Rejection 62: Sell Cookies For the Girl Scouts

Like many people, I am very uncomfortable when someone is trying to sell me something. However, when it comes the Girl Scouts, my guard automatically dissipates, because the sales people are none other than young girls. Even if they do charge me $4 for a box of cookies, I am sure it is for a good cause. Now, can I be a girl scout? Would they allow a 31-years-old guy, rather than young girls to sell cookies? If they do, would people buy from me? To find out, I volunteered to be that salesman for the Girl Scouts.

I always try to learn something new from every rejection, whether it's food sanitation rules or the honesty of computers. Today, I again learned something new - I don't have to be a young girl, or a female at all, to be a girl scout!

Had I not forced myself to ask that question for my rejection attempt, I probably would have never known that fact. I should have learned not to be surprised by now, since I already learned things such as sitting in the driver seat of a police car doesn't necessarily lead me to handcuffs, and Starbucks allows me to set up private printer stand. Does that mean I can also meet the governor or sit in random high school classes? Well, I can never find out if I put the limitation in my mind and don't ask.

Learning: Bruce Lee once said "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them..." I can't believe I am learning these things through rejection therapy.

Rejection 61: Plant a Flower In Someone's Yard

Whether you are a door-to-door sales person, a Mormon missionary, or a campaign fund-raiser, knocking on strangers' doors is a required skill. It could also be very scary for the non-professionals, because you don't know what will show up when the door opens, whether it's a smiley face, or something unpleasant if not downright scary. Then I wondered, instead of knocking to ask for something, what if I simply offer something that's almost universally welcomed, such as planting a flower in their yard? It also defies their expectation of a solicitor. Will people welcome me with open-arms, or reject me with stiff-arms?

This is the first time that I do garden work for strangers for free, and be this happy... In fact, this is the first time I am happy about doing garden work, period. It simply is not my cup of tea. However, I learned that Connie loves roses, and what I did really made a contribution to their yard.

Also, this is my third time knocking on doors. Previously, I tried to play soccer in someone's backyard, and to join a random Superbowl party. I didn't get shot or even rudely rejected in any of these attempts. Again, we often think of the sensational worst outcomes, but reality is often much more benevolent. In her famous TED talk on fear, Karen Thompson Walker explained how fear can force us into wrong decisions... very wrong decisions.

Learning: 1. With the right attitude and intention, knocking on doors isn't as scary as we think. That's why it's happening everyday and everywhere. 2. Fear often makes us reject ourselves before someone else can reject us. Just like how suicide rate dwarfs homicide rate, self-rejection happens much more often then rejection from others.

Rejection 60: [Special] - My First College Lecture

When I stumbled upon this article on regrets, I couldn't help but imagine what my life would have been if I hadn't made the decision to pursue my dream to become an entrepreneur last year. I would still be collecting paychecks and live a life others expected of me... and I would still be filled with regrets. Now, after I embarked upon my entrepreneurial journey and fought rejection with rejection, I saw many miraculous things happening in my life which I will for sure smile upon when I get old. I got a box of Olympic symbol shaped donuts, found a job in one day, got Jeff Probst to sing a song to my son, and so many more. Now, I fulfilled another life-long dream - to give a lecture to college students (background episode).

Before class started, for rejection of the day, I asked the students a very personal question - what do you fear the most, and what are you going to do about it? I thought no one was going to answer that question to a stranger without any context.

When you are fulfilling a life-long dream, you take it seriously. After researching and pondering upon the topic, I decided to use the biblical story of Apostle Paul spreading Christianity as an example of communication and rejection in social change. Based on the feedback from both students and Professor Rollins, I have connected with them very well.

Oh, and the rejection, I didn't get one! I was very surprised that more than one students chimed in on their greatest fear. I don't know the exact reason, but my hypothesis is that young people like college students are much more open to expressing their feelings than older people. After all, they haven't had to put on the façade of invincibility workplace and society have forced upon them yet.

