Ideas Needed for Rejection Request at BigCommerce
On day 34 of my rejection therapy, I went out and looked for job, and got it at BigCommerce. I followed through with Jennifer and the company after the video, and will make it happen. Today, I will work there for a day. Here is a list of my possible tasks:
* Man the reception area, greet visitors, answer phone
* Prepare meeting space for All Hands meeting
* Put beer in fridge
* Run errands
* Inventory office supplies
* Spend some time with 'success squad' (on the phone with clients)
* Discuss major acquisition targets and potential IPO dates
OK, I added the last item on my own. Whatever the job is, I plan to do my best and leave a good impression for the day. I will also post my learnings and experiences through video or writeup.
Rejection 45: Put Sunglasses on Random People
Through my rejection therapy experience, I learned that the weirdness of my request isn't always positively correlated to rejection rate. In this session when I was trying to play soccer in someone's backyard, the owner said 'yes' because the request was so "off the wall". Today, I wanted to make another weird request - asking someone to put on sunglasses for no reason.
I was very surprised at the time that everyone said 'yes' to my request. Then, after some thoughts afterward, I found that I shouldn't have been surprised at all.
1. The request was very harmless. Unlike when I was trying to partner up with someone to buy lottery, there is no downside in accepting my request.
2. Even though there was no justification for my request, there isn't a legit justification for a rejection either, other than "I don't feel like it". Putting myself in their shoes, I feel it's probably harder to say 'no' then 'yes'.
Learning: 1. It is hard for people to give rejections, and even harder to reject harmless and easy requests. 2. If you want to get a 'yes', making a weird request is much better than making a dangerous request.
Rejection 44: Dance on Security Camera
I have seen many variations of the Gangnam Style dance by now - flash mob, cheerleaders, on stage, in studio... you name it. I have been thinking about how I can work it into rejection therapy. Like all my requests, it has to be fun but very rejectable. And one day, when sitting in a sports bar, spotting a security camera on the ceiling gave me this idea. No, it's not quite like when Isaac Newton got hit by an apple, but I did get a little inspiration out of it.
I made my request after carrying out a discussion about medication with the pharmacist - Tasha. I found the chance of getting a 'yes' for a request goes up significantly after establishing a relationship with the person. In this case, Tasha said 'yes' to my favor even before I could explain what the favor was.
Learning: 1. As long as you are observant, inspiration can come from anywhere. 2. Building a rapport before making a request is one of the oldest communication techniques, and it is highly effective. 3 If every pharmacist is as sweet as Tasha, people would get sick much more often.
Rejection 43: Hug a Walmart Greeter
Hugging a stranger as a random act of kindness isn't new, as you can see in the Free Hugs Campaign. However, I want to hug a Walmart greeter because on my 23rd day, I experienced how thankless their jobs are. I wanted to tell them I appreciate their work.
To my dismay, Walmart removed all greeters from their post. Fortunately, I was able to meet and carry out a very nice conversation with Michelle, who worked at customer service. Michelle not only showed her support to the greeters, but also accepted my hug. I left feeling better, even though I still felt bad for the greeters.
A business is composed of these groups of people: management, employees and customers (we are leaving suppliers and shareholders out of this conversation). With management making decisions for the business, whose voices are valued the most says a lot about the company's priorities. In the case removing greeters, I have received more than a few comments from both Walmart customers and employees disagreeing with this decision. I suspect their voices aren't being heard. Remember, the people whom you neglect will ultimately be the ones who reject you.
In some sense, that's why I am such a fan of Costco. In this fascinating documentary Costco Craze, we see that this retail giant always values customers and employees over anyone else, even at the cost of making profit. Now that's a philosophy I can get behind.
Learning: neglect is a form of rejection. When you neglect someone, don't be surprised to be rejected by them in the end.
Rejection 42: Write an Article for Businessweek
I was very honored to have my 100 days of rejection therapy story written by Claire Saddath of Bloomberg Businessweek. Claire spent two days with me covering the story, during which I asked another outrageous yet audacious request - to write an article for Businessweek.
Although I got rejected, I do want to write better and hopefully a book about rejection someday.
Learning: inaction is a lot more fearsome than action. Just like the origin of my rejection therapy, when you want something and get rejected, that when real aspiration and improvement develop.
Rejection 41: Sit in Police Car's Driver's Seat
Rejection is feared, and so are people with authority. Rejection from people with authority is terrifying.
In our society, police officers often represent authority, especial when they are handing out speeding tickets. Moreover, with guns, handcuffs and pepper sprays on their belts, they don't have the most welcoming present. Compounded by the fact that police officers are often portrayed in a dramatic and negative lights in the media and on the web, very few people walk up to them to strike up a conversation.
