, have dinner and chat with my parents (habit goal #9: spending 100 hours with parents). Afterward, I would watch and talk sports with my sons (habit goal #8, spending 500 hours with kids).
After the kids go to bed at 9 pm, I will take a walk with Tracy (habit goal #7: exercise for 6,000 minutes) and talk about the day. After that, I will watch a movie or just hang out.
At 10:45 pm, I will set the goals for the next day (habit goal #3: set daily goals for 200 days), charge my phone in the bathroom (habit goal #4: charge phones out of reach), and get in bed by 11 pm (habit goal #2: go to bed at 11 pm. I changed the goal from "getting up at 5 am," I will explain it later).
Now, the combination of action-based new year’s resolutions plus the daily routine is gloriously effective. I can go through the day while automatically accomplishing my goals. I didn’t have to think. I can simply do. It’s like playing Pac-man, I would seamlessly eat the dots while going through the day. I would preserve my mental energy in making writing choices… such as what’s the next phrase to use here. Do I want to be informative, narrative, sarcastic, or self-deprecating? Now that’s an important choice worthy of killing some brain cells over.
After the day is over and when I hit all my targets, I know I’ve had a good day, no matter what others or even my own feeling at the moment is attempting to persuade me otherwise. I feel liberated, productive, and guilt-free.
With a routine, this is what a day feels like
Based on what I learned from my project so far, I encourage all of you to experiment with the following:
1. Think about the outcomes you want to accomplish in 2021 - the amount of money you want to make, the type of projects you want to finish, and the kind of relationship you want to build. I know it’s February (or whenever you are reading this). It’s not too late! You can still think about these outcomes in the next 11 (or 10, 9, 8…) months. Or it could be just the outcomes for the next month.
2. Based on these outcomes, think about what kind of habits are required to accomplish these outcomes. Make these daily actions your New Year's Resolutions, and use a spreadsheet to track them religiously. If there is one hack that's making my resolutions fun and achievable so far, it's the fact that they are trackable actions.
3. Develop a routine that would hit your resolution goals throughout the day. When Phil Knight gave Nike the iconic marketing phrase – Just Do It, I am sure he meant the determination to achieve athletic heights. But I believe that phrase is even better to describe days governed by routines. Without having to think, without having to choose, you can just do it.
My New Year’s Resolution
2021 is here. I am doing something I haven’t done for a while: a new year's resolution!
Why I shouldn’t do this: new year’s resolution has never worked, for me or anyone. I dug up resolutions I made in colleges and earlier in my career, they read like forgotten aspirations turned into mocking documents: reduce poundage to 165 lbs.; make $50K this year; be able to dunk a basketball; get a girlfriend. Basically, I made wishes at the beginning of the year, and had no plan and motivation to carry it out.
Why I am doing one this year anyway: 1. I need it. 2020 sucked. I am making 2021 an amazing year. 2. I spent the past two years researching and making an app on habit building, and I understand human nature and myself much better now. I am using all the research and insights to build a resolution that not only works, but also is fun.
(By the way, if you are still reading this paragraph, or even past the word “new year's resolution”, ping me on Twitter, I’ll consider you my friend.)
A real new year's resolution that doesn’t read like a declaration of incompetency in February needs to be these:
Actionable – Most people focus on outputs, which are basically a daunting wish list. We have no direct control over the outputs. An achievable new year's resolution should be inputs: a list of daily habits that we can develop by taking actions every day.
Trackable – I’ve attempted many things since I was little. Some definitively failed: digging a hole through earth, graduating college in 2.5 years, and becoming the next Allen Iverson. And some succeeded: getting into dream graduate school, writing a book, and becoming a successful investor. All the successes had this in common: I meticulously tracked my progress on a regular basis, so I know where I stand and can improve. To make this new year resolution's successful, I will keep a spreadsheet on my progress, so I know where I am every day.
Screwupable – The first thing I know about myself: I screw up a lot. But the key in every success I had was to not let a screwup make me quit. To make my resolution achievable, I am going to give myself an overall target for the whole year, measured in hours/times/days. So if I miss a day or two, my focus will be to keep going, not to give up.