What do you think?

Learning: In her famous TED talk, Dr. Brene Brown described the power and necessity of vulnerability. Maybe in this sense, we can all learn something from college students.

Rejection 59: Set Up a Printer Stand at Starbucks

When I travel I often use a Starbucks as my "office." However, when I need to print something I am often at a loss and forced to go to places I don't want to go (cough "Kinko's" cough). I often wonder why Starbucks doesn't offer printing services to customers. Sure, it would cost extra investment to provide paper and printer, but wouldn't it attract more customers to the stores and therefore sell more coffee? There is clearly a need for this; right? Sometimes the best approach is simply to try it out myself. Today I went into a Starbucks store and offered to set up a printer stand with my own printer for free. This was a classic store-within-a-store setting, except everything was free. I wanted to see two things: 1. Would Starbucks reject my offer? 2. Would customers reject my service?

To my surprise Starbucks took up on my offer and let me set up my services, but the  "free printing" service wasn't that appealing to the customers. Of course this all happened in a short span of time. I acknowledge that a real, valid business experiment would require much longer time and would need to be conducted in many more stores.

Entrepreneurial success is much more than coming up with a clever idea and trying to make it work. In his wonderful book on entrepreneurship The Lean Startup, Eric Ries emphasized the importance of finding customer needs through experimentation and learning.

Learning: For those of you who are entrepreneurs, don't be afraid to test your ideas out in public and be rejected by customers. Success doesn't happen in our minds, on computer screens or even in a garage; it happens in customers' hands. You will learn if your idea is good in no time once it gets in the customers' hands.

Rejection 58: Name My Own Price at Dollar Tree

With my rejection therapy, I have been trying to stay away from requesting money or free stuff, because it would get old really quickly. I found it much more interesting if I offer people unusual experiences, such as compliments, a dinner with my family, or pumping their gas. Today, I tried one more thing - paying more money above the price tag for a product at Dollar Tree.

This exchange started out a little rough, but quickly stabilized because I didn't take anything personally. I was also presented with a third party - the computer. Since I didn't know how to negotiate with a computer, I couldn't make any progress in my request.

Looking back, I could have tried some creative ways to take computers out of the negotiation, like how I got Jennifer to say 'yes' to me regardless what her boss/HR rep might say, when I was trying to find a job in one day. In today's case, I could have asked her to buy the window wash for a dollar, then I will pay her two dollars for it. But then, there was also a possibility that I might get her in trouble, and that's the last thing I wanted to do.

Learning: 1. No matter how rough the conversation goes, taking your negative emotion out of an exchange is the best way for making any requests. 2. When the other person uses a third and non-negotiable party such as an object, a system, or an organization as the reason for saying 'no', you can try to isolate the person from the third party. But make sure you don't jeopardize that person's relationship with the third party as the result.

Rejection 57: Buy Quarter of a Shrimp

When I made requests such as getting olympic symbol donuts or racing a random person, fulfilling them requires a lot of work, but the results were spectacular. I wonder what would happen if I request something that requires work, but the result was very insignificant? To test it out, I went to Whole Foods and asked to buy a quarter piece of a shrimp.

To my surprise, the two employees treated my request as if it was just another normal request, and they even gave me three quarter pieces. Interestingly, they put the word "wow" on the package. I wonder if it meant "wow moment" for a customer.

Learning: Good customer focuses on action, attitude and effort, not results. A customer could get a 'yes' but still feels unhappy, or a 'no' but feels very happy. It's all about the interaction and relationship.

From Rejection to Magic

Yesterday, I gave a talk at TEDxAustin, sharing my story and learning about my 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. I had experiences in giving talks at meetups, companies, small conferences and churches. Also, coming from a family of teachers (my father, grandparents, uncle are all teachers), I have had the influence of public speakers since I was little. However, I had never given a talk at a stage on the level of TEDxAustin, which is probably the most highly regarded idea conference after SXSW. In attendance were the most accomplished and brightest minds in the city. During the day, the 13 speakers went before me were talking about saving the world through technology, education and art. Some of them invented things such as XBox Kinect and the Ethernet. They had titles with the words 'PhD' or 'Professor' in them. And me? I am a guy who looked for rejections after failing to land investment for my startup.

