Building Self-Esteem Through Rejections

Author: Parsa A., Student (San Jose, USA)

There is something oddly beautiful about hearing the word “no.” It’s like a new opportunity has opened; a chance to turn that “no” into a “yes.”

I was 17 years old when I first discovered rejection therapy. After watching Jia Jiang’s inspirational Ted Talk, I immediately got to work and set out to complete my own 100 days of rejection. For the past two years, I have dedicated my life to analyzing self-esteem within human beings – what it is, how to cultivate it, and why there is a widespread lack of it among my high-school peers – and one pattern I noticed is that a lack of self-esteem directly contributes to a fear of rejection.

Because of my research in self-esteem, rejection therapy spoke to me on a deeper level. I fell in love with it after Day 1, asking a stranger for $100. Along the way I’ve made some great memories – taking a picture with Chili’s staff, holding the lobsters at Red Lobster, and making an announcement on an airplane, to name a few.

But more importantly, I’m amazed at how much I have grown as a result of rejection therapy. Before I started my journey, I didn’t realize how pervasive fear of rejection was in my decision making. I missed out on opportunities for new friendships and experiences out of fear of being judged or looking weird. Now that I’ve completed my 100 days, I feel liberated. The self-consciousness that used to follow me everywhere is nowhere in sight. I even find myself continuing the journey by asking for free drinks at coffee shops or custom-shaped pizza at Pizza Hut. I mean, what’s the worst case? They’ll say no.

Now I have to admit, I’m still not perfect. And that’s because no one is. I still catch myself overthinking at times, debating whether I should go up to a person and ask for what I want. But the important thing is that I have these rejection therapy experiences to look back to, and remind myself of how harmless hearing “no” is. That’s the beauty of rejection therapy: it gives us concrete memories and experiences to look back to, and helps us regain the confidence we need to not be afraid of rejection.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that rejection therapy is exactly what my peers need to build their self-esteem. I see how my peers’ fear of rejection manifests itself at school. I see students who don’t have the confidence to participate in a class discussion, students who can’t ask the teacher a simple question, and students who won’t get help on a homework assignment, all for a fear of being rejected by others.

Rejection therapy changes all of that. It shows that even after being told no, you still have infinite, unconditional worth. It proves that even after getting rejected, you are still loved by your closest friends and family. These realizations help us to overcome self-doubt, and allow us to grow into the people we want to be. As a result, we learn to really appreciate ourselves, and from there we build self-esteem.

In an increasingly tech-heavy world with social media rampant among teenagers, I think rejection therapy is an experience that all high schoolers should go through. Apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok present a false front of perfection, making greatness not an achievement, but an expectation. And it's in this unrealistic environment that many young adults develop their own sense of self. Rejection therapy allows teens to realize that not everything is as perfect as it seems, and that's okay. It allows us to consolidate our self-esteem, and realize our potential in achieving our most ambitious dreams.

Now that I’ve completed my rejection therapy, I am working on a new mission: to help my peers overcome their fear of rejection and build self-esteem. This might not happen immediately, but it is important to take it one step at a time. So why not start today? How about the next time you are standing in line, instead of going on your phone, ask the cashier for a discount. Who knows, they might even say no!