Fun – The second thing I know about myself: I need to have fun to keep going. If it’s a goal that’s not enjoyable, I will give up in no time. So my first step of having fun is to share my goals with you guys and put public pressure on myself. My second step: if I can achieve all ten of my goals, I will buy myself a big reward.
Got to have a reward
My reward: a Tesla Model X. OK, I have thought about many rewards, such as traveling to somewhere exotic or new pairs of MeUndies or something. But all these rewards are things I would have gotten anyway with or without the resolution. So I decided to do something that I would have never done otherwise. Personally, I don’t believe in spending a lot of money on a transportation tool. But if I can indeed achieve all these goals, it means I will have had an amazing year, and it would be worth every dollar I spend. Plus, I get a car!
What is my new year's resolution: developing ten success habits in 2021. Again, these are inputs, not outputs. I indeed have hefty output aspirations for my business and myself, but I know if I focus on developing these ten habits, the outputs will take care of themselves.
Habit 1: Creative work
2021 goal: 1,000 hours
In an interview, Jim Collins, the author who wrote legendary business books such as Good to Great, and Built to Last, mentioned that as an author, he needs to spend 3 hours a day on his creative work. He would then track them every day. If by the end of the year, he can achieve 1,000 hours, he would have fulfilled his goal as a creator.
They say “Talent borrows, genius steals.” I’m going to steal this one from Jim Collins (who is also a genius and probably stole it from someone else).
Habit 2: Get up at 5AM
2021 goal: 200 days
I have always been a night owl, but that’s about to change. The book 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma details how many successful people get up at 5AM to do the most critical work for the day. For me, this is related to goal #1. I have also found that the three hours from 5-8AM are amazing for creative works. No noise, no kids, no distraction. This habit perfectly overlaps with habit #1.
To make this successful, here is my plan: I will go to bed at 11PM for every night (nothing productive happens to me at night anyway). I will then get up at 5, go to a room without any connectable devices, and use my new age type-writer (a laptop which I stripped of its wifi card) to write for three hours. At 8AM, I will end the creative session and sleep for another two hours. I will later get up at 10AM for a second morning, and start out my new day. All in all, I will have full 8 hours of sleep.
There is an added psychological factor in my favor: getting up at 5AM is like punching-yourself-in-the-face hard. Once I’m up, my cognitive dissonance will kick in, and literally punch me in the face if I don’t use the time productively.
Habit 3: Set daily goals
2021 goal: 200 days
Based on my research, I found that having a list of goals for a day makes a dramatic impact on my productivity. Even if I don’t achieve all of them, having them by my side will remind me to work harder toward these goals. Yet, I have never developed the habit of setting these goals.
That’s about to change. For 200 out 365 days, I will set the goals for the next day. It will be the last thing I do before going to bed. Putting things on paper will also put my mind at ease about all the impending activities, and thus ensuring me to get up at 5AM.
Habit 4: Charge my phone outside
2021 goal: 300 nights
You know what’s the worst for you? Eating snacks at 11PM. You know what’s even worse than the worst? Scrolling your phone at 1AM. Not only it’s a colossal waste of time, the blue light and dopamine hits will also keep me awake. But you know what’s a great alternative to phone scrolling? Listening to audiobooks and podcasts. There is a reason listening to bedtime stories helps us sleep, while watching TV does the opposite. But to listen to audiobooks and podcasts, I will need my phone, which when I get my hand on, I will automatically start scrolling. What should I do?
Here is my plan, with the help of Airpods and Apple Watch: I will charge my iPhone in my bathroom, out of my reach in bed but within the range of Bluetooth. I will play the audiobook, and jump in bed with my Airpods, so I can listen while getting into sleep. What if I need to change the volume, pause or fast-forward? That’s where my Apple Watch comes in. It has a feature as a remote control for playing content on the phone, all while keeping my hands off the phone itself.
Technology can be bad and addictive. But if you use the good tech to combat bad tech, you can win. Think about Terminators: using T-800 to battle T-1000.
Habit 5: Listening to audiobooks
2021 goal: 300 hours
“Your mind is like a garden. If you don’t actively plant flowers and fruit trees, it will be taken over by wheat and dandelions.”
