Thoughts After Meeting Tony Hsieh - It Ain't About Me Anymore
I often wonder what billionaires are like in-person. Do they burn cash to fry lobster burgers? Do they wear cloths made off crocodile fur? Do they drive cars that can dance to YMCA? I also can't help but imagine what I would do if I had a billion dollars, and thought about building my own company to delight my employees and customers, writing books and speaking to inspire other entrepreneurs, investing in technologies that would make the world a better place, and improving my community to attract talented people from all over the world. Most importantly, I just want to be me, a down-to-earth guy who fights for a better tomorrow, with my dreams and struggles, strength and flaws, laughters and tears.
Then I met Tony Hsieh, a guy who is doing pretty much all that.
On one hand, it is thrilling to meet the future version of whom I want to become. On the other hand, I remembered the phrase from Ecclesiastes - "Is there anything of which one can say, 'Look! This is something new'?" Should I be happy that someone has already done it, or be depressed that someone has already done it?
After days of thinking, reflecting on rejection therapy, I think I found the answer - it shouldn't be about me anymore. Nor is it about Tony Hsieh, or Bill Gates, or Martin Luther King Jr. It is about making the world a better place. Whether you are a billionaire, a young entrepreneur, a waitress, a donut maker, a police officer, we all have the ability, gift and responsibility to deliver happiness, one person at a time.
When you, or someone else question if you can really make a positive difference in the world, the answer is 'yes'. Here is the proof.
What Do You Want the Most? What Do You Fear the Most?
My personal journey has given me the opportunity to view and experience rejection in a whole new different level. I no longer see rejection as something negative. Rather, I see it as a way to improve, understand and collaborate. To understand rejection better, I conducted a very simple experiment on Twitter and found something interesting. For the past 10 hours, I searched and collected every tweet with the word 'rejection' in it, and analyzed the content through a simple word counter. I found that other than 'rejection', the most common words in those tweets are 'want', followed closely by 'fear'. My hypothesis is that rejection comes from us wanting something. However, because we want it bad, we fear getting rejected.
Using my personal example, I want to be a successful entrepreneur, so much that I quit my job to pursue this dream. However, because of that strong desire, I feared to be rejected with an investment opportunity that would dramatically increase the likelihood of success.
Luckily, instead of retreating to a safe environment, I shared with the world about my fear (of rejection) and desire (to conquer rejection and achieve success), and then put myself in public to work on my issues through rejection therapy. Professional wise, this has been the best decision I've ever made.
Now, for those of you who would like to share with me, I want to know what you want the most, and what's your biggest fear. Maybe by declaring what we want/fear, we can all work to overcome our fear and get closer to what we want.
Ideas Needed for Rejection Request at BigCommerce
On day 34 of my rejection therapy, I went out and looked for job, and got it at BigCommerce. I followed through with Jennifer and the company after the video, and will make it happen. Today, I will work there for a day. Here is a list of my possible tasks:
* Man the reception area, greet visitors, answer phone
* Prepare meeting space for All Hands meeting
* Put beer in fridge
* Run errands
* Inventory office supplies
* Spend some time with 'success squad' (on the phone with clients)
* Discuss major acquisition targets and potential IPO dates
OK, I added the last item on my own. Whatever the job is, I plan to do my best and leave a good impression for the day. I will also post my learnings and experiences through video or writeup.
The Need For Rejection
My rejection therapy has reached a 31 days, which is a full-month. I have learned more about communication and human connection in the past month than I had in my two years of business school. I have learned how to make a crazy request, stay calm and negotiate. As the result, I'm getting many yeses lately. Some of you have expressed that I am not getting rejected enough. Looking at my rejection score (58%), I agree. While I am ecstatic about my own progress and your support, I don't want complacency to set in. A rejection therapy is supposed to be filled with rejections, especially the ones that are well thought out and executed, but still rejected. Moreover, rejection therapy is about getting out of my comfort zone. If I am getting comfortable with acceptances, I will need to look for more rejections.
There are things I can't control, such as my appearance/accent (for good or for bad), my communication effort (I want to apply my learnings and do my best), and people's reaction to my request. One thing I can control, however, is the degree of craziness of my request. To take it to the next level, I want to increase the difficulty of my requests. Feel free to email me at jia at fearbuster.com if you have suggestions. Please remember my criteria:
1. It is crazy and difficult, but physically possible and fun. Anything involves jail, hospital/mental institution, or rewriting physics won't work, ie. I won't ask someone to fly off the building.
2. It is something I'm willing to do. Exchanging underwear with strangers might be fun for the viewers, but not for the people doing it.
3. It is moral/ethical. I won't undermine my family or make any false claim during my rejection session.
Thanks again for your support. Your heartwarming emails and comments are really making my journey a memorable and worthwhile one. I hope it is to you guys too.
I wish you a Merry Christmas!
Tragedy, Rejection and Hope
On 12/14/2012, the unthinkable happened. a gunman went into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, and killed 20 students and six adults. Just like everyone, I was shocked initially, and went into mourning and reflection. At night, I made this vlog to share my thoughts on what happened.
10 Audacious Rejections
It’s been 24 days since my start of the Rejection Therapy. I feel I haven’t grown this much as a person in this short amount of time since my first month after losing my umbilical cord. It is both surreal and amazing. Many of you have asked me: 1. Are you going to finish all 100? 2. What’s next? #1 is easy – absolutely. #2 took some thoughts. While it will be fun and character-building to get rejected by strangers 75 more times, which I will still do, I want to use the confidence and skills I learned for 10 audacious requests, the things I want to achieve during the rest of my life here on Earth. I will prepare my heart and soul for these requests, and when I get rejected, it will hurt. I want to remember these rejections, desensitize myself from the pain, and work for the rest of my life to achieve these goals.
