Pursue Your Passion Despite Rejections

Author: Anthony S., Performer

(Arizona, US)

I have lived and worked for the past 30 years in the Asia Pacific region. Singapore, Thailand, and Hong Kong. In 2009, in Hong Kong, I started doing stand-up comedy. Even though, by day, I was a banker. I did it to prove to myself and my peers that for any business initiative, great communication skills AND confidence are keys to success. 

I started doing open mics. The first time I went on stage, I was SCARED TO DEATH. I had notes, and I was shaking. I told my jokes. No one laughed. 

I could’ve quit right there, telling myself that this was not meant to be. I kept at it. 

My friends and family (yes, family) were telling me that I was too crazy and I just didn't have what it took! I kept at it. 

The more rejections I received, the more motivation I gave myself to prove they were wrong. The stronger my fear of no laughter grew, the stronger my determination increased to win them over one day. For the longest time, the rejections and fears were my only friends that got me through the nights. I kept going because I knew that I was way ahead of most businesspeople just by being on stage.

Then, after a couple of years, it became easier and easier. After 2 years and countless times on stage with little laughter, forgetting my jokes, losing my place in the middle of a joke, and using notes, I was on a stage, 100's of eyes on me, with only a microphone making people laugh! And feeling on top of the world! Unlike in business, I was speaking with no notes, no PowerPoint, and no whiteboard: JUST ME. My ability to speak extemporaneously skyrocketed! I was able to handle hecklers, handle disruption, handle large and small audiences and never, ever feel nervous or scared that I would forget my jokes or lose my place. The point is it wasn’t natural! It took me almost 2 years to feel comfortable on stage without notes and really connect with the audience! I think in life, no matter what you are doing, if you want to be great, you need to be fearful, practice, and make lots of mistakes!

I learned from the best and watched the best. I got on stage as much as I could and became the best. I went on Comedy Central in Asia and was in a movie filmed in Hong Kong. 

You might think the story ended here. It was just the beginning. 

When I returned to the USA (Dec 2019), I was back to square one. Despite what I achieved in Asia, it meant nothing in the USA. I had to start again, But this time? It was so easy. Why? All my experiences in becoming a standup comedian already put the invisible cloak on me to have no fear of failure or rejection. Today Sep 14, 2022 (when I wrote this post to share with Jia), I am running my own shows in Arizona and regularly perform in the USA. I was rejected many times when I was looking for a venue in Phoenix. I KEPT GOING. I didn't have fear; I had passion.

How might my story be related to you in pursuing your dreams? 

• Have a higher purpose. 

• Never settle. Always think about what you can be.  

• Even if you get rejected, your time and effort bring you closer to your goal.

• Know that failure and rejection are part of the process.

• Even the greats started where I did. They just persevered.

• So can I. 

• Let your passion be your weapon.

• My passion for succeeding and being on stage made up for all the rejections. I visualized myself as successful and on stage. That worked for me to keep going. 

• Work hard.

• Your dream can’t just be a dream that stays in your head. Nothing will happen if you don’t work hard for it. 

• Before I got into performing, I studied the best, read about the best, and learned from the best. I modeled myself after them. After much trial and error, I finally found my voice. 

No matter what you are in your journey to realizing your dream, make rejections and fears your friends. They don’t break you; they make you stronger. 

Building Self-Esteem Through Rejections

Author: Parsa A., Student (San Jose, USA)

There is something oddly beautiful about hearing the word “no.” It’s like a new opportunity has opened; a chance to turn that “no” into a “yes.”

I was 17 years old when I first discovered rejection therapy. After watching Jia Jiang’s inspirational Ted Talk, I immediately got to work and set out to complete my own 100 days of rejection. For the past two years, I have dedicated my life to analyzing self-esteem within human beings – what it is, how to cultivate it, and why there is a widespread lack of it among my high-school peers – and one pattern I noticed is that a lack of self-esteem directly contributes to a fear of rejection.

Because of my research in self-esteem, rejection therapy spoke to me on a deeper level. I fell in love with it after Day 1, asking a stranger for $100. Along the way I’ve made some great memories – taking a picture with Chili’s staff, holding the lobsters at Red Lobster, and making an announcement on an airplane, to name a few.