I don’t know who said this, could be either Aristotle or a random self-help guru. Either way I agree with it. The reason I had a mediocre 2020 was that I let all the unpleasant outside noise occupy my mind, especially the all-consuming news. In the end, the news network and social media made me feel sad/mad/helpless and profited off my emotions. To actively combat this, I need to let useful and inspiring thoughts into my mind to block out all the unpleasant garbage.
To do so, I will listen to thoughtfully curated audiobooks and podcasts, content created by people I admire and want to learn from. The good news is my app, Audible already has a usage tracking tool, which will help me to gauge my progress every day.
Moreover, this habit will overlap with habit 4. Double-dipping on habit-forming is where my joy is.
Habit 6: Having conversations with admired people
2021 goal: 200 conversations
This is a perfect sister habit of #5. The only difference is that I will get ideas and inspirations from a live person, instead of produced content.
The old saying is that you are the average of five people you hang out with the most. If that’s indeed the case, you can guide yourself toward positive directions by simply hanging out more with people who inspire you. Over the years, I can’t remember how many conversations I had with people would not only inspired me to take positive actions, but had profound impact on my career as well. They include Chris Guillebeau who inspired me to write a book, Tony Hsieh (rest in peace, my friend) who inspired me to start a tech company, and Michelle Jones who invited me to speak at TEDxMtHood, which was picked by TED and reproduced to be a real TED talk. Had I not made these outreaches to them, my life would have been very different now. Moreover, I have also helped a few folks achieving their own dreams through conversations, and their successes give me immense satisfaction.
For this year, I have compiled an ever-growing list of people I will continue to reach out to, whether they are past friends or future acquaintances.
Habit 7: Exercise
2021 goal: 100 hours
As an avid basketball player, the Covid-19 pandemic has been devastating for my exercise routine. Gone are the days when I could exercise and have fun at the same time at the local park. To replace it, I tried daily power walks and weekend hiking trips. I even picked up crabbing, which is in fact quite a workout.
However, I still haven’t found a way to raise my heart rate on a consistent basis. Again, as someone who have a hard time keeping up with something unless I’m having a good time, running just isn’t my thing. In the new year, I made two purchases: a basketball goal and a Peloton. I will also consistently track my exercise hours.
Habit 8: Spending time with kids
2021 goal: 500 hours
In 2020, I’ve learned that to be successful, I need to delegate. Tim Ferriss’ Four Hour Work Week rings especially true in 2020. That said, there is one role I can’t never delegate: being a father. I feel yesterday, I first held this bloody mess of a crying infant, today he’s a 5 feet tall dude telling me about Mark Rober and his investment portfolio.
I also know that soon enough, he will become an aloof teenager who rolls his eyes at everything I say. To cherish the time before he turns sour like bad milk, I want to spend more precious time with him. So this year, my goal is to spend 500 hours of quality time with my sons.
The good news is that I already spend 1 hour watching sports every day, and 3 hours hiking ever weekend with them. This habit overlaps with habit #6 too.
Habit 9: Spending time with parents
2021 goal: 100 hours
If someone asks me who my best friend is, I would say it’s my wife, then my father. We talk about politics, news, parenting, and being a good person. Both my parents have been such rocks in my life, and I owe a lot to them, much more than just genetically. My father just turned 70, and my mother is approaching it as well. I know I can’t take their presence and health for granted.
When they are staying with me, I want to take every opportunity to hang out with them, whether it’s doing late night walks or watching movies together.
Habit 10: Spending the day in emotional control
2021 goal: 300 days
I am not an angry person, but once in a while I would lose my temper. No matter the reason, it’s more than just me who suffer when it happens. More importantly, I’ve learned that most of these instances are completely avoidable if I simply shift my mindset before and during outbursts.
So this is my goal, for 300 out of 365 days, I want to go through the day without losing my temper once. I’ve done this before, with projects like 30 days of no anger. It’s amazing what paying attention and actively trying to control one’s emotions can do.
There you have it! This is my 2021 New Year's Resolution and my daily tracking spreadsheet. Will I get my Tesla? I don’t know, but I’m dying to find out.
PS. If you have made it this far, follow and ping me on Twitter. I will follow you back. You are a real friend!