To test and conquer fear, I wanted to get rejected by anyone, including people with authority. Therefore, I walked up to an officer asking to do something I have always wanted - sitting in the drive seat of a police car.
After some nervous laughter and sweating, I was surprised by how easy he let me do it. There was no negotiation, just a straight 'yes'. After all, police officers are just people like you and me. Being treated with respect, they often give respect back. However, their jobs have also trained them to sense unusual body languages and behaviors. Had I been overly nervous or presumptuous, it might have turned out differently.
Learning: people with authority are people first. They are governed by the same physical and emotional rules like the rest of us. Don't act weird in front them, or you might get an easy rejection, or worse.
Day 40: Partner Up to Buy Lottery
As a graduate school student of Dan Ariely, who is the author of Predictably Irrational and The Upside of Irrationality, and a wizard in using experiments to understand human nature, I went to do this rejection session with one goal in mind - to test out the economics of giving money to strangers vs investing money in them. I started out by asking a stranger to give me money - $0.6. After she agreed, I would then propose that the money is part of buying a $2 lottery ticket, and I would be sharing half of the winning ($30M out of $60M) with her if I win. So in a way, instead of giving me the $0.6 for free, she would be investing it in my lottery venture, and be receiving a disproportionally good return (investing 30% of the money and get 50% of return). Would the extra knowledge change her answer? Would it make her more eager? Or would she not care?
First of all, I want to thank Shawna for giving me the $0.6. She is one kind and cool lady. Secondly, knowing the principle of A/B testing and statistical sample size, and I know this experiment is far from being scientific. However, it's a rejection therapy with a test in mind, and the results made me think:
On the surface, Shawna's rejection of my offer made no economic sense. Why would she give up the possibility of winning $30M? Had I won, wouldn't she be having the biggest regret of her life?
However, upon further examination, I concluded that Shawna made the correct decision after all, even using economics principles. Let's say the odds of me winning that power ball is 1 in 175 million. Since the prize is $60 million that day, the expected return for the $2 of 'investment' would be $0.34 (60/175), or $0.17 per dollar. Now with that type of return, Bernie Madoff's scheme looks like deal, but that's another story.
By giving up the chance for half of the $60M, Shawna basically threw away $0.17. However, to get this $0.17, she would have to pay these prices:
1. Shawna would have to write down her information and give it to a stranger - me. I am a guy who asked for $0.6 to buy lottery ticket, so I don't blame her if she doesn't trust me with her personal information.
2. The act of writing down her information will take about 1 minute. If Shanwn makes anything above $10.2 ($0.17x60) per hour, she would be underpaid for that act.
3. Shawna would also need to follow the drawing of power ball. If that effort takes at least 1 minute, the above math still works.
4. By changing from giving me money to investing money, Shawna would need to switch her mental state from being altruistic to being pragmatic. In many cases, mind-switch is a painful exercise.
5. Shawna might be against the idea of buying lottery in the first place. If that's case, she would be going against her own value.
6. It's $0.17, who gives a rat's rear?
Learning: there are many hidden costs with accepting requests from others. So when making such request, make sure you consider these costs, whether they are conscious or unconscious. Otherwise, you might get a rejection, even it doesn't make sense to you.
Day 39: Race a Random Person
When asking someone to do something, there is a big difference between a favor and a challenge.
A favor requires the requested to invest time and effort on behalf of someone else. When it comes from a stranger, its success tabs into the altruistic side of the request recipient.
A challenge, on the other hand, tabs into the competitive side of human nature. You can argue that Jackie accepted my request for Olympic ring donuts partly because it was both a favor and challenge.
In my case, because I ran into two people who are training for competition and are probably very competitive in nature, they accepted without hesitation.
Learning: When requesting something, consider turning a favor into a challenge. For example, when you ask for donation to charity from strangers, say "most people won't donate to charity through a stranger, but we would appreciate it if you are different and can help."
However, make sure to make it known that first and foremost, what you are requesting is a favor, so it doesn't turn into anything manipulative, which is both unethical and could backfire.
Day 38: Challenge a CEO to a Staring Contest
After walking into three businesses to get a job in one day, I started wondering what would it take to get the CEO to talk to a stranger like myself who shows up unannounced. I'm sure she wouldn't come out if I tried to sell something, offer a deal or look for a job. Then, what about I come in and ask something completely outrageous, fun and harmless? Would that do the trick then? Thanks to the idea from the Cullen family from Michigan, I went into Bloomfire, an online collaboration software company in Austin and challenged the CEO for a staring contest.