But more importantly, I’m amazed at how much I have grown as a result of rejection therapy. Before I started my journey, I didn’t realize how pervasive fear of rejection was in my decision making. I missed out on opportunities for new friendships and experiences out of fear of being judged or looking weird. Now that I’ve completed my 100 days, I feel liberated. The self-consciousness that used to follow me everywhere is nowhere in sight. I even find myself continuing the journey by asking for free drinks at coffee shops or custom-shaped pizza at Pizza Hut. I mean, what’s the worst case? They’ll say no.

Now I have to admit, I’m still not perfect. And that’s because no one is. I still catch myself overthinking at times, debating whether I should go up to a person and ask for what I want. But the important thing is that I have these rejection therapy experiences to look back to, and remind myself of how harmless hearing “no” is. That’s the beauty of rejection therapy: it gives us concrete memories and experiences to look back to, and helps us regain the confidence we need to not be afraid of rejection.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that rejection therapy is exactly what my peers need to build their self-esteem. I see how my peers’ fear of rejection manifests itself at school. I see students who don’t have the confidence to participate in a class discussion, students who can’t ask the teacher a simple question, and students who won’t get help on a homework assignment, all for a fear of being rejected by others.

Rejection therapy changes all of that. It shows that even after being told no, you still have infinite, unconditional worth. It proves that even after getting rejected, you are still loved by your closest friends and family. These realizations help us to overcome self-doubt, and allow us to grow into the people we want to be. As a result, we learn to really appreciate ourselves, and from there we build self-esteem.

In an increasingly tech-heavy world with social media rampant among teenagers, I think rejection therapy is an experience that all high schoolers should go through. Apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok present a false front of perfection, making greatness not an achievement, but an expectation. And it's in this unrealistic environment that many young adults develop their own sense of self. Rejection therapy allows teens to realize that not everything is as perfect as it seems, and that's okay. It allows us to consolidate our self-esteem, and realize our potential in achieving our most ambitious dreams.

Now that I’ve completed my rejection therapy, I am working on a new mission: to help my peers overcome their fear of rejection and build self-esteem. This might not happen immediately, but it is important to take it one step at a time. So why not start today? How about the next time you are standing in line, instead of going on your phone, ask the cashier for a discount. Who knows, they might even say no!

Everyone is Broken

Author: Richard B., Product Manager (Virginia, USA)

I hadn’t reflected much on the cycle of rejection prior to hearing Jia Jiang’s wonderful Ted Talk. I’d been aware of a life-altering rejection early in life but hadn’t delved in to how it had influenced my behavior.  Taking time to deconstruct the cycle led me to try new approaches with positive results.   Here’s my story.

Up until the age of seven I had a close relationship with my Dad.  We’d take walks together most evenings. His attention and time made me feel confident, happy, and special.  In my seventh year, this closeness changed as, for several reasons, my dad turned into an angry, impatient, distant, uncommunicative person.  The transformation was gradual, but soon there were no more evening walks.  No more conversations.  I took this as rejection of me rather than a sickness of his and concluded that I had done something wrong.  The rejection was crystallized in a specific moment.

Dad had picked me up from basketball practice and needed to swing by K-mart.  We were in the home appliances aisle where he was looking for something.  I, always curious and verbal, saw a hair dryer labeled Vagabond and asked, “why’s this called vagabond?”

He wheeled around, loudly berating me in front of the entire aisle: “Why do you always ask stupid questions?  Who cares why it’s called vagabond?  What difference does it make?  Stop being such a dummy.” It was humiliating.  I wished I could sink through the floor, safely disappearing like a cartoon character.  

Flash forward to a professional career in Fortune 500 companies for 20+ years.  Consistent feedback has sounded like this: “Rich does not always ‘read the room,’ speaking before thinking.  At times he pushes his thoughts or views inappropriately.  He sometimes makes it all about him, dominating conversations and can come across as a know-it-all.”  Meanwhile, my internal voice after meetings would be saying: “Rich, you’re such an idiot.  What a dummy.  Why did you say that?  Dummy!”  Rinse, repeat.

When discussing these behaviors with a great coach, I made the connection that I was playing out that rejection event over and over:  feeling overlooked and left out, needing to be noticed ; needing to prove I was smart and so speaking impulsively.  Previously, when considering the feedback, I chalked it up to it just being the way I’ve always been.  Considering the rejection cycle, though, it was clear.  It wasn’t a fixed personality trait; it was a pattern; and therefore fixable.