As my time slot was inching closer, my mouth started to dry up, my nose started to hurt (no idea why), and I couldn't come up with one coherent sentence when talking to my wife. Saying 'I was nervous' was the biggest understatement of 2013. I thought about fleeing the scene, mentioning my accent as an excuse, or starting my talk with a joke about the stage carpet and playing mini golf. Thank goodness, none of those happened. One thought came to my mind - hey, I am the "Rejection Guy". If I had the guts to knock on stranger's door, to give a flight safety announcement, or to dance with a waitress in the public, I can now use my teacher genes to do what I am really good at - communicating ideas. If anything, I should be the most fearless speaker of the day.

As 5:00pm hits, my time has come, and the host introduced me. I stepped on the beautifully crafted stage, and walked into the limelight and cameras. As I glanced down into the crowd, I saw a thousand faces I had never seen before. What immediately came to my mind were you guys - my dear readers and followers.

You read my blog, watch my videos and write me emails because you also share my fear of rejection. You are inspired by my journey and the people like Jackie from Krispy Kreme, Scott from Costco, and Jeff and Dana from Southwest. The people in the audience were also like you and me, governed by both pride and fear, hope and doubt. It was my duty to share this story and let them know that rejection is nothing to be feared about. It ain't about me anymore.

Then, I had an out-of-body experience. It was as if I left my body in the form of a spirit, watching this guy talking about his story. In the next 10 minutes, he was smiling, joking, pausing, nodding, and hand-gesturing. He was not fazed by the timer countdown, verbal mistakes, or anything. He knew what he was talking about, and knew exactly what to say. Ten minutes and many laughters and applauds later, it was over, and I went back into this guy's body. What I saw in front of me was a long standing ovation. I smiled, blushed, and became this incoherent and nervous guy again.

Back in November, when the investor turned me down, I could have never imagined that I would be giving a TED talk three months later. My 100 Days of Rejection Therapy has taught me hundreds of things. But if I had to pick just one thing, it was that when bad things happen, if you treat them like good things and fight forward, magic will happen later.

Rejection 56: Attend a Random Superbowl Party

I have heard about wedding crashers and party crashers. But what is it like to crash a superbowl party? Would the galvanizing sporting event make people do weird things, such as allowing strangers into their house to watch the game with them? Well, there is only one way to find out:

This was one of the more intimidating requests for me, for three reasons:

1. I would be knocking on a stranger's door for a request that would result in a sure-fire rejection.

2. I would be more than likely facing more than one person. As I have learned, negotiating with a group of people is really difficult, because a group is much more likely to default to society norms and be very bold in making rejections. Also, group-thinking often suppresses individual creativity and empathy.

3. I actually preferred my own party, the one with my friends and actually invited me. When I know I don't want something deep down, it's much more difficult to convince the other party to deliver for me.

Learning: A crazy request usually has a much better chance of succeeding with a single person than a group, and for something I really want instead of something I am lukewarm about.

Thoughts After Meeting Tony Hsieh - It Ain't About Me Anymore

I often wonder what billionaires are like in-person. Do they burn cash to fry lobster burgers? Do they wear cloths made off crocodile fur? Do they drive cars that can dance to YMCA? I also can't help but imagine what I would do if I had a billion dollars, and thought about building my own company to delight my employees and customers, writing books and speaking to inspire other entrepreneurs, investing in technologies that would make the world a better place, and improving my community to attract talented people from all over the world. Most importantly, I just want to be me, a down-to-earth guy who fights for a better tomorrow, with my dreams and struggles, strength and flaws, laughters and tears.

Then I met Tony Hsieh, a guy who is doing pretty much all that.

