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How I Found Happiness and How You Can Too

By January 17, 2014Thoughts

Yes, I’ve found it, and it wasn’t easy. But I did find it!

The Pursuit of Happiness has been so important that it was on the United States Declaration of Independence, on the title of one of my favorite movies, and on the cover of one of my favorite books. But I’d never truly thought about until I found it.

Happiness is a lot like wisdom. Before finding happiness, I’d never known I DIDN’T have it, even though all my activities were geared toward finding it. From receiving education, to making money, from playing sports, to enjoying media amusement, from forming friendships, to having romance, I did all these in order to find true happiness. But none of them directly led me to it.

But now I found it, I found myself talking and connecting with a lot more people; I get up early motivated to work; I embrace life, through both the highs and the lows; I make choices with intention instead of feeling; I get through a day knowing I am one step toward my purpose, rather than one day past my prime. I am truly having the best time of my life.

How did I find it? – by finding MEANING in my life. Through starting my rejection blog and meeting with many people through social media and talks, I learned that I am meant to help others so they can overcome their fear like I have.

In his classic book – Man’s Search For Meaning, Dr. Viktor Frankl discussed that life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones. Our main motivation for living is our will to find meaning in life. In my case, I found meaning in one of the biggest fears I had – rejection fear.

Here is how I found my meaning and how you can too:

1. Confronting your fear and sharing with others – what you are afraid the most control you the most. By opening yourself up and sharing your confrontation with fear, you will find that you are not alone. You will draw strength from others, and they will from you. You will find that the thing you are afraid the most actually provides meaning to you.

2. Pursuing your strength and dumping your weakness – no one is good at everything. The people who spend their lives trying to improve their weaknesses become mediocre in everything. Only those who focus on maximizing their strength will have a chance to be extraordinary at those things. What you are extraordinary at often provide the maximum impact and meaning.

3.  Be part of something bigger than yourself – when you focus on yourself everyday, you judge everything in a narrow frame of mind in term of gains and losses. By contributing to something bigger, whether it’s religious faith, or a humanity cause, or an organization, you can find meaning in many more things, even sufferings.

Now, what is your fear? What’s your strength? And what do you want to be part of? Find them and you will find meaning, and ultimately happiness.

  • Jia Jiang

    Just fixed comments. Now readers can feel free to comment.

    • Firsh

      Thanks – I think it pretty much close to the TRUTH.

  • smokesmd

    Quick question:
    on first 2 points you said that we have to conquer our fears/focus on our strengths, but on the 3’rd you said we shouldn’t focus on ourselves too much.
    So before i as a man start teaching other people, i should first beat all my fears/insecurities and become a better man, then i’ll be in a position to help others, otherwise i’m now just getting in the way. So i don’t get the 3’rd point .. how can i contribute to others when i still have to grow and ‘heal’ myself and conquer my fears and break through this jail of mind..
    tnx

    • Jia Jiang

      Smokesmd, this is a very good question. What I meant was to confront your fear, and embrace your strength while contributing to a bigger cause. Think of this as a basketball player keeps honing his skills and sharpens his mental toughness, while delivers wins to his team. Michael Jordan, winning championships for the Chicago Bulls and becoming the best player in the history of basketball were his meaning. And they weren’t conflicting meanings.

      Let me know if this makes sense.

    • Jia Jiang

      Smokesmd, this is a very good question. What I meant was to confront your fear, and embrace your strength while contributing to a bigger cause. Think of this as a basketball player keeps honing his skills and sharpens his mental toughness, while delivers wins to his team. Michael Jordan, winning championships for the Chicago Bulls and becoming the best player in the history of basketball were his meaning. And they weren’t conflicting meanings.

      Let me know if this makes sense.

      • smokesmd

        oh ok.. i see now..
        i guess i have a ‘limiting belief’ that i’m not good enough’ or ‘i-m still not there’ or ‘i don’t have anything to provide yet’ type attitude..
        it’s just i read a lot of books and have a lot of mentors.. and i saw that in every one of them, everybody had a ‘story’ and a ‘challenge’ in life to overcome.. so then they overcame it and told their ‘success story’ in the books and now are kind’of coaching other people (like in dating ,or diet/nutrition topics)
        so i guess i’m still in the beginning where i did grow and faced my own fears and progressed a little but i still have a lot to go (i still have other insecurities to take care of) so that’s why i think that i’m still not in a position to tell others what to do because i’m not that person yet. (if you know what i mean)

        i’ll be more open minded now and do also ‘my thing’ on my road, still trying to offer help to people who need it also!
        Tnx. man.. i can understand your path (how you did that challenge and learned smth new and are in a position to help others with the knowledge you gathered)
        Good job man! Wish you continued success in the future!

        • Jia Jiang

          Believe or not, I understand you 100%. There is still that lingering fear and doubt in me – am I good enough? Do I have enough to influence others? I am so imperfect, why would others listen to me.

          The truth is, none of us is perfect. Because of our imperfection, we fear other’s rejections. To avoid other’s rejection, we end up rejecting ourselves.

          But what I found is that because of our imperfection, we often discover opportunities, because many other people have the same imperfection. If you own up to it, confront it, and beat it, people will listen, because you’ve done it. You didn’t reject yourself like many others have.

          Don’t reject yourself.

          • smokesmd

            wow tnx for the awesome response Jiang..
            you truly know how to motivate others 😀
            Tnx man