I didn’t go to a donut shop and ask for Olympic ring donuts 😊.   Rather, I laid out for my team the important insights I’d found and apologized for having come on too strong in the past.  I committed to listening more and speaking less.  I also asked a few colleagues to be “watchers,” keeping an eye on me during meetings and either giving me real-time safe signals or following up with feedback.  The reaction I got to being vulnerable like this; owning my flaws surprised me.  It made me more relatable, more human; more trusted.  They didn’t reject me for being imperfect; they embraced me for being real.

There are two key takeaways for me then, and hopefully for you too.  First, we are not permanently fixed in our feelings or behaviors.  We can change, we can re-wire our habits, patterns and emotional cycles – even in our 50’s!  It’s never too late to make the effort to change.  Second, like Radiohead sings in Telex:  “Everyone is broken.”   It seems we all go around trying to hide this fact, protecting our sense of self with various behaviors and projections because underneath we’re afraid of being rejected.  If we dare to lead with our brokenness, we may very well find that others do the opposite: they accept and embrace us.

How My Own Prejudice Changed My Life

Author: Anne S., Career Advisor, Social Worker (Norway)

January 2017: “Can I sit here?” My adrenaline kick surprisingly helped me fake a firm tone. If you’ve ever been on a Norwegian bus, you’ll know that no one sits next to a stranger unless they absolutely have to.  Yet there I was, waiting for eye-contact from the only other passenger, and honestly waiting for this sporty looking guy to sigh. It was as if the echo of my own question was singing to me about how judged I would be, and how I hate new year’s resolutions. That I should never have committed to doing something about the talks I watch on Youtube.  

Surprisingly the guy (though quite muffled) smiled and moved his stuff for me. In another rush of adrenaline, I thought “that was too easy, I need to get rejection training!” and started asking him about his life. His response was to remove his earplugs, shift his relaxed position, and give me a real answer. Finally, I told him about my new project, he said, and get this: that no stranger EVER had asked him about his day in public before. “This needs to keep happening,” he said. “I think you’re onto something! Isn’t it kinda funny how we put on a show in public, pretending not to care about each other, because we actually care way too much about what the other person really thinks about us?” 

And that was the start of my rejection journey - A journey that helped me realize: Part of my fear came from my own prejudice against this guy. After his response I realized I had actually been more judgmental than he was. I was scared because I was expecting him to be a judgmental jerk. Especially because he was athletic. You see, I always had a limp in my leg, and for that I often felt judged and discriminated by athletic people. Now having grown, I noticed I still kept my distance. I felt comfortable in my body, and I obviously knew in my head that athletic people weren’t all superficial, and I had even done some forgiveness work, but somewhere inside of me, I still held that prejudice.  With “the bus guy” I was surprised by his openness, because I was “judging him to have to be judgmental” if you will. That realization became a game changer to me. Because my prejudice is my responsibility to deal with. The power is in my hands, so if this prejudice is really the core of the problem, then I have some work to do!

So, as I went on, singing on the train, asking for fancy jobs, inviting strangers to my birthday party, starting a “Quest for Rejection” FB-community and taking people with me on “Rejection hangouts”, even finally opening up to love at 28, I always kept looking for people who I felt prejudice against. If I thought “this person is definitely going to be judgmental toward me” then I tried to connect with them. “Wait… why connection? Wouldn’t that be exposing yourself to unnecessary pain?” Good question! Now I wasn’t going to allow people to walk all over me, but I figured I had to risk some pain to deal with my prejudice. I based my action plan on something called “Inter Group Connection Theory”. This basically says the best way to deal with one’s own prejudice is to create relational connection. Connection allows someone to go from stereotype to person, by adding complexity to your impression of them. So, for example, to deal with my ideas of athletes, I decided to start going where I could find them: Obviously, the gym. I started running  with an “underlying spy agenda” of finding what made these people real people. Long story short: I started making friends. It turned out even athletes appreciate the chance to be real, complex and quirky. That they prefer not being stamped or “forced to be” mean and one-dimensional.” I further discovered that, even though I run differently, I actually love running, and to top it off I was eventually invited to join the running team! That moment was so impactful I still sob like a baby when thinking about it. An invitation to the one dream I expected to be the least qualified for.

I think we can all agree that judgement is not our best friend, with it’s one-dimensional and irrational portrayals of people. Sometimes, though, we seem to think achieving our goals is about proving our right to not be judged/rejected or proving that people were wrong to judge us. What I want to propose to you is: how about flipping this around? How about taking a look at our own harsh judgement of people? What if they had the chance to be anything but jerks? What would that open up in our lives?   

