What Counts as Rejection, and What Doesn’t

What counts as a rejection attempt and a successful rejection?




The respect and feelings of the person or party you are making a request to are paramount.  Consider them first.

That’s it. Now go out and play the game.

Rejection Therapy Classic Edition


Push your comfort zone with CLASSIC EDITION

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§ 18 Responses to What Counts as Rejection, and What Doesn’t"

  • dd says:

    Thanks for the comment on the DD blog. I went to your site and found the Rejection Therapy game fascinating. Time to stretch the boundaries.

  • rinkjustice says:

    Glad you like it DD. Have fun with it. It can be an exhilarating experience.

  • ikinspeltwo says:

    I think this is GREAT! I would to set up a booth and sell the Rejection Game. Are you taking associates? Can I buy wholesale?

  • rinkjustice says:

    Thanks :) Yes, I am taking associates and yes, you can buy wholesale. Please contact me at rinkjustice [at] gmail.com.

  • Mr. Mitchell says:

    I think you should make a little clearer that you should try to get rejected asking for something that you’d actually WANT to happen.

    I read the rules to my students today, and a male student said, “I should just go around asking guys to go out with me.” He’d probably get consistently rejected, but since he doesn’t WANT to succeed in this area, he wouldn’t benefit as much.

  • rinkjustice says:

    Thanks for the input Mr.Mitchell. I made that point but it could definitely be clearer.

  • Ken says:

    Is there a forum for sharing game stats and stories? This is a really cool idea with great potential. Defining what actually constitutes a rejection is, of course, dependent on personal comfort zone boundaries and genuine intentions/desires. I guess it has to be on an honors system. But perhaps people could share their rejection story and others could vote on whether it is a true rejection or not!

  • rinkjustice says:

    Excellent question Ken, and yes, a sharing forum will be added in the near future (I just want to make sure I do it right).

    Stay tuned. Your input is appreciated!

  • Citizen49a says:

    This is a great idea, but should the focus be so skewed towards achieving rejection? Explicitly seeking rejection seems to me to run the risk of skewing the subconcious, which is quite literal in it’s interpretations, to seek a rejection result rather than seeking a positive result in a context where rejection is a very real possibility.

    It seems to me like the focus should be on achieving positive results, by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, and openly confronting the fear of rejection.

    You still need to register definite and palpable fear of rejection physically in order to make a valid play in the game, but you consciously seek not the rejection, but the positive result which the fear walls you off from. If you get what you want, that should count as a success too, as you have faced down fear.

    As you test the limits of fear and the boundaries of your comfort zone expand so that fear is experienced as nervous excitement, the plays which are contained in the expanded comfort zone no longer qualify as valid plays. You have to move on to confront new horizons.

    The game ends when you are unable to concoct new tests which generate a state of stress sufficiently intense to qualify as fear, and hence the power of fear to inhibit your actions is dissipated.

  • rinkjustice says:

    In Rejection Therapy, rejection is the positive result.

    There’s a great quote in the book “Bounce: Mozart, Federer, Picasso, Beckham, and the Science of Success” http://goo.gl/6TOG from ping pong champion turned coach: “If you don’t know what you’re doing wrong, you can never know what you are doing right.”

    Rejection is a critical metric to indicate a) you’re trying hard enough and b) where your limitations are.

  • John says:

    i keep thinking guys are just gonna go too far. example : john doe addressing his sexy coworker that he has been having sexual tension with : “do you wanna go to my place and perform oral sex ?” well, the answer is simple. sexy coworker rejects the offer and I, er excuse me, john doe, becomes diminished in the eyes of everyone, after she tells all your coworkers about the lascivious offering. so, i guess the point is to make some type of limit within the social contract. even though asking coworker for head is a fearful prospect, that will result in a win(rejection) for me, it still has a negative outcome.

  • rinkjustice says:

    Well stated John. I agree 100%.

    Those who have the most to gain from Rejection Therapy are introverts and people who suffer social anxiety disorders. Those with bigger comfort zone thresholds will be inclined to do risker, more socially outlandish acts to get their rejections.

    Any rejection attempt that makes other feel uncomfortable or put people in a demeaning situation is not in harmony with the game.

    I’ll probably make a blog post in the next few days regarding this.

    Thanks again John.

  • Serendipitydodo says:

    Good idea! I buy lottery tickets to help me with rejection and if I’m lucky – pay my rent. Thanks for your cards I just bought the $5 ones.

  • rinkjustice says:

    Ken (and Serendipitydodo)

    Have you considered sharing experiences and game stats in the Facebook forum? http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_140271492685654&ap=1

  • rinkjustice says:

    Thanks Serendipitydodo. LOL on the nickname btw :)

  • Jack says:

    >No matter what happens, never harbour ill feelings toward the person who rejected you. Thinking kind and positive thoughts immediately after being rejected is critical to overcoming the fear of rejection.

    [TL;DR RT is an awesome idea from the perspective of social anxiety]
    This is a key point. RT is a great method to learn faster, serving as an excuse to reduce one’s anxiety. This process happens naturally for everyone, but people with social anxiety often didn’t get enough chances to build as much experience as others.
    Normal scenario: I’m at a gathering, I want to strike up some interesting conversations, but I don’t try and join the group next to me. My train of thought: “the guys are involved in some inner jokes, talks about their social circle, etc – a conversation which I can’t contribute to. If I try to join, it will be awkward for them, they will try to start a conversation out of politeness, and due to that same damned politeness won’t flat-out reject me. After that awkward episode I will feel horribly, because I’ve made them feel awkward, I’ve cemented myself as an awkward, socially-handicapped loser, and I have nowhere else to go at the party.” Needless to say, this mindset works very well as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    If you have friends that are outgoing enough in early childhood, you get plenty of dares as means of social exploration: “Betcha 5 bucks you can’t go and ask out!” and other scenarios that give you some of the benefits you get from RT.
    RT builds on that concept, most importantly adding the factor of consistency and perseverance. It is formulated as a challenge of the “I betcha you can’t do this for 30 days” type, giving additional motivation to the individual to go for the full length. It works perfectly with the “30 days to form a new habit” concept (e.g. http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/786165.html), providing you not only those individual, isolated data points that you get from the few and far between attempts at assertiveness. It provides you 30 days of a different mind-state – the state of just playing around with social interactions, mostly freed from negative consequences (you’ve got the excuse of “yeah, sorry, I know that was rude; you see, I was trying out this rejection therapy thing and…”). This is exactly the mode in which we learn the best in other areas as well. When you can be impulsive, try out new stuff, have little to no fear of consequences and do everything just for the hell of it, you can expand your knowledge much more quickly, and have a whole lot of fun. I mean, eating some total stranger’s half-eaten croissant on a subway – if that isn’t a hilarious story to tell your friends/grandkids or break the ice with, I don’t know what is. You find out that girl you fancied actually fancied you back, but wasn’t assertive enough to break social “conventions” and make the first move. You find out your boss thinks you do deserve that raise, but couldn’t take the initiative of making the request to upper management.

  • rinkjustice says:

    Thanks, and good luck!

  • rinkjustice says:

    Thanks for your comments Jack.

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