Should You Be at Work Earlier Than Everyone Else?
Recently, I read an article on Inc.com on why you shouldn't be at work early, because it would upset other people and make you look weak. I had some thoughts I want to share on this subject in this video.
New Year's Resolutions, The Rejection Proof Way
New Year’s resolutions. It’s that time of the year again – one of the few times in the year we feel determined to make a real change in our lives. We plan, we commit and we swear that we will lose weight, learn a new language, and get out of debt. We are going to get that promotion, and we will elevate our business by 20%. Maybe we will start our own business, and even find love. We feel great and ready to roll. But here is the problem – New Year’s resolutions don’t work. On January 1st, we put on running shoes, hit the gym and buy that $200 Rosetta Stone program. By February, most of us are already slipping or have given up. A few months later, these resolutions become nothing but painful and rejectable reminders of how lazy and disappointing we are.
There are a lot of psychological reasons why New Year’s resolutions aren’t the best way to motivate us for real life change. But instead of going into psychology, I want to propose a solution based on the Rejection Proof way.
1. Instead of setting goals, set actions – one of the biggest takeaways from 100 Days of Rejection is the need to focus actions instead of results. Results such as getting a YES or achieving certain goals are tricky and sometimes downright frustrating, because they don’t depend on factors that we can fully control. For example, no matter how charming and convincing we are, some people will reject us for their own reasons. Similarly, no matter how hard we try, we might not be able to get the promotion or lose the weight, because competition and genetics will also play a role in those outcomes.
Actions, on the other hand, are entirely controllable. And if we focus on doing actions, it will most likely lead to the results we desire. For example, if I let myself just focus on making the request, I would give myself a chance to get a YES. If I make five of these requests, my odds of getting a YES increase five fold, and maybe I can even get more than one YES. Similarly, if my resolution is set to take an average of 10,000 steps a day, or to memorize five Spanish phrases a day, the odds will be in my favor that I will lose the weight and became much better at Spanish.
2. Set resolutions for shorter periods – when I quit my job to start a new business two years ago, one of the smartest things I did was to give myself a six months runway, instead of proclaiming myself as an entrepreneur with no term limit. When I started my rejection journey, I did it for 100 days instead of forever. Because forever, or even one year, is a very long time and could be psychologically taxing on people. It’s hard to run for 5 miles three times a week for a whole year. It feels like there is no end in sight.
Shorter periods, on the other hand, are much more doable and rewarding. For example, running 5 miles three times a week for three months is much more doable. And once you are done, you can celebrate and move on. But more than likely you will have developed the habit and keep going, because on average, it takes about 66 days to develop a new habit.
3. Focus on fewer actions, preferably just one – two of my favorite books, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, and The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results both advocate the powerful idea that less is more. In fact, being able to focus on very few actions for a set amount of time can deliver amazing results.
So, instead of going all out with listing multiple end-goals in health, business, relationship and intellectual self-improvement, we should focus on one or two controllable actions within finite periods.
As for my own goals in 2015, I want to successfully launch my beta product – Rejection Gym, publish my book and make it as impactful as possible, and get into the best shape of my life. However, I know it would be meaningless to set these goals as my New Year’s resolutions, because of the three issues I’ve mentioned above.
So I’ve devised my 2015 New Year’s resolutions the Rejection Proof way, and I want to share them with you:
January – March Business: Launch The Rejection Gym Personal: Go through an entire round of P90X
April – June Business: Travel across the US and make 50 stops on the Rejection Tour in conjunction with the publication of my book
July – September Personal: Go through an entire round of P90X3 Business: Launch Rejection Gym for Business
Why You Should Write a Book
Before I set my mind down to write my story into a book, I wasn’t 100% sure about this decision, mainly because of the time commitment and opportunity costs. In fact, just after finishing 100 Days of Rejection, I could have turned this into many things: I could start a reality TV show, film a documentary, make a podcast, which I would love to do down the road. However, I chose to write a book, for many reasons. But here is the biggest thing: I know I would love doing it the most, I will be pretty good at it, and it will have an impact. What happened after my decision was nothing short of amazing. I abandoned almost all my social life, both online and offline. I wrote, wrote and wrote. There were lots of coffee-binging, face-palming and hair-pulling. In the end, it was the most productive and creative eight months of my time writing this book.