The CEO still wouldn't come out. However, the VP of Marketing, Heidi did. She was sports enough to accept my challenge and subsequently beat me. Although I didn't get what I ultimately requested, Bloomfire made me happy by providing an alternative which probably was the better results anyway, since Heidi was very fun to talk to. Had Heidi not come out or accepted my request on behalf of the CEO, I would have left feeling a little disappointed, although I was looking to get rejected. It wasn't fair/unfair, just human nature.
Learning: In the day when I was trying to exchange training with a trainer, I explained how to give a perfect rejection. I want to add one more - if there is no way to get a 'yes' to the original request, provide an alternative. For example, when you are in customer support, give a $10 credit to the angry customer. Remember, retaining an existing customer is 8 times cheaper than acquiring a new one. Over a period of time, $10 is a very small price to pay. Moreover, making an existing customer happy and appreciative is the central part of word of mouth marketing.
Day 36: Trim My Hair at PetSmart
The interesting thing about rejection therapy is the variety of things I can try. I can be very serious one day, like when I was trying convince someone to give me a job or a dinner date, and be more light-hearted the next day. On day 36, I tried to relate to my dog and convince the good people at PetSmart to give me a hair-trimming session.
One thing I found interesting was the power of encouraged humor. When I made the request, its outrageousness prompted Christina to laugh out loud. It immediately put my mindset into a humor/joking one, which led me to give out a series of jokes. While I was successful in getting rejected, the discussion was smooth and hilarious. Jon Stewart, one of my favorite comedian, once said he is extremely uncomfortable in an environment where there is no laughing audience. I can now understand why. Joking becomes so much easier when presenter senses a receptive audience.
On the other hand, laughing at someone's joke can put everyone at ease and even encourage creativity. In one of my favorite books on humor - Sh*t My Dad Says, the author started tweeting a few quotes from his father. People thought they were hilarious and gave very positive feedbacks. He started doing more and more, and eventually wrote a great book.
Learning: rejection or not, humor lubricates the conversation for both parties. When you are engaged in a negotiation session or sales pitch, be open to laugh at other's jokes. You will both come out feeling good. Unless, of course, the jokes are really bad or the other person wasn't joking. In that case, either say 'no' or just give him a hair-trim.
Rejection 35: Ask a Girl Out To Dinner
Rejection hurts, and the fear of rejection cripples. One of the most dreaded rejections comes from romantic settings, where people often associate rejection of the request (going out on a date) with rejection of the person. That's why many people are very afraid to approach the opposite sex with romantic requests. Based on how many people have requested that I randomly ask girls out as one of my rejection sessions, I believe you agree with me. However, since I am married with a kid, I will not do it as a date request. Rather, with my wife's blessing and encouragement, I asked girls out for dinner with both my wife and me.
This was one of the requests that my desire leaned heavily toward a rejection, even though I had much fun in the process. The prospect of having dinner with a stranger is somewhat exciting, but could also be awkward. Since I had this concern as a requester, one can only imagine how tough it would be to get an acceptance from the requested.
In term of romance, although I am not a relationship or pickup expert, as a person in a blissful marriage, I gained some perspective in this request. Whether or not I get a 'yes' here doesn't change the fact that my wife loves me and is very attracted to me. That's really all that matters. Moreover, even in a hypothetical world where I still hadn't met my wife yet, it still doesn't change the fact there is a woman (my future wife), who is a perfect match for me, would love me and be attracted to me. I just haven't met her yet. So even if I get rejected 100 more times, I shouldn't be discouraged, because I simply need to keep looking to find my wife.
Learning: When you get turned down with a date request, don't equate rejection with the idea that you are not attractive. You just haven't met your match yet. Keep looking!
P.S Because so many people have been inspired to also try out these rejection attempts on their own, I've put together a free downloadable PDF "100 Days of Rejection" checklist where you can go out and make these rejection attempts on your own! In the PDF I've also included my Rejection tool kit, which shows you the 5 most powerful ways to turn rejection into opportunity.Download Free Rejection Checklist!
Rejection 34: Get a Job in One Day
This is another one of my 10 audacious rejections. Looking for a job is tough. When I graduated from business school in 2009, I was right in the middle of the financial crisis that costed millions of jobs. Many people were struggling in the job market, and I was one of them. I wrote over 600 emails to network with people before I landed my job offers. Looking back, this was one of the toughest periods of my life.
I know many people can relate with my experience. Job search is difficult and feared because 1. we much rather be working, being productive and generating an income than writing resumes; 2. the uncertainty about today and tomorrow is suffocating; 3. it is a constant state of rejection. After you put your heart into a resume, a cover letter, and if you are lucky, an interview, the odds are you will still hear the dreaded 'no' and have to start over.
