What You Did After Rejections
I asked many of my readers to send me their own stories about not giving up after rejections in my previous post - How I Saved $25K with One Simple Decision. To be frank, I was more or less expecting a few more passport/driver’s license stories.
I was blown away by what I read. Here are some of the stories:
From L, an author, and speaking coach:
My story: I wanted a blurb from a speaking mentor of mine who is an NYTimes bestselling author. I sent an email pitch to him and received a polite reply from an assistant saying that he felt it was too much overlap with what he did. It felt like a conflict of interest. I didn’t agree about the conflict but wasn’t sure how to articulate it.
Later that week, I happened across a LinkedIn post of Barbara Corcoran’s in which she shared the letter she sent to Shark Tank after she was turned down for the job. I woke up the next morning thinking: I can do this too. I wrote back saying that I must not have articulated the premise of the book well enough because, in fact, by reading my book, readers would be in a perfect position to take advantage of my mentor’s program (which I soft promote in the book.)
That day, my mentor personally wrote to thank me for the clarification, and if he were to write a blurb, what would I ideally want it to say? Success!
Jia’s thoughts: as an author, I know the pain on both sides of blurb requests. When I wrote my book a few years ago, very few people knew who I was, so I begged 20 bestselling authors I knew to blurb my book to give it more credibility. Nowadays, I have become an established author myself, I get tons of requests from other up-and-coming authors to do the same for their books.
In fact, it’s more painful to be on the receiving end of the requests because I am forced to say a lot of NOs. I simply don’t have the time to read other people’s manuscripts… heck I don’t even want to read my second grader’s homework, and his academic trajectory is that of a homeless person.
Me when getting another blurb request.
But how can I blurb others’ books if I don’t read them? What if the book stinks? What if the author advocates cannibalism in the book? If I endorse it without knowing, my name might be forever linked with the human-flesh-diet.
It’s a catch-22. So I will just have to say NO to all of them.
So, how did L get a YES from her mentor after the initial rejection? There were three Rejection Proof principles involved here:
1. Targeting - You are much more likely to get a YES if you target the right person. In this case, she asked her mentor, who knew her well, and she asked him twice. The mentor also had incentives to preserve the relationship. So it’s easier for him to say YES.
2. Win-win - she handled the objection by spelling out the benefit to the would-be endorser - promoting his program in her book. Let me tell you a secret: this is the face of most authors when someone else is promoting their work for free.
When someone's promoting your work for free.
3. Lowering risks - additionally, by selling her mentor the benefit of endorsing her, L demonstrated that she’s a savvy and empathetic person. In the mentor’s mind, this would lower the potential risks of linking his name with her book. Because a savvy and empathetic person usually doesn’t write books about eating other people in her books.
From V, a corporate employee:
This was one year ago when I was hunting for my first ever corporate job. There were a lot of rejections I received from my interviews.
Then I message people on LinkedIn--there’s one remarkable person who referred me to his colleague from his old company. This colleague interviewed me. But I never heard back from her again.
If I am too obedient in following that fate of rejections after rejections, I’ll just succumb to pitying myself. But I chose to message the person on LinkedIn and update him on my interview process. A few months later, the LinkedIn guy had a posting. I got it, with a desired position and salary.
The funniest part, the colleague who interviewed me also became my workmate.
Thanks for sharing this, Jia! I’ve been so stressed out about work lately, but this motivated me somehow. Have a great rest of the week!
Jia’s thoughts: V’s example here should be used in job search textbooks. The #1 tool I teach job-seekers is getting a degree from Harvard. If that’s not possible, #2 would be getting a referral, even from strangers.
Research has shown that while only 7% of job applicants have referrals, 40% of jobs are given to referred candidates. So V was very astute in asking for referrals here. She might or might not know this LinkedIn connection well, but a referral is a referral. That’s all it mattered.
Unfortunately, V still got rejected. In fact, ghosting is the worst form of rejection. That’s where most people stop with their effort. But she was able to turn it around by using a couple of additional techniques:
1. Mind-refresh - V gave updates to the LinkedIn connection who referred her. It kept her fresh in her mind. So when a job opened up, V’s name was at the top. In this busy world, our minds are occupied by everything everywhere all at once. Reminding people that you are still on the job market is a great way to get opportunities fed to you.
2. Gratitude - attitude matters a lot in handling rejections. V showed respect and appreciation for her LinkedIn connection even though the referral didn’t work out. It showed that V wasn’t just using her to get what she wanted.
It also unconsciously injected some motivation and perhaps a tinge of guilt in the LinkedIn connection’s mind because her colleague ghosted V. That might or might not have prompted her to help V with another interview and eventually the job, but it couldn’t have hurt.
What you do after a rejection shows a lot about you. Use it as an opportunity to demonstrate your character and emotional intelligence to others and yourself.
Every rejection is an opportunity to show your character.
From D, an artist
When I wanted to study classical painting in Italy, I couldn’t afford tuition and applied for government help in Switzerland, where I was living.
The rules in Switzerland were:
1) financial support is only given to domestic educational institutions,
2) financial support is only given for education that leads to a recognized degree (Bachelor’s, Master’s),
3) another rule I can’t recall now.
My situation went against all three rules: studying abroad, just getting a diploma instead of a recognized degree, and one more thing.
What drove me to find a way was that I REALLY wanted to study at this particular school. I had traveled to different countries to find the best school I could find, and it was the one in Italy. I just had to study there. It felt inevitable.
I wrote passionate letters to government officials. And I got the vice chancellor of one of Switzerland’s art universities to write a statement for me, confirming that the type/quality of education in drawing & painting that I was looking for was no longer provided in Switzerland. The authorities finally agreed! I graduated after four years of studies, and although I had to reapply every year, I received financial support throughout. This made the studies possible that have been the foundation for my livelihood during the past 10+ years.
Apparently, when my motivation is strong enough, I will attempt to do what seems impossible.
Jia's thoughts: Congratulations to D for realizing his dreams and building a great career. This story is a classic example of someone who wanted something badly enough, and he moved mountains to make it happen, even after being rejected over and over.
We all face similar situations in life. D is an inspirational story because of his burning desire. But life decisions are usually not that cut-and-dry. What if your desire for something is strong but not THAT strong? What if it’s for something very nice to have, but you also have other attractive alternatives? How much effort do you give to make this particular desire happen? At what point do you say, “this is not worth it,” and just give up and try something else? Is there a right answer here?
Yes, there is.
I’ll tell you when you should quit and when you should keep going with your dreams in the next post.
Jia