On one hand, it is thrilling to meet the future version of whom I want to become. On the other hand, I remembered the phrase from Ecclesiastes - "Is there anything of which one can say, 'Look! This is something new'?" Should I be happy that someone has already done it, or be depressed that someone has already done it?

After days of thinking, reflecting on rejection therapy, I think I found the answer - it shouldn't be about me anymore. Nor is it about Tony Hsieh, or Bill Gates, or Martin Luther King Jr. It is about making the world a better place. Whether you are a billionaire, a young entrepreneur, a waitress, a donut maker, a police officer, we all have the ability, gift and responsibility to deliver happiness, one person at a time.

When you, or someone else question if you can really make a positive difference in the world, the answer is 'yes'. Here is the proof.

Rejection 55: Get A Private Jet Ride from Tony Hsieh

Reading about someone in books/magazines is one thing, and meeting that person face-to-face is another. In my encounter with Tony Hsieh, the inspiring visionary who is rebuilding Las Vegas through the Downtown Project, I started thinking about my own world view and 100 days of rejections. Not wanting to let a rejection opportunity slip by, I asked Tony if I could have a free ride on Zappo's corporate jet. Here is how it went down:

It wasn't Zappos' jet after all. In fact, JetSuite is a company Tony invested in, and Zappos employees get to use the jet for free. I am very excited he said 'yes', and I will take him up on the offer someday.

Another thing that amazed me was how down-to-earth Tony Hsieh was in person. Part of me already expected it through reading his his book - Delivering Happiness, but another part expected this Donald Trump/NBA superstar MTV crib celebrity type. He was definitely not that. He acted like a friend at a party, and all his focus was on making Zappos and downtown Las Vegas a better place.

Learning: I don't believe money and power change a person, for good or for bad. However, it does magnify who the person already is. When you have the financial means to do whatever you want, you can either throw it all away, or invest in your company and community.

Rest in peace, Tony……

Rejection 54: Dance With My Waitress

After going through more than 50 episodes of rejection therapy, I have been through a lot. I stood in front of a crowd giving a speech, made an announcement in an airplane over 100 passengers, and knocked on strangers' doors. I started to feel so fearless that I could ask for anything from anyone. However, when my wife suggested that I ask my waitress for a dance in the middle of a restaurant, I started sweating like I was in a Turkish bath. After mustering my courage, I made the request. Here is what happened:

Former NFL star Jason Taylor said "doing (Dancing With The Stars) is actually more nerve-wracking than a game day in the NFL". I'm not a star but I can somewhat relate to it now. I kept thinking why this one was so tough for me? Is it because asking to dance with a woman is an inherently difficult act for a man? Or is it because dancing in the middle of a crowded restaurant is potentially embarrassing? Or is it because I am really bad at dancing in general? In any case, I tried the same thing again in a parking lot, and felt so much more at ease. My 'practice' paid off.

Learning: No matter how difficult, scary or absurd the situation is, practice helps. If you are hindered by fear of rejection, or anything else, just do it, and do it again. You will get better.

Rejection 53: Ask Zappos Employees to Gangnam Style

I came to know Tony Hsieh through his book Delivering Happiness. It is a must-read for all entrepreneurs who want to build an impactful company. I was honored to be invited by him to present at the CatalystCreativ Series and share my experience at the Las Vegas Downtown Project last week.  I also had the opportunity to tour the Zappos headquarters. During my tour at Zappos, I witnessed the fun and craziness of the company, with its fully decorated office space, cheerful greetings from employees, and welcoming atmosphere. No wonder it's ranked as one of the best places to work. A rejection idea also popped up in my mind. I randomly invited employees to dance Gangnam Style with me. Guess what happened:

A little confession: I kind of expected to receive a 'yes' this time, just because of what I had witnessed during my tour and the company's reputation.  My intention was to teach them to dance, but it turned out I was the worst dancer among them. After a little background research, I learned that Tony had asked the Zappos employees to do a Gangnam Style Parody last Thanksgiving. I was simply late to the party, but we still had fun.