The reason I started my rejection therapy is to conquer fear. Since job search is one of the most feared phases in life, I decided to take it head on. This time, I brushed up my resume, listed five companies in Austin I wouldn't mind working for, and dropped in their offices cold looking for a job for one day only.
Why one day only, you asked? This is what I discovered from personal experience - working for free for a short period of time is a great door-opener for job searchers. Without the long-term risks, companies are more willing to try you out. Once you exceed their expectations, they will want to, and in some cases, beg you to stay. By then, you will have earned valuable experiences and turned the table in the job-searching negotiation.
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" - Paul in 2 Timothy 4:7. I feel I can relate to Paul for writing this verse of the Bible.
Much credit goes to Jennifer, whose curiosity, professionalism and kindness kept the conversation alive and gave me hope to come back. You can tell BigCommerce is a good company with quality employees by a simple glimpse into its workforce.
I hope my experience has demonstrated that if you are persistent, honest and willing to lower the risks for the other party, you can increase your odds of finding a job, making a sale, or negotiating a purchase.
Also, it's an interesting fact that all three ladies offered to either take my resume or give me a phone number for followup discussion. This is already much further along the process than simply applying for jobs online. For the people who are currently looking for a job, don't lose hope.
Learnings:
1. No matter what you do, persistence is the key to your success.
2. Be cognizant to other people's risks and obstacles. Offer actions to lower and remove them. When looking for a job, offer to work without compensation for a week. When making a sale, offer customers to try it for free for 10-days. This is the "Generating Options" principle discussed in Roger Fisher and William L. Ury's excellent book on negotiation Getting to Yes.
3. When others can't say 'yes' to the entire request, ask them to say 'yes' to the things they have control over, and go from there. When you get one 'yes', you are much further along than getting no 'yes'.
4. Just when all seem lost, don't lose hope and fight the battle one more time. You never know if you don't go back in there.
Rejection 33: Grill My Own Meat at Salt Lick
I love Salt Lick BBQ. Their pork ribs, along with warm weather and no income tax, are the three things I enjoy the most about Texas. On the other hand, my wife cooks a mean steak. I often wondered what would happen if I take my own meat with my wife's sauce and grill it on Salt Lick's famous open pit. Since I'm doing rejection therapy, I am more than willing to give it a try.
I encountered an unexpected change when Hector invited me to view the pit without me asking. He was welcoming and a great representative of my favorite BBQ restaurant. However, when I asked my crazy request, he had to ask someone else (JT) for permission. When he did that, I knew it wasn't going to happen. The layer between my direct contact (Hector) and the decision-maker (JT) was too much fiction, especially for a request that unusual and uneven.
Learning: It doesn't matter how charming, friendly and comfortable the front-line contact is, you should always always try to negotiate with the decision-maker directly. When the front-line contact has no incentive to be your advocate, it makes especially no sense. People don't like to give out rejections directly, but it is much easier to do so through another associate.
Rejection 32: Get a Free Room at a Hotel
It's Christmas day, and it's bitter cold here in Austin. On Christmas, everything other than hotels and hospitals got shut down. Since I would welcome some warmth, I entered into Westin asking for a free room.
Through my rejection therapy, I have discovered that many times in business or everyday life negotiation, it's more about yes/no. When you get rejected with your initial request, it doesn't hurt if you can request something else. This is called "If you can't do that" principle discussed in Robert Cialdini's fantastic and classic book: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In this case, I got to see the Heavenly Bed, which I have always heard, but never experienced. In the end, it was a win (rejection + see something interesting).
Learning: Go into every negotiation with a secondary goal in mind. If you can't achieve your primary goal, ask for the secondary one. Your chance of getting a 'yes' would increase substantially with your secondary goal, since people really don't like to reject others twice.
The Need For Rejection
My rejection therapy has reached a 31 days, which is a full-month. I have learned more about communication and human connection in the past month than I had in my two years of business school. I have learned how to make a crazy request, stay calm and negotiate. As the result, I'm getting many yeses lately. Some of you have expressed that I am not getting rejected enough. Looking at my rejection score (58%), I agree. While I am ecstatic about my own progress and your support, I don't want complacency to set in. A rejection therapy is supposed to be filled with rejections, especially the ones that are well thought out and executed, but still rejected. Moreover, rejection therapy is about getting out of my comfort zone. If I am getting comfortable with acceptances, I will need to look for more rejections.