Ask Away

Author: Zuberia T., Technical Writer (Greater Toronto Area, Canada)

Ask and you shall receive…maybe not always, but ask anyway – has always been my mom’s adage. Years ago, my mom, brother and I were travelling during our summer break. We had got two free business class tickets provided by my dad’s workplace. My very practical mom had bought herself an economy ticket, as she deemed spending on a business class ticket as unnecessary. So my brother and I would travel in business, while she would take the economy. On the day of travel, my mom decided at check-in that she would ask if they could upgrade her to business. My brother and I were appalled and our unanimous reaction was “Noo, that’ll be embarrassing! What if they laugh at us for asking?”. My fear as a 9 year old was that the airline guys would take away our existing business class tickets for mom’s impertinence. Mom just shrugged her shoulders defiantly and said “The worst they can do is say NO…so it’s not a big deal!”. At the check-in counter, my mom approached the airport agent and explained our situation, and asked if it was possible to upgrade her. Meanwhile, my brother and I stood faraway from mom pretending to be strangers. The lady at the counter paused for a few seconds and said she would need to ask her boss. She went to get him and after 5 excruciating minutes, came back with her boss. He looked into our records and saw that we had travelled frequently with their airlines. He finally said with a smile that they’d be okay to upgrade her. I’ll never forget mom’s triumphant smile when she told us “If you never ask, you’ll never know”.

Another incident that deepened my faith in not being afraid to ask no matter what the response will be, was in high school. One of my teachers was forming a dance group for an event. I loved dancing, however, I had fallen sick when my teacher was holding auditions and couldn’t make it. The group was formed and the practice sessions had started by the time I had recovered and returned to school. One day, after class I followed the teacher while grabbing my bestie to tag along for moral support. I went up to the teacher, told her I’m a good dancer and asked if there was any way possible I could be a part of the dance group. She thought for a second and said, “One of the girls just dropped out of the group, so yes, you can join. I really hope you’re good, because you’ll need to catch up quickly!”. It took me a few minutes to process the easy acceptance. Some other students were annoyed with me for getting in easily and wondered how I managed it…if only they knew that all I did was ASK! 

Friends and colleagues have told me about their awesome experiences, from getting a huge raise in the middle of the year to highly qualified strangers agreeing to be their mentors, all because they simply had the courage to ask! However, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, we’ve all got our fair share of disappointing and embarrassing ‘NOs’. Like your request being denied at a customer service center, your proposals for a new plan being rejected, your ask for help being ignored or someone laughing at a question you asked in a meeting. These rejections make us regret and in hindsight we tell ourselves, it was stupid to ask.

The fear of rejection is very real, it has been found that our brains processes rejection like it does physical pain. But we cannot let the fear of rejection stop us from asking. I came across this valuable and entertaining TED talk by Jia Jiang who talks about how to handle rejection. Jia calls it 100 days of Rejection Therapy, where he comes up with awkward requests which most people would be inclined to reject. Like asking a stranger for a 100$ or a bizarre request for Olympic style donuts at Krispy Kreme (this video is a must watch!). His goal at the end of the 100 days was to desensitize himself from the pain and overcome the fear of rejection.

Another wonderful TED talk by Heidi Grant titled ‘How to ask for help – and get a yes’, tells us how we need to open ourselves to the idea of expressing our need for help by asking and the dos & don’ts of how to structure our requests for help.

I found the above TED talks to be very useful in taming the paper tiger - the act of asking much easier. If you have more resources or tips, do share them in the comments below. Happy Asking folks! 

Dealing with Disappointment

Author: Randi L., Author, Blogger (Kentucky, USA)

Recently, I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day*. The first email I opened was a notice that one of my favorite picture book manuscripts had been rejected. Then that afternoon, my publisher called to say the publication of my educational children's book would be delayed, even though she had planned to have it published this year. I felt so bummed out.     

The writing life is not always sunny. It's a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. More lows than highs, it seems. It takes days, weeks, months to come up with an idea and put it in words, then edit and edit and edit and submit and submit and submit and quite often you get a no thank you, it's a pass, it's not a good fit for my list, or the market is not right for your book.  

It's easy to feel hopeless. But this is what I signed up for. No one forces me to be a writer. This is my choice. And I have to accept the fact that rejection and setbacks are part of it. I know this. I've known this for over twenty years.  