To start, I want to give a lecture to students. Coming from a family of teachers (my grandparents, father and uncle were all professors/teachers), I have always wanted to be a teacher someday. Now, I will use my experience both as an entrepreneur and a rejection therapy blogger to prepare as hard as I can for a 30-to-45-minutes talk to students. The title will be “Hope From Nope”, and the topic will be how to handle rejections to propel yourself forward in life.
This Wednesday, I will visit a local college here in Austin, and make the request to give a lecture. I will more than likely to be rejected, but this is the type of rejections that are painful and worth experiencing, just like having my sales pitch rejected by customers and investors. And I am inviting you to follow my journey.
My Interview With Larry Olson's Working Radio
Interview with Larry Olson's Working Radio Show I had fun talking with Larry about why I did my rejection therapy, the Jackie story and my future plans.
Rejection Pain is Real
There are people like Jackie in the world, which makes it an amazing place to live and experience. Every day, you might run into your own Jackie, Scott, Robert... However, we can’t expect life to be like a giant sunshine doughnut with rainbow sauce. The fear and pain of rejection is very, very real, especially if it’s on a personal level. That’s why we need rejection therapy. Just to share a personal experience during my 100 days journey. I once wanted to ask a barber to see if I can cut her hair. I figured she has worked on thousands of heads, it would be very fun if some one can turn the table and give her a good experience. She will most likely say no, but that's the whole point of rejection therapy.
During the execution, it started out well, the barber was amused and contemplating what to say, but a customer jumped in because he didn't like the fact that he could also be filmed. His concern was legitimate, but as I explained, he started calling me names and attacking my character. The rejection turned very nasty. (To protect his identity, I won't show this footage)
Now, this type of rejection is different than a simple no. It’s personal. I believe all of you have had similar experiences in life. When you do something well-intentioned, but is interpreted as the opposite, the rejection hurts much deeper. When the rejection is on a personal level instead of action level, the pain could be excruciating.
Many of you have shared your experiences. Some of you were hurt deeply by rejections, whether it’s in romance or business. Please know that I understand your pain. I myself started this journey because I was rejected. That’s why we need rejection therapy. All lives have highs and lows, and all rejections are temporary. If you are rejected today, move on. The next day, a box of Olympic symbol doughnuts or a soccer session in a stranger’s backyard might really put a smile on your face.
100 Days Rejection Therapy Q&A
Hello fans of my blog. I have received hundreds of heart-warming messages from you through my blog, and thousands through Youtube. I am inspired and overwhelmed by your encouragement. I tried to reply to each message, then I started to feel I might need eye surgery or hand transplant. I will continue trying to respond to you, but I’m writing this Q&A to answer some of the most commonly asked questions. Q. Who am I?
A. My name is Jia Jiang (@jiajiang). I’m a proud husband and father in Austin, TX. I also own a technology startup called Hooplus. We are building a commitment management tool to help consumers and business to keep their promises, increase productivity and collaboration.
Q. Why am I doing this? A. In 11/2012, I was turned down by a prominent investor. I wanted the investment so bad that I had dreamt about it on five different occasions. The final rejection hurt as if Santa Claus showed up in person and told me he’s not real, and then ran away with my gifts.
I then turned inward, and wanted to focus on building myself with the necessary entrepreneurial skillsets. My experience revealed that my fear of rejection was real, so I wanted to tackle it first. I searched, and found Jason Comely’s Rejection Therapy concept through FounderDating Forum. I liked it so much and decided to do it right away, and vlog it to keep myself accountable to going through the whole 100 days.
Q. Is it working? A. Like magic blended with kungfu. If you see my first video, I was timid, apologetic and wanted to get out of there ASAP. Now, I can negotiate and even joke with each person.
Q. Should you try Rejection Therapy yourself? A. Absolutely! Many of you expressed that the more videos you watch, the less cringe-worthy they become. That suggests even watching the videos might have some therapeutic effect. However, I encourage all of you to try it on some level personally, because it really works. Maybe you will run into another Jackie in the meantime.
Q. How should you do it? A. You should develop your own rules. Here are the criteria I use: 1. They are fun/crazy. This is fun only if you have the mindset of having fun. 2. They are challenging but not totally unrealistic. In another word, what's stopping the other party from doing it is the craziness, not physics. 3. They are something you want to do. When you get a 'yes' if it ever happens, you should follow through. Therefore, pick something you would enjoy doing/receiving.
Q. What’s next? A. The journey just got started and I have 90 more days to go. Just because the honeymoon was like a dream, it doesn’t mean the rest of marriage doesn’t need to be experienced. We are going to experience this together, good and bad. Hopefully there will be more Jackies, Scotts and Roberts. But either way, there is no loss. That’s the beauty of Rejection Therapy.
Q. What about your suggestions? A. Your suggestions for crazy requests are amazing. I wish you could see them all. When they first start to come in, I kept a list. But now, we are looking at three years if I do them all. I want to overcome rejection, not marry it. However, I will try to blend in your suggestions as I go on, because your ideas are truly ingenious. Keep them coming!
Q. So will you do any crazy requests involve romance? A. No. I am blissfully married with a chubby 4 months old. No blog material, no matter how interesting, can undermine that.
Krispy Kreme, Give Jackie a Raise!
I started this Rejection Therapy project to toughen my mind, but Jackie at Krispy Kreme softened my soul. If everyone in the service industry is like Jackie, the world would be a much, much better place. Now, we need to make sure Krispy Kreme rewards her for her extraordinary act of kindness as well as the publicity generated. Please like this page.