There are things I can't control, such as my appearance/accent (for good or for bad), my communication effort (I want to apply my learnings and do my best), and people's reaction to my request. One thing I can control, however, is the degree of craziness of my request. To take it to the next level, I want to increase the difficulty of my requests. Feel free to email me at jia at fearbuster.com if you have suggestions. Please remember my criteria:
1. It is crazy and difficult, but physically possible and fun. Anything involves jail, hospital/mental institution, or rewriting physics won't work, ie. I won't ask someone to fly off the building.
2. It is something I'm willing to do. Exchanging underwear with strangers might be fun for the viewers, but not for the people doing it.
3. It is moral/ethical. I won't undermine my family or make any false claim during my rejection session.
Thanks again for your support. Your heartwarming emails and comments are really making my journey a memorable and worthwhile one. I hope it is to you guys too.
I wish you a Merry Christmas!
Rejection 31: Be Santa to a Santa
It's the time of the year again - gifts, decoration and yes, taking your kid to Santa in the mall for pictures. I have always wondered that Santa probably sat there for hours and days for these pictures, and have hundreds, if not thousands of kids sitting on his laps. Now, we all have a kid in us. Does Santa want to sit in someone's lap too? On Day 31 of my rejection therapy, I went to the mall that Santa sits, and offered him my lap.
There is a reason that the phrase "return the favor" exists. Just like a massage therapist would enjoy a massage him/herself, a Santa would also enjoy sitting on someone's lap.
Learning: Don't be afraid to offer someone his/her own service. Don't assume because that person does it everyday, he/she wouldn't enjoy it done to him. After all, the golden rule says "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Rejection 30: Slide Down the Firepole at a Firestation
In one of my favorite song - Superman, by Five for Fighting, the lyric goes "even heroes have the right to bleed". For firefighters, they bleed, sweet and risk their lives to save lives. Now, do they have the right to reject? I went into a fire station to test it out.
They say policemen are hated, and firemen are loved. You can easily find out why the ladder is true. Firemen have vehicle, thought not a tumbler; they have uniforms, though not a bat suit; they have tools, though not a utility belt; they have call signals, though not a bat light in the sky. But they are truly the real-world version of batman.
Learning: 1. showing someone your respect will go a long way before you make any request. However, don't flatter or manipulate, be genuine and don't go overboard. Everyone wants to be loved and respected, especially the people who risk their lives to keep you safe. 2. After we watch news where predominantly bad news are broadcasted, we sometimes ask ourselves, where have all the good people gone? Well, they are everywhere. When you have time, feel free to stop by a fire station and show your appreciation. Again, giving someone praise is beneficial to everyone.
Rejection 29: Learn Making Chai Tea From Barista
When someone challenges you to do a rejection therapy session right there, it's called taking a dare. That's exactly what happened when Fidel Martinez, the reporter from DailyDot.com (article here), asked me to demonstrate how rejection therapy works in a coffee shop. I got up and walked to the very charming barista - Daniel, and asked her to teach me to make her favorite drink.
When faced with a unusual request, Daniel said 'yes' faster than I could blink, which really surprised me. On one hand, she has the personality that could melt most people. On the other hand, she mentioned that she loves this type of request, so she can have fun during her job too.
Learning: A sweet personality can't be manufactured or trained. A good barista, or any customer service rep is justified to say 'no', or to hesitate in saying 'yes' to unusual request. However, it's the non-hesitating 'yes' and going the extra mile that create a wow moment. I suggest any company wanting to offer great customer service to spend more effort on hiring than training, because people like Daniel and Jackie were made much earlier than they were hired by their companies.
Rejection 28: Make a Sale For Best Buy
There are many things to be said about the demise of Best Buy, especially how online sites like Amazon are kicking its butt. However, I still go there once in a while, mainly if I need in-person help to choose a product. I have always felt advices from peers rather than from sales person are a lot more powerful. So I ventured into Best Buy on my 28th day of Rejection Therapy to offer their sales rep to help them making a sale.
Sean (#1) couldn't stop trying to sell me products even I made my intention ample clear. I feel a good sales person would not force feed a message to a non-receptive audience.
Shawn (#2) however, either by design or chance, made a very smart move by changing the topic of the conversation from my request to my company. It in turn helped me to make a sale for my own product to him.
Learning: 1. One of most effective ways to reject someone, especially someone who is persistent like myself, is to defect the request by changing the topic. People are mostly interested in talking about themselves and their interests. So if you can get them talking, you have probably made a successful non-contentious rejection. 2. Sales is about knowing the customers and their needs. If the customers made it very clear what their needs are, don't try to change their needs and force your message on them.