Learning: Want to provide great customer service? "Deliver happiness" to your employees, and they will pass on the happiness to your customers. It is very difficult to get a rejection from companies such as Zappos and Southwest.  They deliver the ultimate customer experience, internally and externally.

Rejection 52: Be Like a Southwest Pilot

There are a few factors in a request: requester (who), requestee (who), request content (what), request delivery (how), and request context (where and when). Any one of these factors could determine the outcome of a request. My blog often focuses on request content and delivery, but sometime it is just as important who the requestee is. In this case, it is Southwest Airline, to whom I already made a crazy request on day 19, when I asked to deliver the flight safety announcement. However, can they take on another one from? Today, after the flight I asked the captain to give me a tour of the cockpit.

After this episode, I feel I would get a 'yes' from Southwest no matter what I ask, as long as it's legal and ethical.

Learning: Sometimes to whom we are making our requests makes a big difference in the outcome.

Rejection 51: Make My Own Sandwich at Subway

Based on a popular demand, I went into a Subway requesting to build my own sandwich. During the experience, I found two things interesting:

1. I had to clarify repeatedly that what I really wanted was to build my own sandwich, with my own hands. I thought "building my own sandwich" would entail that, but it wasn't enough.

2. Apparently, the idea was too crazy that the girl said no without knowing the reason, and had to ask for help. It would have been a more lively conversation had she asked 'why'.

Learning: Some times an idea can be too strange that our automatic response is to say no. Before each 'no', I should ask myself and the other person 'why'.

Rejection 50: [Special] - My Only Day at New Job

On day 34 of my rejection therapy, I went out and looked for a job, and got it at BigCommerce, an Austin-based eCommerce and web hosting company. Today, I reported for duty and had my one day employment there.

My day at BigCommerce can be described as fun, engaging and surprisingly emotional. I knew the company is a good place to work just based on my interaction with the kind and gregarious Jennifer. What I didn't know was the company's family-like culture. People were extremely hospitable to me, chatting with me about my experience and sharing why they are proud to be a BigCommerce employee. As a proponent of strong company culture, illustrated in Tony Hsieh's book - Delivering Happiness, I was very delighted to witness the pride and mission BigCommerce employees showed. Yes they are a high-growth business whose goal is to make money, but they also possess a desire to empower their customers to make them successful.

At the end of the day, the company held a All-hands meeting, where all Austin-based employees shared their news and thoughts with each other. There was one employee talked about his family going through tough times due to his wife's illness. He held back tears while describing how the company is like his family in pulling him through the hardship. I have been to many company all-hands and culture-talks, but I haven't seen anything so human and so genuine like what I witnessed that day.

If you are a business owner and would like to build an online store, I would highly recommend BigCommerce. You will be in good hands.

About rejection therapy - at the end of the day, I gave a speech on my journey, the topic of 'rejection', and good customer service. It was very well received and we all shared insights and laughters together. I also requested to have my picture to appear on BigCommerce.com. The idea was from Cori Carroll from Florida, and it was ingenious. BigCommerce actually followed through on the request and put me on their homepage.

Learning: as a business, if you are generous and genuine to your employees, they will have exceptionally high morale and pride, and bring happiness to your customers. If not, don't be surprised to be rejected by both of them.

Rejection 49: interview a Panhandler

One thing I found about Rejection therapy is that it is not only about dealing with rejections, but also about having the courage to ask for things you normally don't ask, or meet people you usually don't meet. In this case, I went to talk to a panhandler on a highway intersection. I shook his hand to hear his heart-breaking story - a Vietnam war veteran with a young wife and little kid, who has a heart disease that needs operation. He was collecting money so they can go to another city for the operation. I am very glad to have done this, because I mustered the courage to talk to someone I usually avoid, and got to hear his story and tell the world about it.