I believe if YOU also have something to say, some thoughts to express, some wisdom to share, you should also write a book. For these reasons:
1. It forces you to think. In our hyper-connected social media ADHD world, who thinks anymore? It’s all about go go go, click click click, scroll scroll scroll. However, writing a book forces you to sit down and dig deep into your mind and soul, and shovel the most creative stuff out of yourself. It’s an amazing process that gets the best out of you.
2. It documents your life and story. We all have our stories and thoughts. If we don’t write them down, they are gone forever. By writing a book, you document what transpired in your life and in your brain, and forever leave a legacy for yourself in the world and in your family.
3. It inspires others. Yes, it really does. I am continually amazed by how many people tell me they can relate to my story, even though we don’t know each other at all. Just you know, every time you face a crisis, or discover something cool, or found a solution to a problem, someone else can also relate. Your book will inspire and help them, even if you don’t know them.
4. It moves you forward. Writing a book will propel you to the next stage in life. You will see things and experience events with much more clarity and purpose. It will also become your brand, like a business card. You can give to others as a gift, which brings credibility you shouldn’t have otherwise.
None of the reasons includes making a lot of money, because you probably won't. And if you write with money as your number one goal, you will likely be disappointed.
What do you think? Ready to get down and write? If you do, feel free to reach out to me with your book idea.
How I Found Happiness and How You Can Too
Yes, I’ve found it, and it wasn’t easy. But I did find it! The Pursuit of Happiness has been so important that it was on the United States Declaration of Independence, on the title of one of my favorite movies, and on the cover of one of my favorite books. But I’d never truly thought about until I found it.
Happiness is a lot like wisdom. Before finding happiness, I’d never known I DIDN’T have it, even though all my activities were geared toward finding it. From receiving education, to making money, from playing sports, to enjoying media amusement, from forming friendships, to having romance, I did all these in order to find true happiness. But none of them directly led me to it.
But now I found it, I found myself talking and connecting with a lot more people; I get up early motivated to work; I embrace life, through both the highs and the lows; I make choices with intention instead of feeling; I get through a day knowing I am one step toward my purpose, rather than one day past my prime. I am truly having the best time of my life.
How did I find it? - by finding MEANING in my life. Through starting my rejection blog and meeting with many people through social media and talks, I learned that I am meant to help others so they can overcome their fear like I have.
In his classic book – Man's Search For Meaning, Dr. Viktor Frankl discussed that life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones. Our main motivation for living is our will to find meaning in life. In my case, I found meaning in one of the biggest fears I had – rejection fear.
Here is how I found my meaning and how you can too:
1. Confronting your fear and sharing with others – what you are afraid the most control you the most. By opening yourself up and sharing your confrontation with fear, you will find that you are not alone. You will draw strength from others, and they will from you. You will find that the thing you are afraid the most actually provides meaning to you.
2. Pursuing your strength and dumping your weakness – no one is good at everything. The people who spend their lives trying to improve their weaknesses become mediocre in everything. Only those who focus on maximizing their strength will have a chance to be extraordinary at those things. What you are extraordinary at often provide the maximum impact and meaning.
3. Be part of something bigger than yourself – when you focus on yourself everyday, you judge everything in a narrow frame of mind in term of gains and losses. By contributing to something bigger, whether it’s religious faith, or a humanity cause, or an organization, you can find meaning in many more things, even sufferings.
Now, what is your fear? What's your strength? And what do you want to be part of? Find them and you will find meaning, and ultimately happiness.
My 2014 Rejection Resolution
We love to find the defining moments or turning points in a growing process, whether it’s about a person’s life, a business or a movement. As I am writing my book, I was required to reminisce over past events to find these moments. No matter how I cut it, 2013 was an important year filled with them. I don’t know which one was defining, but I think they all led to where I am today and where I am going tomorrow. • Completed my 100 Days of Rejection, which transformed me from just a regular guy into a person who is no longer afraid in interpersonal relationships, and led me to find the truth about rejection.
• Spoke at Tony’s Hsieh’s Downtown Project in Las Vegas. I even met my entrepreneurial hero and draw inspiration from him in person.