A day like this causes me to look back at my life and realize that it has been a journey of learning to be patient. At the age of 28 I thought I'd never get married. Two years later, I met my soulmate.  

At the age of 42, I wanted to be published in a children's magazine and three years later I was published in Highlights for Children.  

From that time on, I began to look for a publisher for my picture book and many years later, it was published by a small press.  

I have been successful in my personal life and with my writing career—it just takes some time. But patience wasn't on my mind on this very bad day. I needed a distraction so, I took a break from writing and checked Pinterest, LinkedIn and Facebook. Then I headed over to Twitter. Up popped a tweet from E. S., an agent whom I follow.  

In one of his tweets, he mentioned that he had signed ten writers. That's a big deal.  Since we interact rather frequently, I congratulated him and then snuck in a question. I asked him whether I should query a colleague of his. You see, earlier this year, this colleague rejected two of my picture book manuscripts. I hesitated submitting to him again. But E. S. sent me a positive message: Don't be nervous. Submit. This manuscript could be the one.       

Wow, that was one of the coolest messages I've EVER received from an agent. He lifted my spirits and gave me hope. On this awful day I decided to stay on the writing path. I worked on a query. Maybe this new manuscript COULD be the one. The one an agent will love. The one that will land me representation. The one that will become a book.  

Sure, there will be rejections. Setbacks. Major disappointments. I repeat my mantra: Be patient. And then the sting of rejection and disappointment softens and I keep on keeping on. I can't imagine not writing, even when I feel discouraged. And if I remember to be patient, there will be wonderful, delightful very good days ahead. 

*Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad by Judith Viorst.

Check out Randi’s blog: themaggieproject.blogspot.com

Follow her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/randilynnmrvos

My Well-Intended "Help" Is Rejected: A Gas Can Lesson

Author: Colleen M., Consultant (Chicago, USA)

My friend, a former neighbor who has been going through a rough patch could not find the keys to her home. She thought they were in her car, but she was not able to find them.

I offered to help her. She asked if she could drive her car into my garage where we could then look for her keys.

I agreed. I moved my car out of the garage and onto the street, then went back to my garage and waited for her.

She pulled her cute black Nissan hatchback with personalized red Blackhawk plates into my empty two-car garage.

Then she opened her rear hatch and proceeded to hand me bag after bag of items -- Jewel, Osco, Mariano’s, Menards, JOANN’s, and Target.

I was overwhelmed with the quantity of bags she had in her car.

As I looked in the bags for her keys, I started to empty the items from the bags and organized the contents for her. I instinctively made piles.

The piles ended up looking like the drop-down menu on the Target website: grocery, household essentials, women’s clothing, shoes, home, beauty, personal care, health, pets, school and office supplies, party supplies, and what I thought should be clearance.

Then she pulled out a large gas can from her car.

I felt myself start to panic.

I looked at the piles of items that had taken over my garage and I insensitively blurted out, “I am going to need my garage back.”

That’s when my friend so justifiably said to me, “I never asked you to organize my stuff. I just wanted help finding my keys.”

Thankfully (and I’m not sure how), I was able to hear her over the pounding of my anxious heart.

I said, “Yes. That’s right.”

At that point, we had been working on finding her keys for two hours. We then agreed to try for one more hour, and if we could not find them, we would call the locksmith. We also agreed we would load her items back into her car by the end of the day. Which we did.

I am the oldest of six children. Let’s face it, I can be bossy. I see what I think needs to be done, and I dive right in and do it.

Sometimes my well-intended “help” is rejected.

Yet, I am grateful when I get a timely rejection.

Conversely when someone withholds a rejection from me, I soldier on blindly thinking that I’m being helpful when in fact I’m causing hurt.

In cases like the one with my friend who could not find the keys to her home, rejection helps me slow down.

It’s like getting cold water dumped on my hot head.

Rejection says:

· Stop

· Pick your head up and see the big picture

· Take an empathy pill, and

· Listen and hear what’s really needed.

When I do this, then maybe, just maybe, I can actually do what my sincere intention is – to help relieve the distress of a friend.

More stories from Colleen: https://medium.com/disconnected-by-colleen-mcfarland

Check out Colleen’s book: https://www.colleenmcfarland.us/disconnected

30 Day Rejection Challenge - the Change of our lives

Authors: Crispin & Tim, podcaster (Germany)

Chrispin and Tim in New Zealand

Tim and I reached out to Jia a few weeks ago because we wanted to express our immense gratitude for his influence on our lives.