Learning: we are programmed to behave a certain way in our society, and stepping out of the norm could be a painful experience. However, just like rejection therapy, when you are out of your comfort zone, you get to experience unexpected and sometimes amazing things.

Rejection 48: Bike Race at Toys R Us

Today I stopped by Toys R Us to pick up a new crib for my baby son. While there, I wanted to be a kid myself and ride a child bicycle. Also, I wanted to see if an employee can share my pursuit for fun and race me inside the store.

This was a session when I felt a little disappointed, mainly because I already got a yes from an employee, only to be overturned by the manager. This confirms what economists describe as loss aversion, that the magnitude of negative feeling of losing something is stronger than that of positive feeling of gaining the same thing. It also teaches people that don't say 'yes' unless you know you can deliver. Otherwise you might really disappoint the other party.

Learning: the oldest rule in sales/customer service - under-promise, over-deliver.

Rejection 47: Pump Gas for Others

In this video, I wanted to see if random people would reject my service of pumping gas for them on a very cold day (using Texan standard). In a way, this session is the opposite of Day 45 - Putting Sunglasses on Random People, when I asked others to do random things for me.

The results were also the polar opposite. I got overwhelming 'no's instead of universal 'yes', like when I asked for strange favors. It's interesting to see that people are more burdened by receiving unwanted favors than giving them. I had to convince a woman to get one yes out of five tries.

Learning: Sometimes it's much easier to give than to take. Our human nature prevents us from owing favors from others. Next time if you want to get a rejection, just offer strangers random favors for no reason.

Rejection 46: Borrow $100 Bills From Bank for Paper Plane Fight

Today I met Todd OBrien (@ToddOBrien3), a sales professional in Austin and a former colleague at Dell. After a coffee chat, Todd asked me if he can go on a rejection trip with me. After getting to know him, I felt comfortable with saying 'yes'.

I took Todd to a bank, where he asked the clerk to fold $100 bills and play paper airplane with us. Todd was a cool customer, literally. He used his people skills and sales training to persuade the bank clerk to say 'yes', however reluctant, to our request,

I was able to observe the encounter from a third person perspective. Interestingly, it felt completely different from doing it myself. I had a strange sense of calm and anticipation, very similar to the time when I took the Businessweek reporter to dance with a Santa, exchange training with a trainer, and give a talk to college students. It was like doing an adventure with a friend.

Famous author Malcolm Gladwell talked about this phenomenon in his book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, that two police officers working together can sometimes lead to strange and dangerous behaviors, because they feel emboldened by the presence of their partners. I am not a police officer, just a rejection therapy patient, but I also felt the same way.

Learning: in most interpersonal interactions, whether it's a sales trip, car purchase negotiation, or police patrol, having another person on your side can feel very empowering. The added confidence and comfort can help you in getting what you want.

What Do You Want the Most? What Do You Fear the Most?

My personal journey has given me the opportunity to view and experience rejection in a whole new different level. I no longer see rejection as something negative. Rather, I see it as a way to improve, understand and collaborate. To understand rejection better, I conducted a very simple experiment on Twitter and found something interesting. For the past 10 hours, I searched and collected every tweet with the word 'rejection' in it, and analyzed the content through a simple word counter. I found that other than 'rejection', the most common words in those tweets are 'want', followed closely by 'fear'. My hypothesis is that rejection comes from us wanting something. However, because we want it bad, we fear getting rejected.

Using my personal example, I want to be a successful entrepreneur, so much that I quit my job to pursue this dream. However, because of that strong desire, I feared to be rejected with an investment opportunity that would dramatically increase the likelihood of success.

Luckily, instead of retreating to a safe environment, I shared with the world about my fear (of rejection) and desire (to conquer rejection and achieve success), and then put myself in public to work on my issues through rejection therapy. Professional wise, this has been the best decision I've ever made.

Now, for those of you who would like to share with me, I want to know what you want the most, and what's your biggest fear. Maybe by declaring what we want/fear, we can all work to overcome our fear and get closer to what we want.