• Gave my first ever TED talk at TEDxAustin. The talk was viewed over 100K times online. It helped me to connect with many people and to spread the message on overcoming the fear of rejection.
• Was featured in Bloomberg Businessweek, one of my favorite magazines. I always dreamt about appearing there as the next great entrepreneur, and never imagined that I would get on as the Rejection Guy.
• Spoke at the World Domination Summit, which led me to connect with a lot more people in person, including Chris Guillebeau, Andrew Warner, Nancy Duarte and Tess Vigeland.
• Inked a book deal with Crown Publishing, who will publish my book on Rejection in 2015. This book will include stories, research and lessons, as well as my heart and soul.
• Spoke at Google, and understood the needs to overcome fear in the high-tech and corporate world.
For 2014, I believe this is the year I will take this rejection idea from a good concept to the onset of a great business that would benefit many more people. To make sure I get there, here is my new-year resolution I want to share with you:
1. To complete my book on rejection
2. To continue to get rejected in new ways
3. To help at least 5 people to step toward in achieving their dreams
4. To write articles for one of the major publications
5. To shake hands with Bill Gates (or get rejected trying)
6. To host my first ever class on overcoming rejection, to share what has transformed me with the world (if you live in Austin and want to be considered to participate, email me)
7. To hire at least one person to help me build this business (I am looking for product management, instructional design, software engineering and writing/editing talents. If you know anyone, email me)
If I don’t finish these goals, please hold me accountable.
Now what’s your new-year resolution? If you share with me, I will check up on you throughout 2014.
July 4th 2012 -The Day I Gained True Independence
It’s Independence Day. Last night, as my wife and I were watching the sky colored with beautiful fireworks, my mind went all the way back to exactly one year ago. It was the day that everything changed in my life.
7/4/2012, my then pregnant wife and I were also watching fireworks. We sat on the grass of a big community park, surrounded by other families cheering for the extravaganza. I was as depressed as a man could be. At the time, I was a six-figure-income earner at a Fortune 500 company. As the baby was getting close to make his debut in the world, my entrepreneurial dream was about to say goodbye. As the father of a newborn child, I was supposed to provide financial security. It was time to lock up my dream of becoming a world-class entrepreneur for good. I didn’t make the jump when I had the chance. It was too late then. Game over!
As the firework glared in the sky, I was visualizing the rest of my life unfolding. I would someday get another promotion, manage more people, double my salary, buy a new car, and grow my 401K. We would have another baby or two. Every year we would engage in the cycle of school-summer vacation-school-holidays. Eighteen cycles later, my kids would go to college, and we would be old. I would help my employers sell a lot of products, develop a lot of processes, and train a lot of employees. I would have made no real impact in the world, and I would die full of regret someday.
“Crap”, I murmured as the mental slideshow of my future ended on a funeral scene. “What’s wrong?” My wife was concerned. “I missed the boat, and my life is going to suck”, I replied. As I explained what just went through my mind, I was expecting a wife educating her husband on how to be dependable, grateful and content. Instead, she said, “If you aren’t happy, I am not happy. You know, I married a man with the dream and ambition to change the world. You need to give me that man. “
We then sat down and devised an entrepreneurial plan that involved quitting my job, building a startup for six months, and deciding on what happens next based on traction. The next day, I called my manager and gave my resignation. Two weeks later, I surrendered my badge and walked out of the office one last time. And four days after, I held my son as he came to the world. I shocked everyone - colleagues, family, friends, and even myself.
Exactly one year later, as I was holding my wife’s hands watching another firework show, I knew I was lucky to have married this amazing woman. I was also fortunate to have divorced my dependence on the false sense security that came with a regular job. Yes, a paycheck every two weeks is good. But if the prices were abandoned dreams, an unfulfilled life, and irreversible regret, then no matter how large the number is on that check, it would not be worth it.
July 4th is to celebrate a nation’s independence from a foreign government. For all the entrepreneurs, artists, and professionals who want to make a difference in the world, it should also serve as a reminder that we need to be independent of the false sense of security, and celebrate our freedom to pursue our passion and dreams. We only live one life, and why not live to the fullest?