No Confidence? Borrow Some

Face of Confidence. Photo by Joel Bedford

I vividly remember the moment I thought of Rejection Therapy. I was holed up in a one bedroom apartment, staring at my glowing computer monitor on a Friday night. I was in a new city, starting a new business and a new life.

I had no friends here, only two cats who watched me tap away on my keyboard for hours (I wondered if they could be trained to do light administrative work, but to this day the little furballs do nothing but lounge about).

But back to the idea of seeking rejection by strangers, in a community where I was trying to establish myself as a professional and not a nutcase.

Going through with this experiment would require bucket loads of confidence, and I had zero.

So, what does a guy do if he needs confidence but has none? He borrows it. That’s what I ended up doing.

Let me explain. At the time, I didn’t know if inducing rejections on a regular basis would battle-harden me or crush my self esteem, so I had no confidence in the process until it had proven itself.

I also didn’t think to ask a psychologist about my experiment, so I couldn’t lean on the advice of a professional.

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The only one I could turn to was God.

So after inquiring, soul searching, and getting what I felt was the green light, I went ahead with a half tank of borrowed confidence. It wasn’t self-confidence, and it wasn’t confidence in an outcome (because I didn’t know what would happen), it was confidence in God.

You probably have an idea of what happened next. Rejection Therapy opened a world of new possibilities that had been closed by fear. I felt as if I was liberated from prison. My self-confidence soared.

The experiment was such a surprising success, I considered keeping it as a secret advantage (but only for a second, honest).

Obviously, I decided against it, because Rejection Therapy is available for the benefit for everyone.

I like this quote in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind from spiritual teacher Shunryu Suzuki:

we cannot create and own what we create for ourselves since everything was created by God“.

I get this.  Acknowledging God’s hand in my successes has helped me stay humble and somewhat unattached as Rejection Therapy gains global awareness.  People can have confidence in the game, not because of me, but because of Him.

I’ve learned a few other things as well. People are generally kind. You are stronger than you think. And if you don’t have any self-confidence, borrow some – from God, a mentor, from others who have gone before you, or try hypnosis- whatever it takes until you get some of your own.

Get off on Strength

Take the pain. Get stronger. Get off on strength. Get high on strength.

Henry Rollins


How Your Mind Sabotages the Future

Mind Sabotage. Photo by Miryam Zarzar

In all likelihood, your mind is quietly ruining your life and sabotaging your future.

This is not hyperbole. I strongly suggest you read the following post and put what I suggest into practice right away. If it works for you, tell someone else about it.

Your mind is constantly telling stories and creating mental associations. A mental association could be a song on the radio that reminds you of summer vacation. Or maybe your mind associates the texture of dried figs and dates with hairy tarantula legs. Oh wait, that’s me.

A few of your own peculiar mental associations probably come to mind.

Many of these mental pairings (commonly referred to as neuro associations) don’t make a lick of sense, but it doesn’t matter. Once a neuro association ‘clicks’, it sticks. They are reinforced everytime you recall them.

Some neuro associations are relatively harmless (like the figs example) while others are beneficial and empowering.

An example of a good neuro association is how Rejection Therapy makes being rejected an exciting and positive experience.

Rejection Therapy accomplishes this in three ways:

1)  Making rejection into an exciting game where rejection equals success
2)  Because rejection is success in Rejection Therapy, being rejected by someone is considered a favour. Players are also encouraged to think kind thoughts of those who have recently rejected them
3)  Rejection builds confidence because over the 30 Day Challenge, players physically and psychologically adapt to the stresses of rejection

Neuro associations can also alter your life projectory in negative ways and cut off future outcomes.

[ Article continues after the jump.]

Rejection Therapy Classic Edition


Push your comfort zone with CLASSIC EDITION

Buy Rejection Therapy Classic  at The Game Crafters for $15.99



For instance, those who have ever been in a long term toxic relationship won’t soon forget what an emotional sucking chest wound it can be.  The ordeal can make the mere thought of being in another relationship foreboding.

Worse yet, this negative neuro association that links being in a relationship to emotional hell is reinforced again and again by negative self talk.

My advice to you, and this is coming from personal experience: watch the self-talk. Listen to the stories you tell yourself. If you identify yourself as being a victim in these stories, or feel pangs of sorrow or regret from past experiences, you need to stop the negative thinking and analyse what you’re telling yourself. You are likely reinforcing negative neuro associations and sabotaging future decisions.

Instead, retell your stories from a more empowering perspective. Interrupt your bad thinking and create a positive new neuro association.

So lets go back to the long term toxic relationship example and retell the story from an empowering perspective.

Anytime the neuro association “emotional sucking chest wound” arises in the mind, consciously replace it with positive thoughts and feelings that give yourself some options for the future.

Tell yourself something like “I’m stronger and wiser because of that time in my life and eager to be a more empathetic and patient in my next relationship“. Lay it on thick.

Try it. Pay attention to what your mind is saying. Discover how your mind sabotages the future and stop it before it’s too late.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself. –Lawrence


Confidence gives a fool the advantage over a wise man.

William Hazlitt

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