Our story starts around noon, November 13, 2018… …

I, Crispin, am currently traveling through New Zealand. I am 18 years old, just graduated high school and ready to take my life into my own hands. Right on my second day after arrival I had met Tim, another young guy from Germany who traveled to New Zealand for the same reason. On that Tuesday, November 13, 2018, I show Tim the youtube video of Jia Jiang’s Tedx talk ‘What I learned from 100 days of rejection.’ We both watch it in awe, thinking: “Wow. This sounds crazy.” On the same note we are also deeply inspired.

We look at each other - knowing we are both thinking the same thing.

Let’s do this, we said.

The first challenge: Borrow 100 bucks from a stranger.

Easy.

Not so easy. After figuring out who is gonna start we find ourselves trying to approach the first person. Nearly impossible. For some reason the simple act of stopping a person and casually asking them to lend us 100 bucks turns out to be one of the most uncomfortable things we have ever done. We see a person, start to walk in their direction and … turn around. This seems to be so hard for some reason! But we start out again. And again. And again. And then, almost 30 minutes later, I find myself simply opening up my mouth. I hear the words “Excuse me, can I borrow 100 bucks from you?” coming out of my mouth.

It was this moment that I felt the biggest relief of my life. It was also this moment that made me realize once again why we were doing what we set out to do. Both Tim and I came to New Zealand after high school for a reason. We wanted to develop ourselves. We wanted to come back home as the person we dreamed of being. And it was that moment I knew that my life would never be the same again.

This day was the start of the journey in which Tim and I broke free from the limitations we had set ourselves growing up. On the same afternoon, we set ourselves the audacious goal of doing one rejection challenge a day for 30 consecutive days. And our journey kept going ever after.

Now, two and a half years later I can say that - oh man - change is possible.

It is the confidence I have now, it is my girlfriend, my Podcast ‘With the Right People’ and the life I live now that keep reminding me of this life-changing experience back in New Zealand. And since Tim is one of my best friends ever since, I can assure that it’s the same for him.

Tim and I keep Jia’s Tedx talk and the message it entails among the top influences of our lives.

Keep going on your mission!

Moving Beyond Rejection to Enter Your Personal Power

Author: Linda T., Executive Coach

(Washington, USA)

How many of you go through life thinking about and then answering the question, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" I invite and encourage you to rewrite this disempowering script playing in your head that contemplates an upcoming rejection. The next time you find yourself in a situation when that thing you want most to happen is at stake, what if, for a moment, you flip the internal conversation you are having with yourself to,

"What is the best thing that can happen?"

Why am I sharing this now?

I wanted more than anything to teach a facilitated workshop where I could share with individuals how they could change their environment and find resiliency when faced with adversity and find hope again. When I worked with a life coach who helped me navigate through the darkness and find my spark, I was inspired to step up and into my calling to serve people. But, I didn't see how I could do this without the certifications that people often ask for you to provide.

My coach didn't see this as the barrier that I did. Instead, he invited me to take action and ask for a meeting at a local college to open a door for a discussion. I waited about a year before I thought I was ready. Then one day, I decided that instead of fearing the dreaded no and feeling defeated in answering my call to serve others, I changed my internal script to what if they said yes and I could honor my desire to make an impact?

Not only did I get a meeting, I received much more. I accepted an assignment to write a class proposal, create a course description, and fill out and sign a paid contract to teach!

What is the importance of sharing this? I walked in with the single purpose of sharing my passion and desire to deliver an impactful lunch and learn on the subject of resiliency to improve people's outlook. My ability to be received was less about my credentials and more about communicating with conviction.

I learned that when I chose to focus on rejection or not getting what I asked for, it held me back. The cost for this limited way of thinking is high because it robs you of the ability to create experiences that provide the visibility to live truthfully in your power. When we can courageously move beyond this fear and honor our right to ask for things that can be ours, we live a life we believe we are worthy of receiving.

Rejection is Redirection

Author: Chris A., Business owner (England, UK)

“I’m sorry, we’ve decided to go with a different agency. We feel they were a better fit for us.”

Those words hit me like a sledgehammer. I respectfully acknowledged the Managing Director’s decision and wished him all the best with his marketing campaign, but in reality I was gutted.

And it’s weird, because deep down I knew they weren’t the best fit for us.

As a marketing agency, we specialize in helping businesses within the construction and interiors sector, and this particular business we pitched to was slightly outside of those realms. But still had some interest within the construction sector.

I knew working with these guys would have been a challenge, so being rejected by them shouldn’t have been so much of an issue. But it was.

Being rejected just brought out so many negative feelings and the imposter syndrome monster reared its ugly head. ‘Are we not good enough as an agency?’ ‘Maybe I’m not cut out to run a business.’ ‘People just don’t think I’m good enough.’

It took me a few days to dust myself down. I try and work on my mindset every day whether it’s meditation, expressing gratitude, exercise or reading books. So I was trying to work out why it was affecting me so much. I read Jia Jiang’s Rejection Proof earlier this year and his first rejection challenge called out to me, where Jia ran away from the security guard without asking why the guard said no.

After a few days I emailed the business we pitched our services to and who rejected us, thanking them for their time and asking them what their reasons were.

I felt like I needed closure and a reason why the company said ‘no’ to us and our marketing services. Was it because they didn’t like me or didn’t think I was good enough, like my overactive, negative mind had decided?

No.

The guy’s answer was fairly short and sweet. He told me the other agency they saw had a better experience in their direct line of business, and felt they could achieve more, or in his words ‘move the needle’ for them.

Brilliant!

Now I had closure, all of Jia’s book and advice on how to deal with rejection came flooding back.

Being rejected in this instance was nothing to do with us or our ability as an agency, or indeed my ability as a business owner. It was all about the other business and their decision to use another agency.

It just wasn’t meant to be. And in fact it was a positive thing that they chose the other agency who was a better fit. Who knows, they could have turned out to be a difficult client due to the difficult fit between our business and theirs.

I’m learning to embrace rejection more now, and dare I say, actually enjoy being rejected now. We’ve learned as a business it’s so important to work with the right people, and not work with the wrong people.

Rejection is redirection.

Rejection Is Only a Key to the Door of Relentlessness

Author: Andrada S., Student (Miami, USA)

The idea that rejection is nothing but destruction is deeply embedded in our being. We take it personally, and we spiral into a self-inflicting journey where instead of finding ways of achieving our dreams we end up being lethargic. Yet, rejection is nothing but a big, fat gift.

My rejection journey started pretty abruptly when I packed my bags and moved to an alienated country – the United Kingdom. After the honeymoon stage (which lasted about a week) where everything around me seemed new and exciting, I got hit in the face by a humongous, red, double-decker bus called rejection. It was brutal!

Culturally and socially, most things were a shock to me, even the famous British “politeness” that seemed to have faded. If you just visit London for a couple of weeks, you would probably love it (I would too). When you are trying to settle down as an immigrant, it is obvious that the British politeness doesn’t wait for you with its arms open. If you have a strong accent, the majority of British people tend to be more judgemental than you would expect and you might be met with disapproval and criticism. (Now, imagine the noise you hear when a contestant on America's Got Talent gets an X.) Beep! Rejected! When socializing and expressing my opinions  in regard to family and female/ male roles, I was often met with objection. Beep! Rejected! The UK is a highly individualistic country and if you come from a collective culture, you might feel rejected at every corner as everyone is fighting for themselves and they are less willing to help you adapt. When applying for jobs I was met with the same type of disapproval. I was rejected by many industries, including the cleaning and the hospitality industries which don't require many academic skills, yet I still couldn’t get employed.

All the values I followed my whole life were scattered and it made me overly conscious about what I can say or not/ do or not. I wasn’t able to portray who I truly was or what I have to offer because I felt that my ideas and attributes weren’t a fit with the culture or anything at this point. I fought the rejection of others with my own rejection when I should have answered back with persistence. 

However, all the walls that I faced, transformed me into a much better person and one of the things that helped me move past all the rejection was educating myself.

After feeling rejected on all fronts, I started analyzing why I was being rejected and how I can use rejection to my benefit. In a way I was blaming the British culture for my failings. Yet, I had to understand that every culture is different and adapting to it is going to take time and effort. Once I shifted my mindset, I started putting in more work in improving my speech/pronunciation, in writing better resumes and in accepting change. Slowly but surely, things got better, I found a job and got accepted into a university.

At the end of the day, rejection is only a key to the door of relentlessness, and relentless is the door to a room filled with success.